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I work so much that it feels pointless

Up until a few months ago the majority of my work was in the corporate world. I was traveling a lot and I was constantly working and I won a big company award last year which included a trip to the Dominican Republic.
I have always worked really hard because I actually love hard work but since I had a baby a year ago I had to switch my focus a bit and focus my work here at home. I switched to a less enjoyable job working from home within the same company.
My goals are to build my wealth for my family but I won't lie the work I'm doing at home feels a bit pointless.

I'm not delusional about working for a company I don't think there's any grand virtue in making money for some massive company. I definitely think taking care of my child is better, but my husband is just so lazy that everything I do feels so pointless.
My house is so dirty that I cannot even have guests over. My baby never seems to change clothes unless I bathe him and change him. My husband does not work nor drive.
Don't get me wrong my husband is the primary caregiver for our son but he does it so lazily. Everything else is left up to me and nothing is ever done I don't know.
InHeaven · F
If he doesn’t work or drive then he definitely should clean the house. I mean you were the one who solely carried and birthed the child. All that labor. So unfair
4meAndyou · F
Your environment is very important to your state of mind. Drag hubby to counseling. He has unaddressed mental heatly issues, scientifically known as terminal laziness. Perhaps a counselor can make him see that he is hurting his whole little family with his bad habits. This should be done as a first step.

Hiring someone to do the housework and the tidying is simply enabling him. Instead, since you say you have some money, hire an organizer to come in and work with him and TEACH him how it's done.
I'm so sorry, that all sounds so unfulfilling and frustrating, and thats not how being the mom should be.
Can you hire someone else in? someone who will do the job?
maybe this is not the job for your husband either.
REMsleep · 41-45, F
@nonsensiclesnail I thought about hiring some help which I can sort of afford. I mean I certainly have other bills that's Id rather pay down but hiring a girl once or twice a week to help tidy up might help my mental state but I dunno since he doesn't work I just feel that I shouldn't have to and beside this my husband hates having people over because it's messy in the house. He actively gets really upset if anyone sees how messy it is.
@REMsleep I am him in that sense. I cant have people in my house when it is not up to my standards and no one else in the house really gets that. But I also cant do it all on my own, so.... ive been toying with hiring someone to come in and I can sort of afford it. I don't want to though.
But, for you and your mental health, you need to get things done to a pint that you care comfortable. You have a tiny human to care for and a career, thats not a small challenge. And, something in your life needs to change.
Iwillwait · M
@REMsleep Great Idea! Get some help. You'll understand quickly how valuable they are and how cost effective it is to give you more freedom to use your time for family and earning.
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meggie · F
Your husband has no shame and you let him get away with it
Briggett · T
@REMsleep what love got to do with you can do bad by yourself you probably don’t even need help from anyone else including him.
@REMsleep Again, you let him treat you like this. Your son deserves a decent father. Maybe you fantasized. Go to s counsellor. They can teach you boundaries. How to make a marriage work. Course it takes two. You married a playboy. Why, exactly?
Justmeraeagain · 56-60, F
@REMsleep
He could still see his son.
Still watch him while you worked,just somewhere seperate.
He sounds like a man child, honestly.
You trsined your husbsnd how to trest you. Untrsin him. Start today. Have s chat about this. How you feel. What you expect. Set boundaries. Make rules. What will you fo if he does not change? Think seriously about consequences. Do you want to stay married to such a partner? He will teach your baby in time to be like that. Unfair division of labour. Does he even like his role? Lots of questions. Do you take time for self care? It's a mess. Start today.
GeniUs · 56-60, M
Start hiding your wealth, that mother needs a taste of divorce.
SWUser123987 · 51-55, M
Sounds like you “settled” for the first warm body that came along when you got married.
REMsleep · 41-45, F
@SWUser123987 I really didn't. I was just bad at picking he is one of those people that's"nice".
I assumed that bad husbands would be bad guys or act bad or you know have more obvious bad characteristics but you can be a nice nerdy guy and still be a really bad husband and be lazy and selfish.
He doesn't really think we have major issues. Or maybe he knows but just acts like it's ok. I dunno
SWUser123987 · 51-55, M
@REMsleep curious, outside of domestic things, is he still useless in bed?
@REMsleep You chose nice. Lazy. Unmotivated. Selfish. What will you do now?What would motivate him to change? Does he really love you and his family?
https://similarworlds.com/nature-outdoors/5144184-When-you-have-work-ethic-instead-of-generational-wealth
Zonuss · 46-50, M
Don't give up. Keep going. Save a little along the way.
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REMsleep · 41-45, F
@Sometimesitsbetter2letsome1go I can't imagine anything else right now. It's been 10 years. I will be old one day same situation.
I'm not taking slavery lightly but I feel like a slave with slightly more freedom.
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