On a serious note...

Should I put myself back out there? Part of me is wishing for a genuine connection. But the rest of me, since the major incidents that've happened, I am comfortable in solitude. Idk if I'm better off alone because I'm just so use to it and I'm also just fiercely independent. Although, I feel like clinging to isolation is just symptom of said events (in previous posts) that perhaps I'm not doing myself any favors. Looking at it from a different perspective, I should push myself past the anxiety and trauma, but on the other am I just too damaged to even bother? Idk. I ask because I had dreamt recently I was hanging out with a random SO, and felt loved but woke with an understanding it's another goodbye to a life I'm not capable of having. Otherwise, I just suppress the thought and remain occupied to the passion of my work.

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LadyGrace ·

It sure sounds to me like you still need to do some healing before you can move on. You may have PTSD, I don't know, but it seems to me that you answered your own question. I get the impression you're not really ready and have things that you have not resolved in your mind just yet. I don't think you should push yourself if you're not ready. Sounds like you need counseling or a good friend to talk to. I'm getting a feeling of confusion from you about things that have happened in your past that you have not quite gotten closure on. It would be a mistake to move on until you get these things resolved. Love yourself and take good care of yourself first and foremost and even after you get more healing. You come first.

RedGrizzly · 26-30, F

@LadyGrace for sure. I gotta seek help first before anything and prioritize that above anything else. Idk I was entertaining the thought since it crossed my mind a couple of times. There's a lot of things that are confusing that do need to get resolved because, as I write this, I don't think I can trust some whimsical random feeling or thought...until there's treatment. I think the reason it came into question, especially since I had like two random dreams about it, is my brain trying to find some sort of normalcy, self soothing, or something to compensate for the experiences even though I'm alright on my own. Lol yeah... definitely going to take my time to get better.

LadyGrace ·

@RedGrizzly Sounds like you're a smart lady with a good head on your shoulders. Sometimes our heart can trick us. Some think it wouldn't hurt maybe to find someone, even though they're not ready, and that really does sound like a good idea, but the problem is, and I'm sure you know this, that once you start a relationship with someone, sometimes they just get too clingy or else before you know it your heart tricks you and you think you really like that person when in fact you're just wanting a little companionship because you're lonely AT THE TIME. And the other person is the one you really have to watch out for as well because then they want to see you everyday or be calling you all the time and then that gets too complicated. So best to wait and really make sure you know what you want. I have no doubt that you're going to do very well in your healing Journey. I wish you the best. I don't believe in luck so that's why I just said I wish you the best and I sincerely do. If you ever need to talk, please feel free to PM me. 🌹🤗 I have been through all that and recovered from PTSD.