walk my path alone

@LadyGrace nowadays it's like everybody is trying to sell you something, I don't mean neighbors but it's constant advertising, it's exhausting and doesn't invite engagement. It's rare I've had conversations that are devoid of interest, and... You have to be careful, I won't share stuff I've been through I open the news and see the same and millions having it worse, but it doesn't just happen to others. That and technology disconnecting make a strange mix.

@TheSmearedPen So true. But I was just only telling you that for one reason and that was to let you see that sometimes we think we want stuff and we don't or we get things mixed up. I enjoy being with my own company. I make a habit not to watch violent things or political things or sad things on YouTube. I'll watch the funny animal videos or documentaries about how to build a cabin and stuff I really enjoy. Or I'll watch a very feel good movie. Or I'll watch just anything that will make me laugh. I enjoy very much the stories of personal victories. Those always lift one up. Or I will watch an old game show that me and my dad used to watch and I love doing that. Game shows where there's challenges or things on crafts or hobbies that I like. Just good stuff. What we fill our mind with affects us directly. It's not healthy to watch things that upset you. I don't entertain that junk. Sometimes I watch sports as well and that's fun.

Well time for me to get off this tablet and rest haha. I'm so tired. It's been a very long day and I'm whipped. I hope you have a great night. Get a good night's sleep okay? I'll be here if you want to talk tomorrow. Hugs

@LadyGrace of course. Thank you so much 🙏

@TheSmearedPen what makes us anxious is when we look too far in the future. So we have to just concentrate on making the day at hand, count. Find something in the day that you like to do. Have you ever tried your hand it painting? I bet you have a lot of talents that you're not even using or maybe you're not even aware of. Painting just doesn't have to be perfect. You could try it out and see how much fun it is. You don't have to be real good at it, just have fun. Or do some writing. That's always therapeutic. Or get yourself a guitar and learn how to play it. I bet a lot of people need you that you don't even realize. I bet there's an old lady or an old man in the nursing home that would give anything to have a visit from you to cheer them up and that would give you a real blessing as well. Or even helping out a neighbor and that's a good way to make friends. Or, if you want to get really crazy, take everything out of your room and paint the walls a crazy color hahaha and redecorate your bedroom from things at the thrift store. That is always fun! You can find some really cool things at the thrift store or salvation army.

@LadyGrace honey, I'm a terrible painter really, I do write yeah pretty average though. I used to listen to people like you're doing now and it's odd when it's the other way around. So I thank you for your time,

@TheSmearedPen My pleasure. I'm not a very good painter either but I try. It is hard when you don't know what you're doing hahaha you sound like a really really nice person. I hate that people have abused the privilege of your friendship. And as far as wise, hahaha that is a laugh hahaha. At my age honey, I'm not wiser. I've just had more experiences since I'm older. That's all that is. When you know better, you do better. I still make lots of mistakes. But I try to do better every day. Even if it's just one thing. We never stop learning, that's for sure. And it's okay to make mistakes. That's only way we can learn. Mistakes are not a bad thing. They're not there to hurt us at all. They're only there to help us see where we need to make improvements so our life can be better and happier.

@TheSmearedPen oh I tell you it was literally a lifesaver for me, the B12 supplement. Boy was I in a bad way and I like to never find my way out but I did a lot of praying and then I took the supplement and I was good to go. It wasn't easy by any means. But I just took it a day at a time. I would make myself do just one thing a day that would make me feel like I accomplished something because all the rest of the time and I mean all the rest of the time, all I could do during the state of depression, was sit in my living room recliner. I felt like I was glued to that chair and couldn't move for a whole year and 2 months. All because someone hurt me terribly. I realized that and I realized that it was not the person I was mourning over, at all. It was what I mistakenly THOUGHT he was, that got me. The lying. It wasn't necessary. I'm the type of person if this guy had said I don't love you then I would have said okay. Nothing personal. People just have different preferences and we could have just been friends or he could have gone his way, but no, he didn't have to lie to me about it. It was not like the end of the world if he didn't love me haha. But it was the fact that he made me believe that he was so deeply in love with me by the words he said and they were some very deep sentiments. But oh well. I realized what all he did but it still took my heart a long time to heal from the hurt but those are two separate things. I found that I wasn't grieving over him but over what I thought I had and that was only because he was such a good liar. So after a year and 2 months of healing from all of the hurt, I said enough! I had to find a way to make this depression leave and so I tried the B12 and of course like I said I was praying all that time but it takes time to heal. It doesn't happen overnight, so I started taking that B12 after I ask the Lord what to do, and that really really was a miracle for me. A real Turning Point. And it was not easy by any means forcing myself to do one good thing each day but I did and it built up my self-esteem and self-worth. It was worth it. So then I would see him everywhere I went. Not intentionally by any means, but the guy happens to live in my building where I rent so that was not good but then when I did, it didn't even phase me because everyone has the right to love who they want to and love should never be forced and so I would say hi how you doing and all that stuff and was nice to him, but I never allowed him back in my life again. Not even if he had wanted to. We can forgive people but that doesn't mean we have to hang with them if they do nothing but hurt us and harm us and never encourage us, and that's okay. We always find a way

@LadyGrace I'm sorry you went through so much and it sounds super complicated to live in the same building, you are a better person I could be, forgiving isn't that easy for me. Hard to trust after something like that. But you made it, I'm glad you did. I agree forcing a relationship is a bad idea. Let them go but then that's it, it's not a station hall.

@TheSmearedPen it's okay. I learned a lot. Forgiving is really not for the other person although it's a good thing to forgive people. It's really for us so that we don't hold anger and hurt in our hearts because that makes our bodies sick and can even cause cancer. Gee that was a jolly statement was'nt it? hahaha. Like I said, when you know better, you do better. And tomorrow is always another day we can start over. It's all and how we take it. It's not what we lose in life but what we do with what we have left and I refuse to give in to anything in my past that would try to hurt me.

@LadyGrace thanks, been busy, hope you're well 👋

*to not have people to please

@TheSmearedPen the only thing I expect out of life is success for myself. Because I'm not giving up on myself for anybody but as far as being here to please others unless they go out of their way to please me why should I return the favor

@TheSmearedPen Yep!! Don't worry about other people and it gets easier and more fun. Just enjoy your day and get through one day without looking ahead and when you get through that day you can go on to the next but do something that you really enjoy in life. I really like your profile name. Let's hear you write something. Go ahead.

@twistedrope losing faith isn't the same as hating. You're probably right but we're not all at the same level of healing and it goes back and forth. I'm doing the hobby thing as it is now and see how it works out.

@mainvane right?

@Justafantasy exactly what I did back at them but they don't like it so much, so better off.

@ThreeLittleBirds thank you 🙏