We did a 180 tonight

So we got the car packed. Boys took their baths. Sensory bag packed. Got the cooler ready for tomorrow and everything cleaned up. Everything is ready for the boys to bed and Sissy was reading a box

I asked Joel if he wanted a drink and a cigar.

He didn't answer

I've seen this happen 2 times before. He was having a panic attack. The first one was when our oldest boy came home from the hospital. The second one was when I got home from the hospital.

His are different than mine. I need someone to talk me through them. Keep me talking. Not him. I help him sit down in the ground. I take his hand and the only thing I say to him is breath. He gets quite, tense and he stops breathing during these. I just keep telling him to breathe. It takes him a while to calm down, to regroup and get his breathing normal.

He was been out rock this whole trip. The calm to my crazy. Helping keeping everything on schedule. Everyone happy. Everyone safe. And now that the trip is almost over and it was prefect I really think it hit him. All that pressure he was feeling. And now it's my turn. My turn to help him. Be his rock. Be his calm. 180

Once he was calm I gave him a anxiety pill and we had a drink and a cigar.