Is it fair to ask her

So Joel has his son every other week and every weekend.

The weeks he has him he spends most evenings with us but goes home for the night. He's a butcher and goes to work at 4:30 am. So if he stayed the night here during the week it would mean Star would have to get his boy up and ready for school. He goes to the same school as my son. But would it be fair to even ask her to do this. His son is 9 but is special needs. He needs a bit more help getting ready then my son does. I just don't know if I should even ask her.

This page is a permanent link to the reply below and its nested replies. See all post replies »

OogieBoogie · F

Can you help in the mornings at all?

Cigarguy101 · 41-45, M

@OogieBoogie I have to be at work at 6am. Star get the kids up and ready for school at 7.

OogieBoogie · F

@Cigarguy101 honestly .... you really have to talk to her .

It's no business of anyone here , and we can't speak for her 🤷

Cigarguy101 · 41-45, M

@OogieBoogie I was just wondering if it would be out of line for me to ask her to take on caring for one more kid.

OogieBoogie · F

@Cigarguy101 well it depends what she thinks is is fair ....and how hard the kid is , and if it's much extra work, and if she thinks she deserves renumeration ...and how kind and generous she is .

These are all variables we don't know 🤷

Cigarguy101 · 41-45, M

@OogieBoogie Joel's son is partly deaf and has mental delays. I don't like labeling him but I'd say he's like a 4 or 5 year old. He's 9.
He needs more hand over hand help with daily skills. He wears pullups only because he was a weak bladder and can't hold it very long. But he can go on his own. You just got to get him to the restroom as soon as he says he needs to go. I believe I pay her well but would of course pay her extra to care for him as well. And it wouldn't be ever night either

OogieBoogie · F

@Cigarguy101 I understand the difficulties - I have a son with autism - he's 20, but really somewhere between a 4 and maybe an 8 year old (it's hard to to tell - scattered developmental levels).

All you can do is ask .....and maybe present it as a trial?🤷
There are so many variables it's hard to know how difficult it will be ....how it will affect the kids , and how many changes will need to be made .
She may do excellently and make it all work ...
...or ot could become taxing on her .

Also - you might offer x amount , and she might say after two weeks, it's worth x+y amount .

If you really believe this is a good idea - ask and leave it as an open discussion to come back to each week and see how it's going ?

Kids are big enough variables by themselves. kKds with divergent abilities - even more so .