Struggles & Identity > Addiction

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Addiction of Any Kind

My brother, who lives with me, is an alcoholic. It is the most horrible of all things to go through as a caring sibling. When our mother died, I inherited my brother. I was the only one in the family that had children so it was an easy fix...Akindheart gets the kid. I raised him as my own.

He started drinking at 14 that I know of. He has been sober for long periods of time but then binge drinks when something stresses him out.

No one will help me. The family is done with him and I have to watch this on a daily basis. yes, I can kick him out, Yes, I can let him die and Yes, I know that he has to want treatment. Even my friends avoid me rather than discuss it.

It is the worst thing you can inflict on a family member. The absolutely worst. I have tried everything to help him. right now, he is doing good but who knows what will set him off again.

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whowasthatmaskedman · 70-79, M Best Comment

I sympathise and I have been where you are.. Thankfully thats in the past and he is a different person,. But part of that change was a special program for family support to teach us how to deal with it.. The bottom line is that none of this is your responsibility. It is his and only his..And nothing will change unless he is ready to change himself.. And to do that he has to change his life, which currently you support him in..
As harsh as it sounds, you being here to catch him when he trips is enabling him. Its your choice of course..But does he really need to change if he has a support network as things are???😷
Thank you for the Best Comment. I hope this all works out for you, even if he still struggles..I know how lucky we were...

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whowasthatmaskedman · 70-79, M

@akindheart I can only tell you what I would do in your shoes.. Find a calm moment to tell him what he is doing to you (and make it about you) Then tell him how much he means to you, But that next time you will be changing the locks.. And you dont every want him to make you do that. Yes. Its emotional blackmail. And up till now you have been his emotional hostage..😷

akindheart · 61-69, F

@whowasthatmaskedman very good point. very good. i have done the first parts but not change the locks. when he starts drinking, he is near death. he can't even stand up. it is scary stuff and i know that he has been near death a couple of times.

whowasthatmaskedman · 70-79, M

@akindheart And if that happens in will be his choice.. The British Actor Oliver Reed drank himself to death while making "Gladiator' causing all sorts of re editing and shooting tricks to complete the movie. A great actor and a notorious drunk. He went out for a night on the town with British sailors while shooting in Malta.. The comment has been made that this is exactly how he wanted to go out.. Now I am not laying blame on anyone. That was his life and his choice from beginning to end. Just dont put yourself in position as his guardian angel. Thats going to end in tears and he wont be shedding a single one..😷

DeWayfarer · 61-69, M

Having to take care of an alcoholic mother until she passed away, would be similar. No one else would do it as well.

My best advice is patience is precious. It broke my heart when my older siblings forced her into a nursing home for the last two remaining weeks.

They killed her in my opinion. She would have lived longer under my care, if not months longer. It's what even she begged of me.

All my siblings wouldn't allow it though.

Ironically my oldest sister passed away shortly later. She was the one that objected the most.

The non alcoholic sibling didn't live as long as her alcohol mother.

Those last few years were precious to me. I got to know our mother far better than all the rest. She even told me things she told no one else.

She survived all of WWII in Europe.

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akindheart · 61-69, F

@DeWayfarer you have my respect, admiration and sympathy. alcholism is horrible in itself but to have a non supportive family, it makes it even worse.

akindheart · 61-69, F

@Kstrong that is so sad. i have no addictions but my entire family has something going on. my brother and ih ave different dads. his side of that family has lost several members to addiction. my brother was born during the height of my mother's addiction so he didn't stand a chance.

antonioioio · 70-79, M

@Kstrong @akindheart I will also say , ye are both very brave to tell us about yer brothers ♥️

PoetryNEmotion · F

He can only make the decision to help himself. No one else can help him. Some die as alcoholics. Love cannot battle addiction. I feel for you. I had a dear family member who battled drugs and alcohol. Only alcohol now. It is killing him. I love him too. It will cost him his life. I know you understand the battle.

akindheart · 61-69, F

@PoetryNEmotion i have done everything humanly possible except Baker Act him. he understands it when he is sober but something sends him off the deep end. I don't want to be the one to find him.

Midlifemale · 61-69, M

My son-in-law was an alcoholic and he wouldn't give it up, even for his young children....so my daughter threw him out. Then HE divorced her so he could date other women. They all left him and he wanted to get back into his children's lives.
But still couldn't stop drinking.
He committed suicide 3 years ago. So sad.

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Midlifemale · 61-69, M

@akindheart Yes...correct. All his girlfriends left him and my daughter wouldn't take him back knowing all the women he slept with and still could not stop drinking. Was so sad and left 3 young beautiful children. My daughter is strong and had to make hard decisions and accepted that life goes on without him now.

akindheart · 61-69, F

@Midlifemale i know this pain all too well. he is just my brother but i raised him like my own kid and so i want to help him but he has to know and take responsibility for his actions. it is a very selfish disease..

Midlifemale · 61-69, M

@akindheart yes it is

Explorer · 41-45, M

I'm truly sorry to hear about the challenges your brother is facing with alcoholism. Your strength and dedication in supporting him are truly admirable.

It's clear from your words that you've been there for your brother through thick and thin, and that speaks volumes about your compassion and love. Addiction is indeed a complex and challenging battle, and it's heart-wrenching to witness a loved one go through it.

Your brother's battle with alcoholism resonates deeply with me. I've faced my own set of challenges, grappling with addictive thought patterns and finding solace in likeminded communities. It's been a constant journey, and like you, I've experienced moments of success and setbacks.

Your strength in supporting your brother reflects the love and commitment I've sought in my own quest for personal growth. It's heartening to know we're not alone in facing these uphill battles.

I'm currently pursuing a PhD in neuroscience, and one of my objectives is to delve into my own struggles to contribute positively to the community. The path has been tough, but the determination and spirituality I've embraced offer a beacon of hope. It is easy to think that simply by modifying our dopamine and reward circuitry by altering the ways we think can eventually help, however what I realized is that this is a continuous process and there is no permanent destination. As long as we live, we need to constantly remind ourselves and fight through it and if we enjoy fighting the process becomes easier.

I truly empathize with your situation and want you to know that, despite the challenges, there's always hope for positive change. We're resilient beings, capable of overcoming obstacles. I wish and pray that you and more importantly your brother can navigate these complexities and emerge stronger, fostering hope for brighter days ahead. Please do keep us updated if your brother achieve significant progress in the positive direction.

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Explorer · 41-45, M

@akindheart It's completely understandable to worry about the future, especially when you've taken such thoughtful steps to provide for your brother. The mix of wanting the best for him while navigating the guilt associated with potentially considering a tougher stance must be incredibly challenging.

Remember, it's okay to prioritize both his well-being and your peace of mind. Decisions around tough love are never easy, and finding the right balance is a personal journey. And never think about the end, future is never in our hands. We just need to be our best in the present rather than being anxious about the future.

akindheart · 61-69, F

@Explorer i think also a missing piece of this is that when our mother died, i got custody so he is kind of like my child and not mybrother. so that adds another layer to the whole mess. i think i will attend alanon and see what advice they can offer me too.

Explorer · 41-45, M

@akindheart I understand, your commitment and love shine through in every word. Exploring resources like Al-Anon sounds like a wise step. They can offer valuable insights, support, and a community of individuals facing similar challenges My prayers are with you and I wish you and your brother a lots of positivity going forward.

LadyGrace

Sounds like my daughter, only she doesn't drink. She just won't straighten up her life and the doctors ruined her long ago with prescription medications, in so many ways. She's just ruined and the only one that can save her now is God. She is suicidal, and because of the medication that the doctors put her on it made her schizophrenic and bipolar, when she was never any of those things and she doesn't take her medications right and she has at her disposal this terrible medicine that she could just overdose on at any time if she wanted to, so I really feel for you and I'm so sorry you're having to go through such a hard time as well. I'll pray for your brother. If anyone can straighten them out, it is God. I have seen him do it before for my daughter on another issue, but the doctor just keeps drugging her up and mixing her drugs and she can't even think straight and she's doing terrible things to hurt the family so bad. You're an awfully patient lady and loving lady to take such a huge responsibility on and God will bless you for that, I have no doubt.

Baremine · 70-79, C

I feel your pain as such only it was my youngest daughter. She moved out at 18 hit the bar scene. Basically alcohol was her world. Wouldn't listen to anybody didn't want to give up drinking even after 6 DUIs and two totaled cars. She died April of 2022. She had destroyed her liver with Vodka. She was so hateful the last three years. It was a year before we could morn her death. Such a wasted life.

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akindheart · 61-69, F

@Baremine WOW...that is unbelievable!! that gave me goosebumps when you wrote that everyone else was dead. I keep waiting for the aha moment for my brother hoping he comes to his senses. i go to church every sunday. i have mentioned it but he doesn't go.

Baremine · 70-79, C

@akindheart we were in Baton Rouge and had just signed in for Resurrection Campmeeting when we got the word. Paul the kid told me " you do what you want but I think you should stay there. The Lord had a reason for taking you when he did and you were where you are with people you look up to. We did stay. Donnie Swaggert was the first person I told. Hadn't planned on saying anything but just blurted it out. He spent several minutes with us. Longer than I expected and remembered us the next day. So many people were such a support at that church. We live in Missouri so we were strangers there

I would try to get my daughter to watch SBN. But she would just look at me and say I am just going to watch friends. The most painful thing is I don't know where she is now. I know where mom and dad are and my inlaws. But God knows what he is doing. The is the 23 psalm.

akindheart · 61-69, F

@Baremine maybe it is our age but it is a big concern of me that we are all together when we pass away. if you know the city, you can call to see where the county put her cremains. i was part of a program with the DAR that buried the military cremains. you would not believe all the people who leave their loved ones ashes on a shelf at the funeral home in old boxes etc.

LadyGrace

Do you think maybe you could get your brother interested in something fun like karate to work out his frustrations? That may really turn him around. You could even talk to a karate instructor and tell him the situation and maybe invite him to the house and let him talk to your brother and get him excited.

RuyLopez · 56-60, M

I sorry to hear you are living through this. You give him a place to stay and watch after him. There is nothing more you can do other than pray for him.

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RuyLopez · 56-60, M

@akindheart Sometimes there are no solutions to our problems. I couldn't let someone just go off and die either. But you should not blame yourself for his situation or ultimate end. It is between him and his addiction.

akindheart · 61-69, F

@RuyLopez when i know he is laying at his storage unit, sick and on the ground, i could let him die. i just haven't gotten to that point as of yet. ona scale of 1 - 10, he is a 10

RuyLopez · 56-60, M

@akindheart I can't imagine how hard it is on you.

antonioioio · 70-79, M

I haven't got a clue what might help in this dreadful situation, but sure theirs lots of people i, or groups of people in the same situation as you, that you might contact♥️

akindheart · 61-69, F

@antonioioio my brother was in AA for a long time. rehab 4 times. he says he is too busy to go back. not sure what else to do but join Alanon

antonioioio · 70-79, M

@akindheart having a brother who is destroying himself must be soul destroying
I had a sister that I was very close to, passed away over 20 years and I still feel that loss like it only happened yesterday
It was cancer that took her, so what took her only lasted a year
But your pain is lasting years which must be really hard on you ♥️

sunriselover · M

Alcohol solves nothing. It just delays reality.

I watched my father come home drunk every Sunday afternoon as a boy, and beat my mother up.

akindheart · 61-69, F

@sunriselover that is horrible. my mom and dad would have horrific fights. my brother is not violent. he just is past the point of no return...

LadyGrace

This is awful. I am so sorry to hear this.

Heartlander · 80-89, M

Worth watching ...

[media=https://youtu.be/7BGtVJ3lBdE]

akindheart · 61-69, F

@Heartlander i have heard about this! i will have to see if it is offered around here

Heartlander · 80-89, M

@akindheart It sounds experimental. I certainly hope the experimental phase leads to a dependable way to treat both Parkinson's AND addictions. Notice how the doctor mentioned that it was a PART of the cure, the patients still went through supportive aversion therapy to break them free of the addictions.

Heartlander · 80-89, M

@Heartlander One of my take-away thoughts after watching that program was that alcoholics breaking their addiction could be like someone with Parkinson's trying to stop heir tremors. Sometimes they can for a few seconds or minutes with someone else's calming hand, but that's about it.

Mikla · 61-69, F

My friend, I am so sorry you must live this way!

akindheart · 61-69, F

@Mikla he is the greatest guy but it runs on his side of the family and he has lost many members...so it is in his genes

SW-User

Shows that you’re a good person.

akindheart · 61-69, F

@SW-User thank you...i sure try!

WillaKissing · 56-60

Bless you both Luv!

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