I’m too depressed to take pics and prove that I’m still hot and sexy, you guys are just gonna have to believe me
Nothing sexier than realizing the task you’ve been putting off for 2 months due to unjust anxiety went great and only took 12 minutes to do
My commitment issues are so bad it’s actually funnyOne time this girl asked me “what are we?” and I responded with “we are farmers bum ba dum bum bum bum bum.”
The word “mommy” has been so sexualized that if I ever have kids they’re just gonna have to call me dude or some shit like that
The dmv be like “sorry ma’am you forgot to bring the original copy of the Declaration of Independence”
If someone makes a negative comment concerning your character and your automatic response is “i make [given amount of money] a year”You’ve already proven their point.
People love saying “this generation is so soft” as if mfs in the 60s weren’t having meltdowns because they saw two men holding hands
Sorry I didn’t reply to your email in a timely matter, it’s just that none of this bullshit matters, not even in the slightest 💕Kind regards.
Vaping is wild to meYou ever pass by a group of mfs trying to look all cool and shit, and they all smell like strawberry muffins?
If you ever find yourself being hired for a job on the spot and hear the words “welcome to the family”Just know you’re about to encounter multiple human rights violations
Imagine getting murdered just for some 14 year old to skip your episode on forensic files because it’s boring
The only requirement for being a hot girl is believing you’re a hot girlIt’s all in the confidence babes