Do I have every right to be angry at my family for not standing up for me?

One time one of my cousins (let’s call her Val) screamed at me for being “lazy” and “unrealizable” for sitting around. We were all busy putting up stuff and helping this past week. We were all sitting down and resting. Val kept putting stuff away and she glared at us and said, “Why the hell am I the only still doing this. LAYLA GET YOUR FAT A** UP AND HELP ME! YOU ALWAYS HELP PEOPLE SO I EXPECT YOU TO GET YOU F*CKING LAZY ASS UP AND HELP ME!!!! RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!” Shoved me and walked off angrily. She got into my face. She only yelled at me and not my two other cousins and aunt. Then she said, “Your daddy is dead so this time he isn’t here to save you. He’s DEAD. Get used to it!” They were like, “DAMN!!” None of them stood up for me! They just say there and shrugged at me.
I got upset and said, “Why did you guys just sit there and let her yell at me like that.”
One of my three cousins said, “Why did YOU let Val talk to you like that? We thought you were going to say something but you didn’t. Everyone try to help you to get you to stand up for yourself but you refused to do it so you must LOVE being treated this way.”
My aunt said, “He’s right. You let it happen. That’s on YOU. You’re an adult woman. If you were a child that would’ve been different but you’re an ADULT. You shouldn’t have let that happen. That’s your fault.”
I just couldn’t believe what they said. I thought family helped each other out.
I’m so angry at them for letting it happen and Val never apologized for yelling at me. I still resent her and she’s close to my half sister’s age (37). My sister is 35.
My late dad would have cussed my cousin out for treating me that say.

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ProfessorPlum77 · 70-79, MVIP

Your cousins seem to pick on you pretty often. If I were you, I would stop hanging out with them. Or, report them to the authorities when they DO physically assault you, like the incident you mentioned above. If someone pushes you, as you described, call 911 and report it. They will arrest the person who has done that.

LaylaTheTallGirl · 22-25, F

@ProfessorPlum77 She didn’t shove me that hard. All so I wish that my family would stand up for me more. I don’t hang out around them anymore because I’m so sick and tired of them treating me like crap. Some of my cousins used to bully me when I was younger really bad.

ProfessorPlum77 · 70-79, MVIP

@LaylaTheTallGirl 1. if she pushed you at all, that is an assault.
2. COMPLETELY avoid your cousins until they start to treat you better.
3. Do not focus on your family "not standing up" for you. YOU have to stand up for yourself. Do it by avoiding them as much as possible and reporting them when they abuse you.

ElizabethBabe1994 · 26-30, F

These two answers have a point. Stay away from your horrible cousins. They’re very toxic. Also your cousin and aunt made great points. Why did YOU let your cousin “Val” talk to you that way? The point is YOU let it happen, that’s on you but it isn’t your fault you family is toxic. Why should your cousin and aunt stand up or speak up for you when you’re old enough to not let it happen? It isn’t their job to stand up for you. YOU need to do this for yourself and stop expecting people to defend for you when you refuse to stand up for yourself. Their reasons are valid and your expectations for then to stand up for you when you’re being disrespected is unreasonable. Yes family should be there for you but you need to stop being a wimp and fight back. You’re going too attracted horrible people that will use you and even worse kill you because you can’t protect yourself. Sounds very harsh but it’s the facts and as a young woman, you need to defend for yourself.

AmmieBell · 18-21, F

I agree with Professor Plum tbh. While I think the way they treat you is toxic and you should cut off contact with people who treat you like that, I also think that it's unreasonable for you to get angry at other people for not defending you when you refused to defend yourself. It doesn't make sense to expect more from them than you expect of yourself while also stating that you're just as much an adult as anyone else.

I don't think it's your fault that it happened. But I do think that it's your job to stand up for yourself and separate yourself from a situation and people if you know that they aren't treating you correctly. You can't depend on anyone else to do that.

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