Anxious
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Idk what to do

Im on the verge of a heartattack I feel like im going crazy...

Less than 5 days from an overseas trip anticipated for 9 mths with my long distance gf of a year and a bit... and we're fighting over the fact that I dont want to give her direct access to my main bank account from where I get paid and pay my bills.

I share my money with her through a different card but it got deactivated through a mishap. FYI no she did not use that card much in the past, just occassional take out but Im soooo not comfy with giving my main card deets. I know she wouldnt abuse my trust should I let her but I flat out dont want to give that card and would prefer a proxy method (an inbetween card/account) but shes not having it because its an action of distrust.....
NewRaven · 51-55, F
It’s not an action of distrust, it’s an act of protection. My live in bf of over 6 years doesn’t have action to my primary account either. It’s the account that all the bills and auto drafts come out of. Very tightly managed and I keep it lean with just the amount to pay those bills. I don’t need any overdrafts happening because someone else bought a coffee lol
@NewRaven this is exactly how Ive been looking to put it (i dont think Im good with words) but even then its hard to get her to understand so im nervous.

1 year of dramas on-off and we're finally about to see each other for a second time but now this feels like its just ruined it all.
A year into the relationship is still testing the waters, especially if it hasn’t all been face to face. I’m curious at what point she got access to any of your money, and how that came about. Would you mind sharing?

I think you’re absolutely correct NOT to give her access to your main account. I can understand if you wanted to help her out time to time, cash isn’t exactly an option long distance…but she definitely has not earned access to more. You are not married and you are not responsible for her finances at this point. It’s ok if you want to help, but don’t fall victim to being taken advantage of.
Jenny1234 · 51-55, F
Wait. What? Wtf? She shouldn’t even ever ask you for that! Not ever! That’s not a real girlfriend trust me. You are being scammed
Matt85 · 36-40, M
Are you sure the whole relationship is not part of some elaborate scam?
@Matt85 yes because its not the first time ill be seeing her. Ive seen her fam, visited her home country.
@Samael Home country? That's a red flag into itself, no access.
romell · 51-55, M
Don't be a fool be practical..trust is not few I love you's but way more...
AntisocialTroll · 56-60, F
Why does she need access to your money? I don't understand.
Are you guys married ?

Then no. She doesn't have that right to use emotional blackmail to force you to make a financial commitment that is usually reserved for when other commitments are officially made.

And even in saying that many modem couples still use separate accounts and have a third joint one.

You're going to see her. Isn't that what being a couple is all about? Being together ?
SW-User
Sounds scammy
revenant · F
Long distance uh ? please please do not give your card details.

Please do not take the risk of getting scammed. Anyone decent would never ask anyone else for money like that.
@revenant Excellent advice!!
Samael - RUN!

If she's not a scammer, she's controlling. One way or the other it will not end well.

Cut your losses and RUN!
SW-User
Holy shit. It's a fucking trap. Why the fuck are you funding her lifestyle from a distance?
My husband and I were married for 5 years before we got a joint account. Trust your gut
Fluffybull · F
If you don't trust her then you shouldn't be with her 🤷
Shaveit · 61-69, M
@Fluffybull Trust MUST be earned. Not at the cost of someone else’s bank account.
Amylynne · 26-30, F
just hand her a stack of cash,, and say tell me when that is gone
nedkelly · 61-69, M
FFS, long distance scam artist.
Shaveit · 61-69, M
No one gets my bank info
originnone · 61-69, M
Unfortunately, your situation impacts her. So she has to wait until you can set up another account with no more money in it than you're willing to lose and never see again....
No. Even my husband doesnt have that access.
CrazyMusicLover · 31-35
Long distance?! Absolutely fucking don't do that, sorry.
Elessar · 26-30, M
@CrazyMusicLover Heck not even short distance. I know of people who went back to living with their parents for less
CrazyMusicLover · 31-35
@Elessar Yup. It takes a lot of audacity to ask someone for something like that. But someone you don't even go through daily life situations with...that's out of the question.

 
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