"We need brotherhoods and sisterhoods in our community. We need to care for each other more"

I think it is interesting how my first reaction towards those sentences was fear.

I immediately backed away and thought of protecting myself ..sisterhoods, brotherhoods? Even your own blood can poison you here.

There are things that will likely be buried with me if I were to die among you. Things I dreamed about and longed for. And things that broke my heart to a dozen pieces.

Sometimes, I come close to saying the words out loud, thinking someone else should hear them, hoping they might hold more than just the echo of my own mind.

But who knows?

Maybe those echoes are the best-case scenario.
As isolating as they sound, they might be the gentlest outcome I can hope for. A soft and willingful abandonment as opposed to a betrayal I already survived more than a decade ago and must experience again.

Society is not for me.

It hurts less to be needed by the selfish; those who only know how to take, than to be the one who needs, the one who wants.. and it hurts even more to harm yourself and others with your selfishness.

And there is selfishness in everything. Even in only relying on being needed and never reaching out to be loved or saved.

Top | New | Old

Madmonk · M Best Comment

Yeah. I identify with every you said here. We do need each other more. Though. I think you live inside your own heart. That can be a big place. It can also be a place of refuge. Your fortress of solitude. Your oasis. Your prison. I know because I’m there

SinlessOnslaught · M

@Madmonk My heart goes out to both of you.

TinyViolins · 31-35, M

The odd thing about a traumatic past is that it instills within us this fundamental notion that we must never feel weak again.

We learn to never need or depend on someone else, to isolate our innermost thoughts and feelings from judgement, to shield ourselves from rejection. It warps our boundaries into security systems that prevent anyone from accessing the most authentic version of ourselves.

When you wear this armor long enough, you eventually stop noticing the weight. It can then be difficult to truly empathize with others struggling with their own burdens when you're accustomed to carrying so much more.

Idk how much of that relates to your own experiences, but it's one of my existential predicaments at the moment. Like am I just going to go the rest of my life without any close connections because I genuinely don't want or need them, or is it because I'm too jaded by my past to let myself be truly unafraid?

Miram · 31-35, F

@TinyViolins

It can then be difficult to truly empathize with others struggling with their own burdens when you're accustomed to carrying so much more.

It is.

And a lot would assume you carry less than they do.

Especially when their thoughts are nothing but black and white switches and fixed roles...or when suffering is a whole identity. And they think you aren't suffering enough. If you show your contentment, you are targeted.

I will be direct enough to say I have had to deal from Western women more than anyone else.

I do fail to empathize. I will probably always fail to empathize.

When you see so much shit, not necessarily the shit you went through yourself, elsewhere in the world, some people start sounding like fuktards who get themselves fuked over to then have something to blame for their unhappiness.

Particularly those who think that romance is the ultimate life purpose and they should be loved.

And yes, that is pretty toxic stance of mine. I try to be understanding and work around that bias because ultimately I am only seeing a tiny part of their reality and I do the exact same thing they do towards me.

As to most women of my own ethnicity, I don't even want to bother. Maybe one day things will be different.

Your interpretation of what I said is on point. You're not far away from what I meant while writing the original thread. I wish I had the answers people needed.

TinyViolins · 31-35, M

@Miram Agreed. If there's one thing that is sorely lacking in this world, it's perspective. I understand that complaining can be a social bonding exercise for certain people, but when taking their words into context, it's impossible to take seriously.

These days I just hold my tongue like I would never get it back if I were to let go. Perhaps it's for the best. Like you, I also don't have much patience for bruised egos. It's just a shame because it's difficult to be honest when people are so desperate for validation.

The romance thing is tricky for me because I'm in a relationship with someone who wants it far, far more than I do. I'm learning that it's better to compromise for the kinds of people who add value to your life, even if I don't really empathize with them.

I'd rather make an effort for the right person than to willfully disappoint them for the sake of my cynicism. I suppose the ultimate lesson here is that people will be in each other's lives if they both genuinely want to be. Forcing connections to exist will just suck for everyone in the long run.

Silemhaff · 31-35, M

I think there is no need to overcomplicate life..
Balance is always needed; and most of all we need to be selective just all, while doing things in moderation.
I understand that the need for emotional safety is important and legitimate, but at the same time that shouldn't be a reason for too much loneliness, or cutting the self from people.
You never get it wrong when you connect to your likeminded people, those who share the mindset, emotional style, purpose, and values-> i didn't say brothers-in-blood here or smthg, but people that can just connect smoothly and empower each other.
And if you look around here and there, these people exist.. Just don't trust too early and let things build over time. There is no need to fear people, if things are done the right well and withing boundaries.

SinlessOnslaught · M

I wonder who said this to whom but I do understand that you're talking about making sacrifices, as detached or minimal as that may make it sound. And I do understand that you're one to make sacrifices for your loved ones.

The problem I have with this world is that all I can do is watch while people like you continue to make sacrifices that nobody will understand or even acknowledge.

All I can do is write words here and hope that they have some sort of miracle, ripple effect somewhere down the line.

Lol.

I hope that someday, somebody cares enough to read about you and others whose story history will try to treat as kindling for some sort of expansionist ideology.

Miram · 31-35, F

@SinlessOnslaught Don't embrace helplessness and underestimate your impact and how much you mean to me. I know I suck at expressing feelings but I do love you and you do help me and others plenty.

Be good to you

SinlessOnslaught · M

@Miram I love you too.

tenente · 36-40, M

agree. that blanket statement sets me on edge. carrying for the vulnerable and those in need is in my DNA, but that doesn't mean I protect everyone unconditionally. maybe i'm too cynical.

alan20 · M

One can only be hurt to the soul once. After that it's if not pretence, superficial. One's essential personality changes and not for the better. No longer idealistic but comparatively cynical. Possibly inevitably as a self-defence mechanism.

SatyrService · M

we are all brothers and sisters.
a tleast that iis how I treat people

Add a comment...