Addiction of Any Kind

My brother, who lives with me, is an alcoholic. It is the most horrible of all things to go through as a caring sibling. When our mother died, I inherited my brother. I was the only one in the family that had children so it was an easy fix...Akindheart gets the kid. I raised him as my own.

He started drinking at 14 that I know of. He has been sober for long periods of time but then binge drinks when something stresses him out.

No one will help me. The family is done with him and I have to watch this on a daily basis. yes, I can kick him out, Yes, I can let him die and Yes, I know that he has to want treatment. Even my friends avoid me rather than discuss it.

It is the worst thing you can inflict on a family member. The absolutely worst. I have tried everything to help him. right now, he is doing good but who knows what will set him off again.

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Explorer · 41-45, M

I'm truly sorry to hear about the challenges your brother is facing with alcoholism. Your strength and dedication in supporting him are truly admirable.

It's clear from your words that you've been there for your brother through thick and thin, and that speaks volumes about your compassion and love. Addiction is indeed a complex and challenging battle, and it's heart-wrenching to witness a loved one go through it.

Your brother's battle with alcoholism resonates deeply with me. I've faced my own set of challenges, grappling with addictive thought patterns and finding solace in likeminded communities. It's been a constant journey, and like you, I've experienced moments of success and setbacks.

Your strength in supporting your brother reflects the love and commitment I've sought in my own quest for personal growth. It's heartening to know we're not alone in facing these uphill battles.

I'm currently pursuing a PhD in neuroscience, and one of my objectives is to delve into my own struggles to contribute positively to the community. The path has been tough, but the determination and spirituality I've embraced offer a beacon of hope. It is easy to think that simply by modifying our dopamine and reward circuitry by altering the ways we think can eventually help, however what I realized is that this is a continuous process and there is no permanent destination. As long as we live, we need to constantly remind ourselves and fight through it and if we enjoy fighting the process becomes easier.

I truly empathize with your situation and want you to know that, despite the challenges, there's always hope for positive change. We're resilient beings, capable of overcoming obstacles. I wish and pray that you and more importantly your brother can navigate these complexities and emerge stronger, fostering hope for brighter days ahead. Please do keep us updated if your brother achieve significant progress in the positive direction.

akindheart · 61-69, F

@Explorer what a beautiful and well thought out response. thank you for that. I talked to my boss who is a recovering alcoholic. he thought he was beyond hope and near death himself. i asked him why i felt like i was talking to a 14 yr old. he asked me when he started drinking and i said about 14 right after we lost our mother. he said that developmentally they stop maturing when they become an alcoholic. so that is how i deal with him. not as a sister but as a mother talking to a teen.

i hope we can be friends.

Explorer · 41-45, M

@akindheart Thank you for your heartfelt and kind message. Your approach of treating your brother like a mother talking to a teen is both compassionate and insightful, and I appreciate you sharing this perspective.

I recently read Joscha Bach's article on levels of lucidity, resonating with the developmental challenges individuals face when dealing with addiction. Your conversation with your boss aligns with this idea, and I'm grateful for your courage in navigating this unique aspect of your relationship.

I'm glad to have the opportunity to be friends with you. Regarding your approach to your brother, perhaps instilling the belief that he can help himself could be empowering. It's a challenging process, and I acknowledge that my understanding may not fully capture the complexities of dealing with alcoholism.

Addressing the root problem that alcohol temporarily solves and helping him identify positive alternatives could be promising. It's about taking small, consistent steps and understanding that setbacks are a natural part of the process. This realization, however, has to be developed within your brother.

akindheart · 61-69, F

@Explorer whew...that made me pause for a minute. we have tried rehab 3 or 4 times. i have participated in the programs to support him. i guess i am lucky to have kept him alive all these years. he is now 53. what concerns me is that he seems to not have a shut off valve and keeps drinking even when he is drunk. i have tried everything in my arsenal to get him to see the consequences. it just hurts that i have no one to talk to. people literally avoid me for fear i will tell them he is drinking again. Addiction is a selfish disease.

Explorer · 41-45, M

@akindheart Your openness about the challenges with your brother's addiction touches my heart. Your unwavering dedication to supporting him through rehab and various programs reflects not only your strength but also the depth of your love.

It's evident that for your brother, alcoholism may be a way to cope with stress and emotions. Yet, I can't help but wish he could fully appreciate the tremendous effort and emotions you're investing in his well-being. Having a robust support system, be it family or friends, is vital. Our brain's intricate circuitry often defaults to suboptimal paths until it finds more positive coping mechanisms. I agree with you that addiction can manifest as a form of selfishness, coupled with a reluctance to confront our problems. I say this not as an accusation but as someone who has grappled with addictive thought patterns and is on a journey of self-recovery.

In my experience, the struggle may resurface, but the belief that these waves can be navigated with hope and persistence has been a guiding light. Witnessing someone we care about pulled in different directions by the grip of addiction is undeniably tough. The isolation you feel when others avoid discussing it is something I can imagine, but remember, you're not alone. I'm here with an understanding ear whenever you need to talk.

Your strength is truly inspiring. Keep that flame of hope alive—it can be the most potent medicine in challenging times. And remember, there's no point in succumbing to suggestions that say there's no hope. I firmly believe that even if we're hanging onto a tiny bit of rope while falling from a cliff, we have to put up a fight until we make it to the top. If we try and still fail, that's okay, but surrendering without putting up a fight is not okay.

akindheart · 61-69, F

@Explorer you are a true gem of a friend. thank you for your kindness, compliments and words of encouragement. right now, he is ok but like you said, he uses it as a coping mechanism. i am 15 yrs older than him. i have no idea what will happen to him when i die. i have provided for him in my will and have taken care of him again.

i hope he sees the light and gets some help. i hate to use tough love. there is no peace of mind when I feel guilty.

Explorer · 41-45, M

@akindheart It's completely understandable to worry about the future, especially when you've taken such thoughtful steps to provide for your brother. The mix of wanting the best for him while navigating the guilt associated with potentially considering a tougher stance must be incredibly challenging.

Remember, it's okay to prioritize both his well-being and your peace of mind. Decisions around tough love are never easy, and finding the right balance is a personal journey. And never think about the end, future is never in our hands. We just need to be our best in the present rather than being anxious about the future.

akindheart · 61-69, F

@Explorer i think also a missing piece of this is that when our mother died, i got custody so he is kind of like my child and not mybrother. so that adds another layer to the whole mess. i think i will attend alanon and see what advice they can offer me too.

Explorer · 41-45, M

@akindheart I understand, your commitment and love shine through in every word. Exploring resources like Al-Anon sounds like a wise step. They can offer valuable insights, support, and a community of individuals facing similar challenges My prayers are with you and I wish you and your brother a lots of positivity going forward.