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I should of seen it coming

The last 48 hours have been rough for me.
The antibiotics have not been helping me and I have not been feeling good.

Joel, our rock as always steps up. He takes care of me, he takes me to the ER. He's there for everything.

So when he gets home from work, he takes his shower like normal, but doesn't come out of our room.

I hear our oldest boy call out Daddy, Papa is on the floor and he's not doing good.

I should of seen this.

I go into our bathroom and he's having a panic attack. His are so different from mine. Mine are in the moment they are intense. I do a lot of pacing and I need a lot of talking and coaching to calm me down.

His are nothing like that, his are after the moment has passed. It's like once he knows everything is okay he gets overwhelmed by some feeling and he has a panic attack. He shuts down, collapses to the floor and stops breathing. They scare me so much. Because he stops breathing.

This one was bad. It lasted longer than any other he's had. He wouldn't breathe. I had to get really loud with him to get him to breathe. It took him a while to recover. Thank goodness my buddy was there to help with the kids. Once he seemed to come I gave him a bottle of water and one of my anxiety pills.

I hate this. This happened because he was worried about me. I shouldn't cause him to have a panic attack. Because I was in the ER all day.

I shouldn't cause him this much step.

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Poppies · 61-69, F

You couldn't help needing to go to the ER! It wasn't your fault that the infection wasn't responding to the antibiotics! You have been to the hospital for others in the family. You all do your best to try to get along, and you support each other when necessary.

I'm sending good thoughts your way, for the antibiotics to help you, for that to help Joel.

Cigarguy · 41-45, M

@Poppies I know but I just hate seeing him like this because of me. This attack was so much worse than any he's ever had. I was really afraid he was going to pass out because he just would not breathe. I shouldn't be the one to cause him to feel this way

Poppies · 61-69, F

@Cigarguy He cares about you, so sometimes he will worry. And you worry bout him. That's just going to happen. I hope you can get some sleep. Breathe deep.

Cigarguy · 41-45, M

@Poppies he slept good I was up all night.

Mamapolo2016 · F

I felt much the same about bothering my daughter to drive me to Dr. appts and testing. She too has a lot going on.

SHE said, “Mom, you have to let me love you.”

And I think she was right.

Concern and worry are part of any relationship, and sometimes you just have to let him love you.

Cigarguy · 41-45, M

@Mamapolo2016 that is very true. Thank you

HootyTheNightOwl · 41-45

Yeah, you are sick... but it's not your fault that you are sick and that the medicine that you was given isn't helping you.

You can't blame yourself for things that are beyond your control or the way it affects Joel.

You wouldn't tolerate Joel saying that he hates it because he had a panic attack when your attention should have been on recovering and getting better from your sickness - so targeting the same thing towards yourself shouldn't be tolerated, either.

You did everything that you could when you found out that it was happening and that's all you can really do. You managed to get him to breathe again before he passed out - and he had the good sense to put himself on the ground.

It wasn't YOU that caused the stress for Joel, it is the situation that caused Joel to feel stressed... and you can't avoid ever getting sick again, it's not some pot hole in the road that you can drive around.

View 5 more replies »

HootyTheNightOwl · 41-45

@Cigarguy Real life is not a game of The Sims 4, things can and will go wrong. You getting sick isn't a failure, it's a challenge and how you respond to this challenge is the part that matters. Obviously, you can't rage quit and quit the game to get rid of it... so you did the only other thing you could. You sat there on the ground with your man and you talked him through the panic attack in the way that he needed.

Your presence would have reassured and helped him because there's not a lot worse than being alone and going through that.

There's nothing "better" or "different" you could have done in the situation you were placed in. You obviously sat with your man and established how you can help him when this happens - then, when the time came, you put your plan into action and was able to guide him through what was a scary time for you and him both.

It's real life, not some book you're writing where your choice of words can change the entire plot of the character's lives... and there are no fanfics of real life, either. You being sick was likely the trigger for it, but you're not responsible for getting sick or the fact that it happened. It's not like you went out and said "Hey, if you're sick, share your germs with me, I want to be sick, too".

Cigarguy · 41-45, M

@HootyTheNightOwl I am working on this in therapy now. In fact my therapist wants to see me twice a week now because he thinks I need it

HootyTheNightOwl · 41-45

@Cigarguy That's good news... hopefully your therapist will be able to help you with it. Maybe the more intensive support will help, too.

4meAndyou · F

As usual, you are blaming yourself when your going to the ER was because Joel MADE you go. AND he MADE you go because you were really THAT sick. You DID need to go!

Now, I have told you this before, but it is worth repeating. If Joel passes out, that is the absolute best thing for him.

Passing out during a panic attack is NOT to be feared.

IF a person having a panic attack passes out, their BODY takes over and it re-sets back to normal breathing mode.

So when Joel can't breathe, YOU should never panic. The absolute best thing that could happen is him passing out.

View 9 more replies »

4meAndyou · F

@Cigarguy Yup. But Joel can't train you. HE needs to pose as the CPR dummy, so that it is all very realistic, and you need a medically trained CPR professional to show you what to do when Joel isn't breathing.

Cigarguy · 41-45, M

@4meAndyou it wouldn't be a bad idea to get a class since we have a medically fragile son too.

4meAndyou · F

@Cigarguy Yup. And Star needs to learn it, too.

YoMomma ·

You didn't cause it, you cant help how you are.. it’s a good thing you have each other to understand and care for each other..

Cigarguy · 41-45, M

@YoMomma I know I just hate it when it happens to him.

YoMomma ·

@Cigarguy ay 😬

Barefooter25 · 46-50, M

Is Joel ok? Maybe you should take him to the ER just to make sure. If anything, call his ex since she's in the medical field.

Cigarguy · 41-45, M

@Barefooter25 he is ok, he just had a panic attack. He's had them before

BuzzedLightyear · 61-69, M

dude, I've never seen someone go from one crisis to another on a daily basis

Cigarguy · 41-45, M

@BuzzedLightyear I have 2 special needs children and I have many health issues myself. So yeah we have a lot going on.

PinkMoon · 26-30, F

If his panic attack is your fault then so is 9/11.

Cigarguy · 41-45, M

@PinkMoon thank you

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