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I Regret Falling In Love

... with someone who has a child. Come on, hate me, go ahead. People who have children are heartless when it comes to relationships, and take my advice: do not get involved with someone who is a parent. Simply because you will never be number one, you'll always come (in the best case scenario) second. No matter how much you love them, and maybe even how much you love their kid(s).
And that is something I would be willing to accept and understand, I was aware of being the "less important" one and I did respect that. But once someone completely runs you over (and reverses, and runs you over again) for the sake of their parenthood, they dare to be mad at you for being hurt and upset. That's the best for my son/daughter, they say, irritated and annoyed with you feeling like the world collapsed. The only feelings they value are the feelings of their kids, and a normal person wouldn't purposely take an adult's time and heart if they weren't interested an adult interaction, but a parent doesn't give a $h!t if you're going to end up fooled and hurt. A parent will lead you on as long as it pleases them and dump you like trash, when things like custody battle occupy them. It maked me sick. Someone who's a crappy person cannot and will not be a good parent to a human being.
rottenrobi · 56-60, F
I'm sorry you experienced this too. Im thinking this person sounds like a selfish asshole. Maybe that's the problem, and they use the kid excuse to get out of commitments.
Im a single parent, and i keep my kids so far out of the relationship, they don't know or see fhis person for awhile. Im upfront with the time I have, and love making adult time.

I think this person is cruel, and distrustful, and I'm sorry you got involved with them.
ListenerTalker · 31-35, F
@rottenrobi: Thank you. He definitely uses his child as an excuse to get away with things, and he acts like everyone should admire him for it. I'll be better off without him, but for now it hurts bad.
rottenrobi · 56-60, F
He sounds very similar, in the way he thinks, to my ex. We were together for 16 years. Ugh.
I know the hurt you speak of deeply. Message me any time if you need to vent.
I'm serious.
ListenerTalker · 31-35, F
Thank you <3
Scribbles · 36-40, F
Ouch, sorry you experienced that and feel so run over. Children do have to come first and you stated you respected that... And I imagine at some point everybody in the relationship when a child is involved will feel run over at some point. Some relationships have more or less baggage to deal with too. Some manage to make the relationship work and some don't. I wouldn't warn off everyone from it, but I think it does take alot of mental toughness and communication and a strong desire to be a family and make it work and make time for each person instead of excluding someone or taking out their frustrations on someone...and it has to come from both people. And even then sometimes it doesn't work out.

I hope your next relationship goes better.
ListenerTalker · 31-35, F
@Scribbles: Thank you.
Scribbles · 36-40, F
@ListenerTalker: no prob, :)
Really, I'd think everybody could be sympathetic to your pov...everybody ends up experiencing lies in a relationship at some point and can recognize how they hurt right? I'm surprised by how many people are nattering at you...maybe they didn't realize you did give the relationship a good go and are just venting?
SW-User
I've been in that relationship with an open mind, her kids coming first was what I did sign up for. I get it because I would think the same too if I was a parent. But the reason it didn't work because I was put not second, but last, there are commitment issues there and lack of emotional connection an intimacy. I had to forget who I was for a while. I left but we are working things out again but I am actually questioning does she really love me like I'm "the love of her life, or she's just scared of ending up alone" hey I'm asking myself that question too because I'm at the stage of my life where it's pretty much over, just feels like we are live in best friends who shared the same bed.
Elegy · 46-50
@AwakeningConfession9: You are nowhere near the end, push for someone that makes you happy.
ListenerTalker · 31-35, F
Just to clarify, because at this point I don't care, people can know details: as I said, I was respectful of his situation. Before the relationship started I was sceptical and insisted we shouldn't be together, because he has more important things on his plate, being a dad. But he kept saying it'd be fine and that he'll balance everything out. A few months later he decided to go to court to fight for 50/50 custody of his son, and said it would look good in court if he was single, so he broke up with me. I would be semi understanding of it if he was honest with me and said it in my face right away, but instead, he tried everything to push me away, lied it was all about money he didn't have to travel to see me (even though I offered to pay for everything). As I said, parenthood is so, so glorious. :/
Elegy · 46-50
@ListenerTalker: I'm sorry about your heart, I don't agree with anything you're saying.
ListenerTalker · 31-35, F
Facts are facts, without people agreeing with them. I got manipulated into a relationship I was scared to go into. Then I was dumped because it would look good.
Elegy · 46-50
@ListenerTalker: Those are two "facts". Do you have any concept of how many people you are talking shit on right now? You're pissed of at this guy, leave the rest of us out of it.
Elegy · 46-50
There never should have been any question going into that relationship that the child will always come first. You are in fact signing on to in some cases be a guardian of that child and put him/her above everything as well. Beyond that it sounds like there are other issues that have nothing to do with the billions of other parents in the world js.
SW-User
I lost a girl in sort of a similar situation. Much complicated than yours, but still. I was thrown out the window.
SW-User
@ListenerTalker: Mine was a little more understanding. She said it's fine if I talk with others, but I still think she gets jealous. 🤷 She pretty much ignores me. I think she just got bored with me but just won't admit it. She's "nice" like that. Honestly, i'd rather her tell me the truth. But I know she wouldn't if it means that it'll hurt me.
ListenerTalker · 31-35, F
@Contagious: I'm sorry it happened to you. Nobody deserves to be put away like an object that's not useful anymore.
SW-User
@ListenerTalker: I say i'm about 90% over it. It's taken awhile to move on from her.
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
Oh man I've been in this situation.. the exact same thing happened to me was a disaster. I'm so happy I got out of it, started a relationship, married, now baby on the way with an older guy who didn't have that baggage. Don't think I could handle it again even if I were like way older and more mature
ListenerTalker · 31-35, F
@Brassm0nk3y: I'm glad you got out of the toxic situation and won. It's not worth it to live someone else's life. I wish you all the best while you raise your own family. <3
Soartofreedom · 61-69, F
Sounds like maybe he is the child. Parenthood has nothing to do with being able to respect others and how to treat them with kindness.
ListenerTalker · 31-35, F
@Soartofreedom: Exactly, thank you. I would understand "hey, we can't be together, because I realized I can't be with anyone right now, in my current situation", but instead I was manipulated to think the breakup was my fault, I was lied to. This is what hurt me, not the existence of the child.
xmedleft · 51-55, M
@ListenerTalker: Then is the problem dating a parent, or is it more just THIS one.
SW-User
I completely understand. I went through a similar situation :/
sighmeupforthat · 46-50, M
projectionism got you down?


well, there are medications for that.
olderguy2016 · 70-79, M
hope for the best.you will get a good relation.
Anyone who dates a parent has to understand that their child comes first. That almost goes without saying, if he or she is a good parent. Definitely not a situation for the emotionally needy.

 
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