I got convinced by a friend… to share a part of my story and offer for others to share theirs.
So here it goes…
Robin William’s death probably wasn’t a huge deal to many of ya. He was loved for his work (especially in film) and many were sad but it was a little different for me. I was at the time hospitalized and It was about three years before I finally got out. I had had a girlfriend there (you’re not supposed to but we were bad,) that had a full mental breakdown some months before and gotten shipped off to a more restrictive ward. I was alone, and still trying to work my program and get out. And I knew he suffered like me and his death was like a hammer to my face. I was really tore up. I ended up spiraling further out and started cutting myself again, and I had one group… where I flipped out on everybody screaming and got tranq’d. Woke up strapped to a bed and just cried for hours. I just wanted to die right there. I never felt so weak. I kept thinking that I can’t do this again. I’m not strong enough… and finally something inside me broke, and I said inside… I have to try. That was the true beginning of me really trying to get out of there. Before I had just wanted more freedom so I could fuck my girlfriend on the stairs… but this was real. I finally wanted out. I finally wanted out, and back into my life. So, I guess in a way I got Mr Williams to thank for me even being here. It broke me so far down that my desperation led to inspiration… and maybe a little bit of healing too. 🖤
This is very emotional for me. Please be kind. I’m trying to use this as a way to heal and feel free to share your own stories if able to. 🦋
PS I don’t really want to answer questions about any of my time there. I did that on a now closed thread a couple months ago and I’m not emotionally ready to do deal through that here today too. Be safe and be well. 🌸
Oh my. I'm glad you found a reason to want to get back to your life. Psych hospitals are some of the worst places... Robin Williams was an inspiration. His death was very sad and kind of speaks volumes about how some of the people who try the hardest to make others smile are the saddest and ones fighting the biggest of battles.
I had to chuckle when you said you had a girlfriend there and were bad. It sounds like something I would do. Haha.
@SW-User I’m always scared of going back. my issues are always here. just hope I can. 🖤
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SW-User
I'm so glad to you got out, and that it gave you hope, even tho it's so horrible to be in that situation 🥺 I feel like flipping out like that often, but something stops me, like I'm screaming inside, but on the outside I'm calm and people think I'm good^^ I'm glad you found a reason to stay 💖
💜❤️❤️ I love you for sharing this. I know,it could not have been easy. I was just talking last week about the risk of being up old trauma. Of course sometimes it finds up. He death hurt me as well as I too many that were devastated by it but I'm glad it was the catalyst that made you the sweet person you are today. Tragic as that was.
This is inspiring. Thank you for being brave to share a part of yourself with us. May you always remember your strength at that point in your light whenever you feel the light is burning low.
Thank you for your openness. That is not a world I know anything about. I am grateful to get a little window into what your life was like there so I will have some context when I meet others. Sending you love. I appreciate your presence in my life so much. ❤️
🤗🤗 I remember Steve Clark dying. He had everything I'd ever wanted, the band, the looks, the fame, the wealth, the black Les Paul, etc
When he died I thought to myself despite him having everything I want that I don't have I knew I'd most likely have drunk myself to death like him. I just changed jobs! 🤦🏼♂️ Took me another 13 years to finally get to that point you discovered that day and begin my journey out of the darkness.
You're brave and strong. You fought through all that to give yourself a chance at life, for that alone you're your own hero don't let anyone tell you otherwise <3
@JustGoneNow actually nothing It was a posting mistake so instead of wasting thoughts, seconds and electrons on words, I just put the 🤍 because you're going to be even more confused if
I was so angry when I found out. His doctor screwed up his diagnosis of him, and erroneously said he had Parkinson's, and no one did anything about it.
I wasn't as personally invested in his life, but he was always a part of mine. I watched Mork And Mindy as a child, and subsequently watched everything else he was in. I recognize the amount of pain he must have endured, but he brought so much joy to the world.
@LordShadowfire Yeah, people affect us in different ways. I’m a musician so usually artist’s deaths their affect me more. But both Williams and George Carlin were comics, that I resonated with and felt and extra kinship with My Williams. Some of it also was timing. It was one of the most challenging but also pivotal moments in my life. He was truly unique and incredible.
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