I Don't Know What to Do Anymore
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I Don't Know What to Do Anymore

My boyfriend had an accident and is now confined in a wheel chair and ever since his personality has split. He turned into a monster! He yells, became increasingly aggressive, verbally abusive and is very manipulative and can't keep a proper conversation without being aggravated.I empathize with him and find it hard to leave him because I know what a great person he was, to make it worse he refuse to seek therapy or counselling. This whole thing is stressing me and I feel stuck
RyannaT
26-30, F
39 replies 53 views Dec 12, 2017
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GwydionFrost · 56-60, M
His personality didn't split... he's become bitter and enraged at that whole situation... and since talking to a therapist would be admitting that he cannot do this by himself, either... on top of everything else taken from him to this point...?

He's going to stubbornly refuse the help, even though accepting it could alleviate the issues.

To be honest, it's going to take you pulling him aside, and forcing him to listen to you. To do this, you cannot be wishy-washy and dance around the subject. You have to let him know you will NOT be abused by anyone, including him.

You need to make it very clear-- he lost use of his legs, not his life. However, if he keeps on choosing to destroy the rest of his life, just so he can claim he was right about everything and everyone (self fulfilling prophecy), he can... just not with YOU around to witness it.

He needs to understand-- you've adapted fine to his physical changes. It's the mental abuse he's dishing out to everyone you've got issues with.
+ 2 · Reply · Translate · Dec 12, 2017
MissMollyCharlotte0702
@GwydionFrost excellent advice!! I work with people with disabilities and I’ve seen the abuse and self pity. Family members are beside themselves not always knowing what to do. Family has to be firm.
He didn’t die so he needs to stop acting like he did.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Dec 12, 2017
GwydionFrost · 56-60, M
@MissMollyCharlotte0702 I'm a USMC vet. I've seen this, too... and we have AMAZING support in those circumstances.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Dec 12, 2017
ChefBrian · 41-45, M
@GwydionFrost his advice is solid!
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Dec 15, 2017
Inquisator · M
your boyfriend "died" in the accident, and the guy in the wheelchair is not him, so time to leave
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Dec 12, 2017
Inquisator · M
No he is broken, and staying with him will only break you also, take a chat with the staff at any care unit and they will tell you the same.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Dec 12, 2017
RyannaT · 26-30, F
@Inquisator Don't you think that it's a passing phase because he is still bitter about life that maybe things will turn out okay
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Dec 12, 2017
Inquisator · M
It might be, but if the time frame for this passing is years then you are stuck with a depression and are no support anyway
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Dec 12, 2017
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RyannaT · 26-30, F
@thezoologist It has crossed my mind but I pity him
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Dec 12, 2017
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DanielChristensen · 46-50, M
That's awful. He's projecting his suffering, loss of Independence. He needs therapy
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Dec 12, 2017
ChefBrian · 41-45, M
He is angry, and bitter that his life has forever changed.
You need to make a hard decision if you want to stay or go. If its go, then go. If its stay than tell him how you expect to be treated, and how you want to be there, but can't under the current circumstances. I understand why he's upset, but he doesn't have to take it out on you.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Dec 15, 2017
SW-User
You have to ask yourself if you truly love him, or do you just feel sorry for him? I'm afraid if the answer is B, pity and guilt are not a solid foundation for any relationship.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Dec 12, 2017
RyannaT · 26-30, F
@SW-User I still love him a lot and to be honest sometimes his pain is equally mine
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Dec 12, 2017
SW-User
@RyannaT it sounds like you have some serious soul searching to do, but at least there is a glimmer of hope for your relationship. Just remember, it's yours and his relationship. nobody, and I mean NOBODY should interfere with you and your feelings at this point. Good or bad, right or wrong? Only you know, and you and your bf will figure this out....together, with any luck.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Dec 12, 2017
SW-User
@SW-User I should add that I agree with anyone who suggests he needs counseling. You may need to go together, but at this point, I think he needs it more than you. He has been through a traumatic life changing experience, and needs more than just your support, but also the support of a professional doctor or councilor.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Dec 12, 2017
SW-User
leave him, let him suffer all alone when he needs you the most.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Dec 12, 2017
SW-User
@RyannaT Why do people ask questions that they know the answer to? :)
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Dec 12, 2017
RyannaT · 26-30, F
@SW-User I have no answer of what to do, hence I asked seeking for brilliant ideas
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Dec 12, 2017
SW-User
@RyannaT they would think you are self absorbed person. You can leave your boyfriend but it would be ethically and morally wrong to betray 'your friend' when he needs you the most
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Dec 12, 2017
tallpowerhouseblonde · 31-35, F
Your boyfriend has been through a horrific experience and it has of course changed his outlook on life.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Dec 12, 2017
RyannaT · 26-30, F
@tallpowerhouseblonde Any ideas of how I can make it better?
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Dec 12, 2017
tallpowerhouseblonde · 31-35, F
You probably can't.He needs the professional help that you have said. @RyannaT
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Dec 12, 2017
MissMollyCharlotte0702
Does he have a brain injury?
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Dec 12, 2017
RyannaT · 26-30, F
@MissMollyCharlotte0702 His spine was affected hence it's permanent. He knows he is depressed and often cries a lot and has become very pessimistic about his life. I had a talk with him and ultimatum of leaving if he doesn't change then he told me he will just commit suicide and that scared the hell out of me
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Dec 12, 2017
MissMollyCharlotte0702
I’m sorry. You know it might help if you get some counselling. You need support in knowing how to deal with this.
No one wants him to commit suicide, but you are doing everything you can.
You need either counselling or a support group.@RyannaT
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Dec 12, 2017
RyannaT · 26-30, F
@MissMollyCharlotte0702 I appreciate❤
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Dec 12, 2017
Tukudo · 41-45, M
If you have deep love with him then be with him whatever his condition, but don't feel love then leave him
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Dec 15, 2017
Goralski · 51-55, M
Oh brother
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Dec 12, 2017
 
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