I don't mean someone who cut you off in traffic or forgot your birthday. I mean someone who can peg the DSM meter(Criteria below) You need not satisfy every one. They're the worst.
Got it? Anyone you know with this disorder?
For me, it's my girlfriend's mother. I won't bore you with everything; suffice it to say that nothing you do is ever good enough(or even the "right" thing). I've been criticized harshly for: --Bringing her brownies from the bakery --Visiting sick family members in the hospital --Attending the wake and funeral of my girlfriend's father(her husband; I actually got a "review")
Years ago, I was informed that she kept in regular touch with my girlfriend's ex-boyfriend. Then she wonders why I want nothing to do with her.
Today, I found out that she talks to his family too.
The ex died two years ago.
This is what I'm talking about.
Anyone else dealing with these loathsome individuals?
They are broken somehow in childhood and they know no other way to be .
You try and tell people the craziness you've been through and they just look at you with incomprehension , or worse - try to tell you what they would have done 🙄🙄🙄
Many don't get, or will EVER understand how psychotic some of these people are.
I feel so sorry for your brother . I hope he comes round and you guys conenct again.
These people leave a trail of damage wherever they go . 😓
How do I condense so many years into something cohesive ?
In the beginning ....it was wonderful . I always said I respected him more than I loved him .
He seemed too good to be true . Almost like he doted on me. Very generous . Always organizing things for me so I didn't have to . Then it became easier if I didn't ....he allocated responsibilities - seemed logical . Me - family and kids Him - finances and bills .
We had dreams ... not big ones...just simple ones - a lovely little palace to live ....happy family -happy life .
I don't where along the way the balance tipped, but about 10 years in I noticed all the plans we had weren't really happening. There was no money to do them.
But he had hobbies .Quite expensive hobbies , and they kept changing .
Then it was the small things ...no money so I could go get my hair cut, or go to the pool just to burn some pent up stress from having a disabled child. While his hobbies became more important and expensive and time consuming.
Finally ....I had time with kids in school , to work . All good . It's like he came alive again ...was home more . I could spend money on the house , the kids , him .... Then I got sick . Couldn't work . He asked for money ....I wouldn't give him any as it was spoken for to complete house improvements .
Suddenly he was never home . Suddenly he was mean. Suddentlt he was cruel . Suddenly he seemed to become secretive ....and lying . Obvious lies he couldn't cover
I asked, I debated, I negotiated , I pleaded , I argued ....it just got worse.
He became violent .
I was poor, moneyless, sick and getting sicker - my immune system caved in, exhausted and lonely. But still had to look after my kids with an almost absent father.
Hed come home ....the kids would retreat to their rooms . They were scared . I was scared and confused .
I snapped ...spoke up, said I d had enough and for him to get his shit together as a father, as a partner and as a man .
I really shouldn't have .
The psychological torture began.
He treated me as if I didn't exist . Even if he was.home ....he was never in the house. He was never in his heart . Things went missing , stuff got moved, broken, misplaced , lost, thrown out .
Usually it was mine .
The lies got worse , I had to beg for money for medication . I spent my savings trying to keep the food on the table and my self getting better .
Then I discovered the deeper lies . The loss off hundreds of thousands of dollars, the women, the debt .....it has been going on for years .
He didn't care....until I found out and confronted him .
Then it got worse-er ....I won't say how . But let's just say I don't like to be touched anymore. I couldn't believe how cruel someone could be untill then. And when I thought he couldnt get any worse ...I was shown he could .
It's crazy . You love someone . They CAN be such an amazing person ....but for some reason only everyone ELSE gets that amazing person. ...YOU get the demon . YOU get the nasty, sadistic, bully who likes to watch you suffer.
And it's so confusing . You look at them and don't recognize who they are , but they are wearing your best friends skin .
I married one. My father is one. My mother in law is a nightmare of one. Im quite familiar with the exhausting emotional roller coaster of dealing with them. Im fully aware that im of little value, i dont know anything and if anyone else is available they will take them instead.
@uncalled4 At least you have the shut in think in thing working in our favor! That is a shocking amount of dogs. I dont know how people can do that. I have two and they are like having two toddlers. 12?? That would take up allll my time. I’d hate that.
We had two dogs at home while I was growing up, and the second not for long because he went to a farm from what I recall - as a grown ass adult, i know what that means and it breaks my heart. We never had anything for long, and his affection for us was the same. Is the same… My father was a body man, not a car guy, he just repaired and painted them. But we had, from the time I was two to the time i was 9 - 87 different cars, and i dont ember if that includes all teh motorcycles. We had middle of the night closet cleanings where dad would throw everything away that he deemed unimportant. Like all my toys. He doesn’t like anything very long.
What I find interesting is that my husbands mother is the same way, only shes a hoarder. Similar the same regard, everything is expendable except what she deems as important, but with a totally different method.
@nonsensiclesnail They're just children and want what they want. And animals provide a neverending supply. There really ought to be something official linking narcs to animal hoarding. I see it often.
SW-User
I married one, his mother is one, gets bad when you have to start googling their behaviours, gas lighting was a good one. Constant lies, cheating, twisting conversations.
I could write a book 📖 I could even predict his behaviours 🙄 It totally broke me, still healing from it all.
Online. There's at least very high narcissistic traits with one. Exaggerated opinion of themselves. Everything they are is about charming with flattery, compliments and accolades, because that is the quickest easiest way to be liked and admired which is what narcissist are about. Feeding that deep need. Being over the top charming to others blinds people to who they are and creates admiration, because it's the ultimate feel good to others.
My mother fits most of that criteria. (let's not get into too much detail) Cause of her bullshit no family member can stand her. Grandparents kicked her out when she was 16. Didn't even notice her 3 year old son had a broken arm till a week after it happened. Dad had had enough and left by the time I was 12. She had 4 sons. 3 of us runaway from home. Tried to commit suicide. Ended up drifting and homeless. 2 of my brothers have been on drugs since they were old enough to get it. They would never visit her sober.. She lies constantly. causing drama wherever she goes.
Because she is so nice and convincing to strangers or friends. I have avoided talking to these people cause I don't want to get caught in her lies.
@Thevy29 Yes...my sis had a broken leg and was told she was being Fresh because she "wouldn't " stand up. She waited 2 days with a broken leg in agony because my mom thought she was just being fresh. 👀😑👀i(she was 5 yrs old). And has twisted things beyond BELIEF to others about me. She came home from a friends once and said "C thinks you are very Disobedient " We literally did anything she ever said as kids and were threatened for ANYTHING and I am disobedient????? I felt like someone had punched me, for them to just lie to another like that. 🙁
The realationship started out great, I thought we had a special relationship, but after a while things started to sour, I could not do or say anything right, I started to see the holes in all of their stories, I was always walking on egg shells not to upset them, they always made me feel guilty for things that were beyond my control, blame me for things that they was actually guilty of, was jealous of others in my life, I had to walk away and never look back. For my own sanity.
@uncalled4 nope, the only thing you can do is get away from them, and of course they will blame you for leaving them when they were the ones that pushed you away, but I think that's what they want so you can apologize and go grovelling back.
@OogieBoogie I think there's either a reading comprehension problem here or just an overall lack of intelligence(not speaking about you of course). Only on SW could you provide the actual DSM criteria while being accused of a rush to judgment. When you've spent time in the trenches with these intractable people, you KNOW what time it is. And just because one hasn't been diagnosed doesn't mean one doesn't have the illness. This is true of ANY ailment, lest I find even more idiocy here, which I likely will. And people are misdiagnosed by hacks all the time.
So the narc in my life maybe has not meant to be this way..but it hurt and shaped who I felt I was. They diminish me, chastise any single thing, question anything I do , causing self doubt, blame ME for them getting upset, and rage if anything does not go just how they want. I'm sorry for your experiences too 🐞.
@DeWayfarer It's ironic, as their usual lack of self-awareness is telling. It was named for Narcissus of course, but if I had to generalize, they're miserable people who blame their unhappiness on others. Strangely, I've rarely encountered vanity.
@uncalled4 Yeah, but he didn't mention calling an ambulance or seeking medical help for me - wouldn't those be logical steps if you seriously believe that someone has drank freon in front of you???
@uncalled4 That's the part my brain can't get around... all he did was mutter about me "drinking freezer chemicals" rather than taking steps to demonstrate that he believed that the water I drank was anything other than water.
He never even mentioned getting medical attention, where it seems logical that most people who are concerned about someone would urge them to seek medical help and get it checked out.
I mean, I did it when my man broke his elbow... I kept asking him to see his doctor or show a chemist for my peace of mind. I suspected all along that the elbow was broken - but I couldn't force him to get it checked out before he was ready to do it himself.
@TheEmperor Is anyone reading the criteria I posted to avoid the "anyone you don't like" category? Not calling you out specifically, as what you say is largely true(and narcissists attach themselves to empaths like barnacles).
@TheEmperor What you say is correct in most cases, but trust me, not this one. While I cannot make a technical judgment, a great man once wrote "You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows". And someone can be narcissistic without qualifying for NPD itself; I've certainly known a few people like that.
I dealt with one for four years. Recently got that 120lb blonde tumor excised. She still tries to reach out and cause shit once in awhile. I just refuse to give her what she wants and she goes away for awhile. She's a narcissist but I have a sadistic streak second to none, so when the masochist demands I hurt them I always refuse. 😏 petty revenge is so sweet.
@MoonaNorth86 Actually... the criteria is Disney villains 😆
SW-User
My mother, my father, all of my inlaws. They're awful people. My mother is dead, my father is dead to me. My inlaws don't exist in my life anymore as I chose to remove myself from their presence.
Though knowing all of those people they probably say I'm the one with the problem, I know that they all believe that they're perfect and the best at everything they do etc
