Is it fair to ask her

@Coralmist I would definitely pay her extra to care for him as well.

@Cigarguy101 I think she would be ok with also helping him in the a.m.

@Musicman no she has never said she's overwhelmed. She doesn't wake the kids in the evening. I pick them up from school.

She is about 20 years younger than me. I see her as a daughter lol so no we'd never get together.

I did her and she said took you long enough. She said yes.

@HootyTheNightOwl well if she said no, Joel would just go home in the evening. But she didn't say no. She was very happy we asked. She of course will be paid extra for the nights his son his here

@Cigarguy101 Lol, I only just noticed that this was posted almost a week ago...

I'm glad that you did ask her and let her decide for herself, though - it's a good chance to get experience that she will need as an adult, be it through looking after Joel's son or saying "No" if it was something she didn't want to do... both are equally important to practice to avoid getting to the point where you don't just say "Yes" to everything and become burned out from back-to-back shifts at work, or something like that.

The overtime money might be nice, but you won't enjoy it as much if you're getting up, going to work, coming home, eating, going to bed and getting up to do it all over again tomorrow. Though I didn't work overtime, I have been in the position where work was draining me to the point where I couldn't have any life outside of work. I wasn't sorry when I was ultimately fired because I had a miscarriage and didn't turn up to work again.

@geoam1 she is a great young lady

@WhateverWorks I always try to make it as easy for her as possible. My daughter rarely needs any help in the morning.

I have two sets of clothes laid out for me boy. He spills at breakfast a lot lol
I have their breakfast prepped the night before.
I have their lunches ready and packed.
I have their backpack ready and by the door.
I have their coats and shoes ready by the door
I have my daughter sensory bag ready by the door.

She only does mornings.

I pick the kids up after school. I get off at 230. She is usually at school herself or out with friends in the evening.

@Cigarguy101 hello sounds like you’re doing a pretty good job trying to be helpful. The only thing I can think of is asking her if there’s anything else she needs help with that would make taking on the extra responsibility. Less stressful.

@Cigarguy101 well it depends what she thinks is is fair ....and how hard the kid is , and if it's much extra work, and if she thinks she deserves renumeration ...and how kind and generous she is .

These are all variables we don't know 🤷

@OogieBoogie Joel's son is partly deaf and has mental delays. I don't like labeling him but I'd say he's like a 4 or 5 year old. He's 9.
He needs more hand over hand help with daily skills. He wears pullups only because he was a weak bladder and can't hold it very long. But he can go on his own. You just got to get him to the restroom as soon as he says he needs to go. I believe I pay her well but would of course pay her extra to care for him as well. And it wouldn't be ever night either

@Cigarguy101 I understand the difficulties - I have a son with autism - he's 20, but really somewhere between a 4 and maybe an 8 year old (it's hard to to tell - scattered developmental levels).

All you can do is ask .....and maybe present it as a trial?🤷
There are so many variables it's hard to know how difficult it will be ....how it will affect the kids , and how many changes will need to be made .
She may do excellently and make it all work ...
...or ot could become taxing on her .

Also - you might offer x amount , and she might say after two weeks, it's worth x+y amount .

If you really believe this is a good idea - ask and leave it as an open discussion to come back to each week and see how it's going ?

Kids are big enough variables by themselves. kKds with divergent abilities - even more so .