I should of seen it coming

The last 48 hours have been rough for me.
The antibiotics have not been helping me and I have not been feeling good.

Joel, our rock as always steps up. He takes care of me, he takes me to the ER. He's there for everything.

So when he gets home from work, he takes his shower like normal, but doesn't come out of our room.

I hear our oldest boy call out Daddy, Papa is on the floor and he's not doing good.

I should of seen this.

I go into our bathroom and he's having a panic attack. His are so different from mine. Mine are in the moment they are intense. I do a lot of pacing and I need a lot of talking and coaching to calm me down.

His are nothing like that, his are after the moment has passed. It's like once he knows everything is okay he gets overwhelmed by some feeling and he has a panic attack. He shuts down, collapses to the floor and stops breathing. They scare me so much. Because he stops breathing.

This one was bad. It lasted longer than any other he's had. He wouldn't breathe. I had to get really loud with him to get him to breathe. It took him a while to recover. Thank goodness my buddy was there to help with the kids. Once he seemed to come I gave him a bottle of water and one of my anxiety pills.

I hate this. This happened because he was worried about me. I shouldn't cause him to have a panic attack. Because I was in the ER all day.

I shouldn't cause him this much step.