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Do you expect to be treated the way you deserve?

Usually, when someone treats me poorly, I quickly realize that it's not my fault, and they have a problem that has nothing to do with me. But for some reason, before I realize that, I all too often have this thought, What did I do to make them so upset? or What is it about me that makes them see me that way, or want to treat me that way? I almost always manage to dismiss those thoughts, the moment they come, but they still come.

Is it just me, or do other people have those thoughts too, when they're treated badly?

On the flip side, when someone is good to you, do you feel better about yourself, like you must have done something right, to deserve to be treated well?

Of course, we all (hopefully) realize that the way people treat us says a lot more about them than it says about us, but still, that seems to be the default expectation, at least for me. Am I the only one?
Coralmist · 41-45, F
It's my default to think well they must know more than me or be right about me (if treating me poorly/putting me in negative light).. It's the trauma I had as a child that says
' People know more than YOU. You are small and people don't want to hear you..' I'm finally LEARNING that is beyond false. No one is above another, NO one. I just have been believing toxic thoughts :( So now I'm starting to think, I treat ppl kindly, responsible, caring, help them..if they put me in a bad light, it's not ME...it's their 'story' of me and that is false.
TeresaRudolph71 · 51-55, F
@Coralmist It sounds like you've worked hard to retrain yourself and change your thinking. Good for you! I'm sorry to hear that you had those experiences and had that message drilled into you. I think I did too, though perhaps in different ways. But we're works in progress.
Coralmist · 41-45, F
@TeresaRudolph71 🌹👍
SW-User
I have a very bad habit of wondering what I did wrong if it's someone I've known a while. If it's a stranger, I'll be nice, but they treat me poorly, they get back what they give.
TeresaRudolph71 · 51-55, F
@SW-User I can relate to that, with people I've known (or think I've known) for a while. But yeah, why reward people for treating you badly?
SW-User
@TeresaRudolph71 exactly.
@SW-User I'm VERY much like this. If someone is rude to me, then I tend to fire back pretty quick and I'm a surprisingly good shot (verbally). I'm trying to not be so quick and to maybe "look the other way" sometimes, but lately my bullshit detector is set way sensitive and my reactions way harsh.
Peaches · F
I think we all wonder why someone is so mean and nasty towards us when it's undeserved. 😔
TeresaRudolph71 · 51-55, F
@Peaches I know I do for sure.
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TeresaRudolph71 · 51-55, F
@IAmJess Now that I agree with. I don't see myself as any more deserving of respect than the average person, but I think we should all be treated better. I think that just about everyone deserves to be treated better than they are treated. I also think that many people are probably treated unfairly because some people have blind spots, or perhaps a distorted perception of others. I think we all (or almost all) see things (and people) through a lens that is shaped by our past experiences, and our own beliefs and assumptions, many of which we probably aren't even conscious of. Because of this, many people are often judged unfairly. I try not to do this, but I suppose there's a chance that I still do without even realizing it.
@TeresaRudolph71 I think I've been especially guilty of that, but I'm trying to change that side of me.
TeresaRudolph71 · 51-55, F
@IAmJess It's good that you're aware of it. Awareness is the first step. I'm working on self-awareness myself.
walabby · M
These sort of feelings depends on one's self confidence levels. I know people so arrogant and confident that NOTHING could ever be their own fault...
TeresaRudolph71 · 51-55, F
@walabby True. Narcissists never think anything is their fault. If someone else is upset with them, that person is always the problem, and they always see themselves as innocent victims. I've known a few people like that, and they're impossible to reason with.

I know that I've made mistakes, some of which have made people angry. So I admit that some of the problems I've had with other people have been my fault. But I think there have been a lot more times when I've been treated unfairly. Actually, it was the narcissists I mentioned whom I usually had trouble with.
walabby · M
@TeresaRudolph71 Narcissists with power are particularly difficult to deal with. Especially orange ones.. :D XD
Peaches · F
@walabby LOL! 😁
Interesting. But on some level, the way the world treats us has to be a reaction to how we treat the world. No?

I'm working on my behavior and trying not to be such a judgy bitch in school. I know that the way some people treat me has to be a result of the way I've treated them in the past.

I think there's some truth to what you say, but there's also some truth to the opposite. Like reality is in the middle somewhere.
TeresaRudolph71 · 51-55, F
@IAmJess I think sometimes this is the case. Sometimes I do get back what I give, though not always. The trick is knowing when people are reacting to the way I treat them, or to the image that I present to them, and when they are perhaps reacting to an image they have of me that bears little if any resemblance to who I am. This can be very tricky, at times, as sometimes I see what I want to see, and sometimes others see what they want to see also. Is it really me that they are reacting to, or just something they're seeing that really isn't me at all? 🤔
"...or to the image that I present to them..."
This, I think, is my problem.
okaybut · 56-60, M
Not at all. I don't factor it in much. I just react well to those who do...ignore the others. :)
TeresaRudolph71 · 51-55, F
@okaybut That sounds like a good way to handle things.
Myself11 · 61-69, M
I expect people to treat me like I treat them with respect
Myself11 · 61-69, M
@TeresaRudolph71 some people are rude with no common sense
TeresaRudolph71 · 51-55, F
@Myself11 Yes, and some people are conniving and will be nice to you until they no longer have any use for you, and will then throw you away like so much garbage.
Myself11 · 61-69, M
@TeresaRudolph71 so very true I been there before
JohnnySpot · 56-60, M
A complex question that I can only begin to answer.
JohnnySpot · 56-60, M
Desire brought to light on the rays of perception.
TeresaRudolph71 · 51-55, F
@JohnnySpot Wow, that's deep, and quite true. I suppose I do tend to see what I want to see.
JohnnySpot · 56-60, M
Jacob holds the ladder and you must ring the bell.
Gr8Guy1979 · 41-45, M
That's a tough question good question tho....I have wonder the samething
SW-User
Yes, but it's important to notice and be ready to be disappointed.
Zonuss · 46-50, M
Welcome back.
TeresaRudolph71 · 51-55, F
@Zonuss I guess I was a little quiet for a while there.

 
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