He's not gone forever, he just had to leave a little early. One concept that can help is either those who have passed can see us in life so we should try out best to ensure they have a good show, OR they can't see us, so its better to try and remember and honor them in our own ways. That way when we see them again we can catch them up on what they missed. Their favorite bands had a reunion tour, their f avorite shows final episode, how their childhood friend got sober after they left. We're all an amalgamation formed from fragments of life, and when they pass we become stewards of the pieces they leave behind. And in turn those pieces become part of us that we will leave another person.
You know how some people will have get togethers for organ recipient's that their l8ved one helped? Its the same thing here. There are pieces of him everywhere....its just that the tears of grief can make it hard to focus on that. Which is ok. Whatever you believe about people....we've had at a minimum somewhere around 2000 years and we havent figured out a cure for grief. (I doubt its like cellphones and we just lack the technology) you're not doing it wrong. Every grief, sorrow and mourning is as unique as the individual we lost.
Its like a broken bone, were not going to heal back just as good, the damage happened, its a scar, its not bad its not ugly its a badge saying we loved someone incredibly hard. And in time (which will feel like forever) that bone will heal. You may walk with a bit of a limp, might cry when certain songs come on the radio but those traits will become part of you. And they are ok. Wear them with pride.
Grief can take seemingly forever. Especially if you lose someone who was a major part of your life. It's sad, but you have to build a new life, not around grief, around moving forward without them.
I am so full of grief I don't ever expect to be over it, but I move on and give myself fresh starts often because of how loss has drug me down.
I'm sorry it is SO hard, but keep talking, keep feeling and eventually it grows easier little by little into one day it's not as bad.
I would think your husband would want you to find some measure of contentment, and that while you would remember him with love, but continue on with your life.
Abba as we come before you in prayer, for the one known as Arrow17. We bind the Spirit of Heaviness according to Matthew 18:18 and Loose the Garment of Praise Oil of Joy and Comfort. We choose to uproot every root from our lives and plant the seeds of the Word that keeps us free. In Jesus's mighty name we pray Amen
Maybe it would help to take up an activity where you will meet other people, a job or volunteering if you're not already working. For me I find I don't dwell as much if I am busy.
