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A very personal post

Poll - Total Votes: 20
You're being sensitive
It's not ok
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You may vote on multiple answers, up to 3.
A couple of months ago something happened to me, i still don't know how to feel.

I am a 21 year old woman from europe so i'm very sorry for my english if it's bad.

A couple of months ago i went on a girls vacation to spain. one night after we were done at the club waiting outside a man sat beside me. I was drunk, very drunk. He started talking to me and rested my head on his shoulder because i was tired. At a certain point this man took my face and started kissing me. I tried to push him away, i really did. I wasn't strong enough. He had one hand on the back of my head to keep me from pulling away and the other inside my dress, inside my bra. I froze and tears started falling but he didn't stop. Another guy pulled him off me as we were still outside the club. The next day i told my sister who coincidentally stayed in that same night. She got mad at the situation, asking me why i drank that much and why i didn't just stay in with her. She tried to find a reason. I don't blame her. After that trip i have gotten scared of drinking, i intentially gained alot of weight so no one would find me attractive (i used to love my body and worked out 6-7 days a week) and i dont go out at all anymore. No one from my personal life knows except for my sister. I just feel my life getting worse and i don't know what to do. The worst part is that i keep feeling it was all my fault. I know this is not nearly as bad as what happens to other women, but it's horrible to me. I would love some advice, just please be kind.
DS1980 · 41-45, M
It wasn't your fault and don't let it make u feel bad about yourself. He used his strength to take advantage. Be grateful it got no worse, try to move on x
badminton · 61-69, MVIP
You had a scare. You were unharmed, you are safe. See it as a valuable lesson. Do not drink too much at clubs or bars. It makes you vulnerable. That fact is some men are uncivilized and not to be trusted.
If you do go out to bars or clubs go with a couple of girlfriends. Watch out for each other. Don't wander off by yourself.
Now you can start exercising again and be healthy.
Mordechai · 31-35, M
Honestly I think you've taken what you consider a counter action in response to what happened but to your detriment. I think you just need to practice and establish boundaries, maybe join a martial arts gym to get your confidence back, and tbh I think most women should avoid drinking if they're not with a group of people, or avoid places like clubs because its mostly people trying to get laid

I remember I got jumped by 4 guys when I was 19 and I didn't wanna go anywhere by myself afterwards. I suffered with it for years until I actually did something proactive about it that wasn't just escapism or self loathing. It meant doing some fighting classes, facing that fear, meeting good people, and getting that confidence back.

I am sorry that happened to you, it can be dangerous for girls especially. Don't become someone you don't like because of one person.
It was definitely not your fault, he pulled a piggish act that night. If he was a gentleman he would have treated you with dignity and respect and would have made dignified effort to keep you safe. I don't understand what this world is coming to. Don't blame yourself
anoniem · 18-21, F
@mindlessdrifter Thank you.
DeWayfarer · 61-69, M
Live and learn. So you made a mistake. EVERYONE does many times throughout their lives.

No one is perfect.

No I'm not excusing him. Yet this has been the case throughout history.

Learn from your mistakes! It's the only way to avoid problems.

Please don't stop living. If exercise is your thing, this is not a good reason to stop. Actually it might even help you in the long run. Keep you focused on yourself.

The overall you is more important than any mistake you might make.

I didn't vote on this because it doesn't give a learning option. Blame is simply not going to help you.

Are you going to learn from this? 🤷🏻‍♂️

If you don't, it's unfortunately likely to happen again.

And that is definitely not a good thing.
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Justforfun65 · 56-60, M
Definitely not your fault he needs someone to give him a attitude adjustment
Starcrossed · 41-45, F
This was not your fault. It really sounds like you could use a bit of professional guidance in therapy to work through this trauma.
in10RjFox · M
There are many who go through this kind of situation much younger in life. Don't be alone in public especially when you are drunk as your reflexes are down. In high spirits it's normal to be over friendly which others take advantage of. So try to be within the group always. You will be okay soon once you start having a party with friends. Memories fade. Don't let it become a phobia.

Forget the incident and don't keep telling everyone about it.
AthrillatheHunt · 51-55, M
Right off the bat : you did nothing wrong . What happened was not caused by you. Telling this story here is a good first step . Plse tell it to a trained professional who can help you regain your self esteem . I hope your sister eventually changes her stance .
anoniem · 18-21, F
@AthrillatheHunt She wasn’t mad at me, she wat mad at the situation. We had a conversation about it again a couple of weeks later and she confessed something similar happened to her years ago. I understand her.
It's good to talk about uncomfortable things. You did nothing wrong except innocently choosing the wrong guy to be vulnerable with.
Jenny1234 · 51-55, F
I suppose you should go for counselling it will help. None of it was your fault though
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Ynotisay · M
@allygator18 You might be right. It's not uncommon. And I can't wrap my head around it. But that said, if they were legit, or maybe there's a young woman here dealing with something similar, then my comment stands for them.
anoniem · 18-21, F
@allygator18 hello, i understand you not believing me or this story. I don’t expect you to. This is just something i have really been struggling with as i’ve never experienced anything like it. I just looked up websites to anonymously vent and found this one as i don’t want people in my personal circle to know. With that being said you still do not have to believe me. Have a lovely day.
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