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I Am Lonley

My ex husband of 15 years left our 4 kids and me 3 years ago. I have a pain illness that means I have to use a walking stick when I'm out. He spent years knocking my confidence telling me I was a "old ugly cripple who no one would ever want". Since then I've found it hard not to feel that he is/Was right. I feel like my illness defines me and that it will be the only thing people see. So I tend to lock myself away which compounds the feelings of isolation and loneliness.

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Solitair · 46-50, F

@Waymore thanks, I hope you have a good day as well.

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KaiserSolze · 46-50, F

When I was 18, slim and sexy I had the thought that no one would ever want me. I said it out loud to a friend who laughed at me. It was a ridiculous thought.

Now although you are older and have 4 children and a walking stick it's still as ridiculous. It's ridiculous because people with children and sticks still meet people and fall in love.

Because I had such a skewed belief when young and I really believed it until the girl just started laughing at me I challenge as many beliefs that I have as possible because alot of beliefs we have are wrong.

So I know your belief is wrong and laughable. And I know when you start to believe something different then different things will happen in your life.

Blessings 💜

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Solitair · 46-50, F

@KaiserSolze thank you. I know you are right and that I need to change my mind set. I'm going to try very hard to take on board everyone's kind words and great advice and do my best to change the way I view myself and my illness. To move forward instead of staying in the past. I really appreciate your advice. Thanks.

Vivaci

It was his insecurity that always pulled you down....and what man will leave his kids and just walk away?

A COWARD!!

So stop thinking about him and start going out on short walks...to nearby parks...meet and greet people...and before long you will have many nice friends!! Forget your past! 🤗

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Solitair · 46-50, F

@Vivaci I do believe me that's why despite the pain I'm able to keep going. I count my blessings ever day in terms of what I have. I'm lucky I have wonderful family and kids and my illness whilst it won't get better it's not terminal. I'm just not very good at putting myself out there, I guess I'm fearful. I need to work on my self confidence and Once I've done that then hopefully I will achieve a stronger mind. Thank you for your advice I appreciate it greatly.

Solitair · 46-50, F

@Waymore I will do my best. Thank you.

Solitair · 46-50, F

@Vivaci 😂 thank you

polyandrym66 · 70-79, M

My GF was mistreated like you describe also. She now lives with me and we are so right for each other. So you WILL find the right one for you also, if you try.. We were not trying, but found each other on EP and followed to SW.. Started a long distance relationship that grew, and I talked her into retiring her 24/7 caretaking live in job and moving 600 miles away from family and friends to live with me in the frozen north (Michigan)...

She uses a cane to walk with very arthritic hips and bad knees and has breathing problems...
I also have breathing problems and we are both overweight..

My point is, that it is NOT your physical condition the defines you.
She has a high libido and is a good cook and nutritionist..
She is convinced that with fresh food and a battery of supplements, that she can reverse my erectile dysfunction..
The main reason I was not looking for anyone.. I could no longer "perform".
But she is willing to exercise me with little reward, so long as we share oral sex and are honest in our relationship.

IT CAN WORK FOR YOU ALSO..
Do not get down on yourself..
You DO HAVE good qualities, even though I don't know you..
It's all about finding someone(s) who need those qualities in their life...
AND are willing to meet your needs in return..

I hope that 2018 is a great year for you..

TrulyDiscover82 · 41-45, F

@polyandrym66 that's au wonderful inspirational story, nice one 🤝

Cheesecake · 61-69, M

@polyandrym66 power to you both! 😀

Solitair · 46-50, F

@polyandrym66 I am so happy for you and your girlfriend. You both sound like wonderful people. I thank you for sharing your story and being so open and honest. Your kind words and advice are much appreciated and I will do my up most to follow your lead. I wish you much happiness in the future. Thank you.

Itsjustme · 26-30, F

:( don't listen to him. It doesn't matter what is physically wrong with you. What matters is how to treat yourself and others. He sounds bitter. I know how it feels to have someone who is supposed to love you put you down. After a while you believe them. But now that he's gone you have to let yourself heal emotionally. Your soul is 1,000times more beautiful than anything he could imagine. Go out, enjoy life and don't let anyone tell you who you are. Not even an illness. You are YOU. Whoever you want to be. And as FABULOUS as anyone else.

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Solitair · 46-50, F

@Itsjustme Thank you. Your right after years of being told your worthless, unlovable, unattractive etc you do start to believe it. It's going to take a while to move away from those thoughts and see them for what they truly were. One day I hope to be able to put it all in my past and be happy with myself again. I can't thanks you enough for your kind words and advice.

Solitair · 46-50, F

Thank you very much everyone for all your advice, support, kind words and shared experiences. Each and everyone of you has reminded me that I need to start making changes and stop allowing my past and an horrid ex dictate my future. Thank you you wonderful people.

Cheesecake · 61-69, M

@Solitair take your time and do it your way, for you. The very best of luck 😀

questionWeaver

SOAR ... the only thing that truly limits us ... is ourselves.

Once you soar ... the beauty you are not seeing ... will become evident.

Then ... stay on the high ground ... that is where we all should be.

Solitair · 46-50, F

@questionWeaver I know you are right and that I need to find myself again. I've never been the kind of person who judges a book by its cover so I need to realise that others don't either. I think after being married for 15 years and having been put down for the last 5 years in that marriage it's going to take a bit of work learning to think different. I thank you for your kind words and advice it's much appreciated.

questionWeaver

@Solitair

Welcome ... and you make sense.

When I teach businessmen to Soar ... it is not about changing themselves ... like yourself, you are already rather cool ... you and they do not need changing.

The only thing that needs changing is the VISION of how high you can go ... and then, where you want to go.

The process of achieving a vision lifts you, without you needing to "work on self".

Ask around ... it works ... it is easy ... it is rewarding.

Best regards,
qW

Solitair · 46-50, F

@questionWeaver I will. It sounds like a very good concept. It makes perfect sense that it is our vision that can either limit us or help us reach our full potential. I think it's time I reached for the stars!

SStarfish ·

He's a douce; forget him. He's wrong on so many levels

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Solitair · 46-50, F

@SStarfish you could be right after all to plan it would require thought. Although he is very good at manipulating people.

SStarfish ·

@Solitair sorry that you had to experience that . Thankfully i think most people are not like him. Its best to forget him and think nice thoughts instead of thinking more of him and how horrible he was/is.. Because such thoughts will just enhance your misery

Solitair · 46-50, F

@SStarfish Your completely right. It's been hard to move on and let things go. I get cross with myself for still being stuck in the past cause I feel after being on my own for nearly 3 years it's time I put it behind me. I don't talk to family or friends anymore as I know they feel I should have got over it by now.

Mk8155 · M

Your man is a douchebag
You deserve so much better. Btw you are not old.

Solitair · 46-50, F

@Mk8155 I'm very greatful that he is no longer my man. He left when I was very ill and went off with another mother at our kids school. He left, divorced me and remarried the woman he was having an affair with all within a year. He now plays happy families with her and her children whilst ignoring his own kids. The up shot is you are correct he is a douchebag! Thank you for taking the time to reply to my story.

DanielChristensen · 46-50, M

*hugs

mustufamerchant · 41-45, M

So sorry for that. U r welcome.

Solitair · 46-50, F

@mustufamerchant thank you

Beebo · M

Nonsense, you can be as beautiful as you want if you place your heart into it. Don't let another human being bring you down. Stay strong, smile, and keep your spirits up!

nevergiveup · M

My now x wife left me after 18 years. I have been on my own now for 12 years. I to have 4 kids and they have all grown up and moved on. If you want a friend to talk to i am here

john146wtl · 36-40, F

Why did he marry you in the first place?

Solitair · 46-50, F

@john146wtl At the time he loved me. I wasn't ill 18 years ago either. I got ill after the birth of our last child.

SINAI · T

You forgot the 'e' at the end of your name.

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