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I Think About Killing Myself

I am tired of cruel people. I try to be alone & they bully, kick us out & harrass us. I'd like to be in my own bubble & enjoy the internet but apparently I can't. My mom wants to kick me out of the car dai!y, she cant stand my anxieties. I don't know what to do when my parents die. No money, no house, no friends, no family etc.

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Melpomene · 26-30, F

If I ever learnt anything in life, it's that you have to work hard for everything you want. Some people are lucky to easily befriend someone or they are born in a wealthy.. and some doesn't. Life is unfair. On the other side, you wrote you want to kill yourself (I know, bad way to start). But, what about people who would miss you? Maybe there is someone who loves you (friend, crush, family.. - by what you wrote I assume they are still alive?). Also, what made you come to this point? Suicidal thoughts don't just happen out of blue. You must've had a reason to fight til now. Why stop?

DarkSillyArtistGamerGeekdddddd · 31-35, F

@MelpomeneIf working hard meant something then many farmers & agriculture workers would be rich then. My parents are sick & want to kill themselves too. The places we hang out away from the fire kicked us out. Where can we go? Stay in the the hot or cold car? Pigs to!d us we can't park overnight. Do you know how bad it is to be homeless?

Melpomene · 26-30, F

@DarkSillyArtistGamerGeekdddddd Luckily, I don't. Though how do you have internet? Also, lots of people who succeeded and have fortunes now, were homeless. But they searched for a job and didn't give up. If you're not capable in fighting for yourself maybe you don't belong in this cruel world. Yet, we all have our ups and down, in one way or another. What's important is to keep going and one day we should be rewarded for it (karma, God, universe, whatever someone believes in..)

DarkSillyArtistGamerGeekdddddd · 31-35, F

@Melpomene We hang outside businesses in the car. I don't need money, we need people to help. I believe in trading services, items & knowledge instead of money. I do some of it online. Its harder in person and well, flakes. What about the meek shall inherit the Earth?

DanielChristensen · 46-50, M

I hope you'll find a path that brings you purpose and security 🙏

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DanielChristensen · 46-50, M

@DarkSillyArtistGamerGeekdddddd Hang in there. It's going to work out one way or another

DarkSillyArtistGamerGeekdddddd · 31-35, F

@DanielChristensen My mom keeps downing me, telling me fuck art when I say thats my motivation to live, she wants kick me out of the car. She keeps telling me I might as well kill myself & if I don't, she will.

DanielChristensen · 46-50, M

@DarkSillyArtistGamerGeekdddddd That's awful. *hugs* You need to find a life away from that negativity

RoxClymer · 41-45, M

that is why I moved Far Far away from either of my parents and started a life of my own I was free to do what I needed or wanted to do for myself with no one in my face nagging me, causing my depression and anxiety

DarkSillyArtistGamerGeekdddddd · 31-35, F

@RoxClymer Yes, but that is harder to happen. More than ever people in their 20s are living with family. Even people with college degrees are still homeless.

RoxClymer · 41-45, M

@DarkSillyArtistGamerGeekdddddd I totally understand that, I was on a fixed income by 30, and about 85% goes into rent, I have also lived with family and the probably the most important thing I learned was I NEED my own space, even if it is in the same structure as family, i need room to be myself,

I guess it's all about priorities, do you want to live on your own eating white bread and ramen or live with someone and their constant nagging ?

DarkSillyArtistGamerGeekdddddd · 31-35, F

@RoxClymer I plan on making & growing my own food when I get housing so I can live without money. We may have nearly enough for housing & land but dad constantly says he wants to leave his sisters house & to find an apt but mom doesnt want to live with him. Hes like unhappy everywhere. He has many ailments. He was basically my only friend all along. Dang, I'm choking up. My mom gets regularly angry but she is caring & giving. I'm an introvert so about the only alone time I get is with earphones in the car watching vids. My mom constantly talks & I zone out a lot.

Wiseacre · F

I suggest u get a job and become independent...then u'll have money, house, and friends!

DarkSillyArtistGamerGeekdddddd · 31-35, F

@Wiseacre Nope, very needy. No one will hire me. They expect me to talk.

Softandsweet2 · 31-35, F

Baby, life is never fair. Lots of assholes out there, but you have to be strong. You're the only one you have to take care of... dont worry about others - just do the best you can.

DarkSillyArtistGamerGeekdddddd · 31-35, F

@Softandsweet2 I'm not strong. I can cry for hours if my mom didn't stop me. I can't take care of myself. I'm very needy.

Softandsweet2 · 31-35, F

I can cry a lot too sometimes, but I try not to sink into a funk. I get up and do something even if its wrong. You're a pretty girl - go to a bar and let the croud tell you so. It will make you feel better. Well, maybe not tomorrow, but one day at the time.

DarkSillyArtistGamerGeekdddddd · 31-35, F

@Softandsweet2 I'm introverted, quiet, shy, awkward, social anxiety. I prefer to be alone most of the time. Well today was my period of crying heavily. I don't like bars nor drink. I prefer charging up at places, make art, watch vids, game, geek out, write etc.

Mondayschild · F

I hope you have a career lined up so you can provide for yourself. Life has never been kind

DarkSillyArtistGamerGeekdddddd · 31-35, F

@Mondayschild I don't. They won't hire me anyway. I didn't do well in school. I'm trying to live without money but if people don't help/trade then idk.

Spokeskitties75 · 46-50, M

The way I look at life is it’s like playing black jack at the casino. Sometimes the hands suck... sometimes they are good. And no matter how many people are playing at the table and what crap they are saying to you... it doesn’t matter... because the game is just between you... and the House.

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