Steven wright? Are there any Steven Wright fans out there?

Sometimes I lay in bed, staring up at the stars, and wonder….. who took my roof?

Lumberjack70 · 56-60, M

Anywhere is within walking distance, if you have enough time

Bumbles · 51-55, M

Yes!

“I'm addicted to placebos.”

“I remember the day the candle shop burned down. Everybody just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.”

“I was walking through the forest alone and a tree fell right in front of me. And I didn’t hear it.”

TrunkZ · 56-60, M

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand

IronHamster · 56-60, M

Steven came out with his first comedy tape in the 20th century, and his second in the 21st century. I am patiently awaiting what great humor he will create in the 22nd century.

Prisoner1972 · 51-55, M

"Last night we were playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and three people died."

JimboSaturn · 56-60, M

The other day I bought powered water; I didn't know what to add to it.

BrewCityBarfly · M

I was. Small world... but I wouldn't want to paint it...

Iwillwait · M

"I guess, I am.." *says in monotone voice*

Picklebobble2 · 56-60, M

I bought a new dog.....He's a paranoid retriever.......He runs off and brings back everything.......cause he's not sure what i threw him

ElwoodBlues · M

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

What's another word for Thesaurus?

Prisoner1972 · 51-55, M

When I die I'm donating my body to science fiction.

Prisoner1972 · 51-55, M

What I got home today I put my car key in the door and the house started up. So I drove it around the block.
A cop pulled me over and asked, "where do you live?"
I said, "here."