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Forgiveness is hard.

I swear. This is absolute truth that is inside me right now.

Last year i bullied and belittled at work by my boss and her bestie. It got to a point where i had to get out. They were targeting me. Every mistake was being blown way out of proportion. I still work at the same compony and tomorrow they might need my help. I will need to be professional. But heaven help me if I have to hear their voices tomorrow. I still have nightmares about what they did to me. It was completely emotionally abusive work place. Toxic to the point of suffocation.

And right now all i can think is the endless amount of damage i can do by just not answering the phone. But like i said i need to be professional and my upward mobility might be on the line.

Anyone got thoughts?
Starcrossed · 41-45, F
You never owe someone forgiveness except yourself for holding poor boundaries with toxic people. You now know the depths at which their toxicity is capable so you now know to set and maintain strong boundaries with them in future workplace engagements.
jehova · 31-35, M
Did u document these things? Take them to hr. Thats probably best.
Don’t let them turn you into a sort of person you don’t want to be. The ugliness in their hearts infect enough others who have the misfortune of still working with them regularly.
I’m sorry you went through that, and I hope you won’t have any trouble from them or anyone else tomorrow. 🙏
SW-User
Do the bare minimum that won’t get you in trouble. Avoid if you can afford it. Don’t risk your livelihood because of your emotions. Yeah, people can be pure trashes sometimes. You have to look out for yourself first.

It’s best to keep your emotions out of it, but at the same time try to avoid them when you can without harming your employment.

Btw, you don’t have to forgive them. You can choose to forget what they did to you in the present moment. Though, that doesn’t necessarily mean they can be friends ever. Forget, but don’t forgive.
@SW-User Fastest way to get fired if they're nitpicking everything.
SW-User
@NativePortlander1970 true! Maintaining professionalism is so important to protect oneself. Keep emotions out and report to superiors when something is out of pocket.

I’ve been wronged once and cussed the person out. Of course, I got the short end of the deal.
ihurtmychin · 26-30, M
speak your mind ! highlight the events that lead to a mistake , give details about what happened so they better understand the situation
whowasthatmaskedman · 70-79, M
Forgiveness has levels. The first level, you forgive enough not to exact revenge. Be it a punch in the mouth or slashing their tires. The next level you will speak civilly to them, or associate with them. These levels are practical for social purposes and to avoid wasting effort..
Beyond that requires you allow the person access to yourself and let your guard down. And thats a whole new ball game..
My experience has been that those I might wish to take revenge on often do the job themselves if given a little time.. And I keep my guard up until that happens..😷
zentic · 26-30, M
I think you should prioritize your upward mobility rather than revenge.
4meAndyou · F
Does your company have an HR department? If it does, then you need to very secretly and carefully make recordings of your boss and her bestie verbally abusing you, and take it to HR. On your lunch break, so they won't twig to your absence.

And then, update your resume, and send it out EVERYWHERE.
Alorajade · 36-40, F
@4meAndyou at the end of the day they broke me to the point where i was afraid that if i took them to hr theyd prove me incompetent. Like i deserved their abuse. So i just quit and went to another depart.

I have to say today i was professional and help them and only lost my composure once.
4meAndyou · F
@Alorajade The problem is, they will continue to find new victims.
Alorajade · 36-40, F
@4meAndyou i am working on a case. But they had issues with me cause the lady wanted her friend to have my job. Because there is no proof other than their behavior and now the bullying stopped. If will look like i was the problem child. Important enough ppl know what they did. Theyre movement is limited and be the end of the year everything will back fire on them.
GeistInTheMachine · 31-35, M
I can relate to this. I am sorry.
ABCDEF7 · M
Forgetting is more important than forgiving. As it is for you..



At work place you surely need to be professional, even if you are working with your spouse. Outside the work place, you are free to do how you treat the different relationship with various people.
You owe nothing to them. Keep it a professional mindset and do what’s needed to get through it. Avoidance is tough still working there I’m sure.
Keep your boundaries and keep it professional. I extremely feel you on this as I was bullied at my new job too while I didn’t do anything.

I am so sorry. 😔
Record everything get a lawyer
SW-User
That must be hurtful. Rising above petty behaviour… taking the higher road will always be harder … mentally tougher than taking the path of least resistance

But in time you will come out stronger for it

And in the end you will have them to thank for it.

Keep patient… keep going

This too shall pass.
Talk to the HR manager, that's their job to prevent work place hostility.

 
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