On a serious note...

@LadyGrace for sure. I gotta seek help first before anything and prioritize that above anything else. Idk I was entertaining the thought since it crossed my mind a couple of times. There's a lot of things that are confusing that do need to get resolved because, as I write this, I don't think I can trust some whimsical random feeling or thought...until there's treatment. I think the reason it came into question, especially since I had like two random dreams about it, is my brain trying to find some sort of normalcy, self soothing, or something to compensate for the experiences even though I'm alright on my own. Lol yeah... definitely going to take my time to get better.

@RedGrizzly Sounds like you're a smart lady with a good head on your shoulders. Sometimes our heart can trick us. Some think it wouldn't hurt maybe to find someone, even though they're not ready, and that really does sound like a good idea, but the problem is, and I'm sure you know this, that once you start a relationship with someone, sometimes they just get too clingy or else before you know it your heart tricks you and you think you really like that person when in fact you're just wanting a little companionship because you're lonely AT THE TIME. And the other person is the one you really have to watch out for as well because then they want to see you everyday or be calling you all the time and then that gets too complicated. So best to wait and really make sure you know what you want. I have no doubt that you're going to do very well in your healing Journey. I wish you the best. I don't believe in luck so that's why I just said I wish you the best and I sincerely do. If you ever need to talk, please feel free to PM me. 🌹🤗 I have been through all that and recovered from PTSD.

I understand. We can only take so much of that before we call time on it. I wish you well. @RedGrizzly

@Carissimi Thank you for the mental tossel! I really did need to think on it and see other perspectives. I will try baby steps, but going as far as I've done before I'm not going to risk too much. And who knows, when I have the opportunity to go see a pro then maybe my outlook will change on it.

It’s wise not to risk too much, or invest yourself much, in anyone, while trying to heal. Time is the only great healer, well time and love, but love can be hard to come by. @RedGrizzly

@Ontheroad I wish I could find that type relationship in the real world, not online. Someone I could just feel comfortable with, who would just be a really great friend to me, in my vicinity.

@LadyGrace Yep, and the older we get, the harder that becomes. I often wonder if the problem is me. If I don't have such high expectations that I make that impossible.

@Ontheroad I don't think you're the problem and I don't think I'm the problem, either. It's easy to question that in oneself, but there's nothing wrong with knowing what you want and need, instead of settling. We won't do that, and that's important. We love ourselves enough not to do that. We weren't meant to be people pleasers, either. However, you are right. The older we get, the harder it becomes. Sometimes I think people can be too picky, as in wanting perfection and everything to be just right and I don't think there is such a person, but we should still stick to our standards. It's really not too much to ask, for someone to just treat you as they would want to be treated, and be good to you. I could never be friends with a person who is controlling or fault-finding. My husband passed away in 2005 and I have yet to find that type person. I'm happy in myself and it's not like I'm looking every day for someone to fulfill me, because I'm not. I don't believe in that, but it would be nice if someone kind and considerate would come along.

@SW-User true that.

@Queendragonfly Yup. I'll be better one day when I start having health benefits so I can begin getting treated for my mental health. That way the fear and "danger radar" can relax a bit to be open to those experiences. Thank you! I will give it a go. 👍

@SW-User Eh, it's the hand I've been dealt. There's no rush into anything though, so maybe I can look. 👀 😁

@whowasthatmaskedman tbh with you, I don't need it at all for the rest of my existence lol I'm content alone. But that also works in my favor because it takes the pressure off the whole thing and someone else, you know? There's no rush into anything. I'm just unsure if maybe I'm going to miss out on something wonderful because I cling to solitude and am too comfortable there.

@RedGrizzly Then my advice would be to get on with living the life you want, without the need to compromise or make space in it for someone else. But that does remind me of an old, but true joke. If you are ever stranded on a desert island, alone and desperate for company, just sit down, take out a pack of cards and start playing solitaire. Within ten minutes, someone will tap you on the shoulder, saying. "The black ten goes on the red jack".. The moral being that when you are busy doing something else, others find you interesting.. And isnt that what we really all want?😷

@whowasthatmaskedman hahaha that's very true! It's always when you're not looking or desperate for it that it can just happen naturally.