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For two months I've been waking up in the middle of the night angry, and then I can't get back to sleep until like 5am or later

I love it so much

It's really affecting my work ethic and ability to give a shit about anything.

All I ever wanna do is drink every day (it's the second of two days in a row that I haven't in two weeks)

I had strep throat and was drinking myself to sleep while on antibiotics anyway

Which made me feel worse. I made loads of mistakes at work.

Yesterday my eyelids were swollen from crying so much I was so embarrassed to be at work

I'm just pretty well sick of it and I'm a weak person for even caring this much but whateeeverrrr

I just don't wanna do anything except sleep. So I am gonna do that mostly so that I won't drink at least, then I can start trying to do art again and things

I'm sure lots of people will read this and think I'm being a whiny little bitch, but I am. I am unhappy, I have no drive or passion for whatever. I just wanna sit in a corner and rot
Our minds and situations are not all the same. It's too easy to look at someone else and think they shouldn't be doing something. Things are more complicated than that.

I hope you get the help you need. Or just that time will pass and you'll naturally come around. Have you thought to see a therapist? I sometimes think I should, but I never do.
caccoon · 36-40
@froggtongue yeah I will be going back to therapy soon, I've found it helpful in the past

I prefer group therapy as it allows me to work on things on my own and give few details out loud, but gives me logical thought processes and tools to deal with emotional problems
@caccoon Hm. That's a good thought. I'll try to keep that in mind should I ever go and look for my own group.
caccoon · 36-40
@froggtongue I hope you find something that works for you!
Harmonium1923 · 51-55, M
I’m sorry, C. Do you have a counselor you could meet with, maybe even someone with some background in substance disorders as well?
caccoon · 36-40
@Harmonium1923 I'm waiting to get a call back from the intake office, my appt had to be rescheduled
Harmonium1923 · 51-55, M
@caccoon I’m glad you are taking that step! 💚💚💚
You need to stop hating and forgive yourself and him for whatever.. people make mistakes but you cant heal if you keep picking your scar.. give yourself a break and think happy thoughts .. don't hate yourself for loving someone.. just remember the good parts and what made you happy and try to move on 😐
caccoon · 36-40
@SStarfish this is really good advice.

I felt calmer today when I thought about forgiving him for what he did. Just for myself, helps to let go and just recognize him as another human I knew for a short time in my very long life
Yeah ☺️🌿@caccoon
I hate when that happens
DunningKruger · 61-69, M
Angry at what?
Harlow · 31-35, F
@caccoon Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth, or love you. Hopefully with time the anger, and loneliness lessens, and self respect, and worthiness, increase. 💙
caccoon · 36-40
@DunningKruger @Harlow thank you guys 💙

I know it will get better, it just always sucks how it feels for the weeks or months until it's better. But yeah I need to take care of myself to give myself better chances at recovering mentally
caccoon · 36-40
better x 3

WERDZ
GeistInTheMachine · 31-35, M
Embrace your anger.
caccoon · 36-40
@GeistInTheMachine when I do that I drink and am mean to people and myself so 😔
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i understand how you feel 🫂 i am sorry you are going through such a painful time where nothing helps.. one day, something will help and it will feel amazing.
caccoon · 36-40
@deathfairy it will, things will be good again soon
MonaReeves86 · 36-40, F
Why are you angry
caccoon · 36-40
@MonaReeves86 just the stupid ex shit, I can't stop thinking about how angry it makes me
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caccoon · 36-40
@LvChris addieeeee! She actually makes sleeptime soooo comfy and I always look forward to cuddling her since we're almost the same size 🤣

 
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