What the funniest thing someone ever said to you

Knock knock

My best friend: I'm really impressed with the amount of bad decisions you can fit in one day

It was both funny and true 😒

My dad was yapping and going on and on about something, and my 4 year old daughter told pappy to stuff trees in his mouth.

I guess you had to be there.

When ever I come home after being on the road for a while, my wife has a list of maintenance on the house for me, so a couple weeks ago, I told her we should hire a handyman. I noticed she had a smile on her face, so I asked her, "why are you smiling"? Without hesitation, she says, "it could be a good thing for both of us. You get out of work and I can experience sleeping with the "handyman". I rented a backhoe and some lumber for our "new" pool and deck.

I'll try to keep this short. But I want you to know it might be a little bit harsh for some people. It was the day my best friend became my best friend.

I was standing by my open wall Locker in the barracks when private Jones comes walking through with his whole family. It was his pregnant wife, two brothers, father ( a big serious retired first sergeant) and his mother (a sweet Korean lady).

Jones make all the proper introductions and I was left pivoting between them all being his cordial as can be. Then Jones motions to my open wall Locker and asks who are the people in the picture. I told him it was my mom, my sister and I. He says, I thought your mom has blonde hair (he had just met her that same day). I said she does, she's wearing a hood in the photo because it was raining. Without skipping a beat, Jones fires back, "oh, my bad, Sarge. I'm not used to seeing her with her clothes on." 😅🤣😆 ..then followed through with a shove and a slap on the back of my neck.. 🥰🤣

Fuck i miss that dude!
RIP Blood

When the subject changes

Too many to count

That you didn’t like chicken. Lmao. 🤣

If they could borrow $100