Unless the person specifically tells you their pronouns, you call them what you deem appropriate. Most individuals will let you know how they want to be addressed upfront.

Just my opinion, but I think the whole pronoun thing is crazy. I don't care what people do in their lives. Make yourself happy I say. Choose any lifestyle you want, as long as it doesn't impede on mine. But the thought I could offend someone based on using the wrong pronoun is wacky. You've proven my point. If you couldn't tell what the appropriate pronoun is, how on earth could I? You certainly appear to be more in tuned with this situation than I am.

I give up. Society is a mess.

I’m with you on this. What if Jer doesn’t use they/them pronouns and goes male pronouns? Then your friend Kerri’s assumption is pointless and Jer might even take offense to her thinking he make and female characteristics. Even if he does use so-called neutral pronouns, all he needs to do is politely inform you of his pronouns, if it bothers him that much. From my experience, though, most who prefer they/them pronouns never make a big deal of others who “assign” pronouns to them and it’s more of a self-identity thing that they expect only from their circle of friends.

I honestly don't believe we should project upon others what we assume. We should either ask, or just use ordinary pronouns until something is mentioned by the individual.
I belive this whole pronoun thing is reserved only for the most sensitive individuals, and I say that very respectfully.
Just like the old days when we used to refer to "gay men" as "she," but now we know that not all gay men, if any, want to be women, they just like men.
So either way, a guy like me, having been on both sides of the fence on this one, is damned if I do and damned if I don't.
Either way we can end up the bad guy.

As has been said elsewhere, "they" has commonly been used as a neutral singular pronoun where the gender of the subject is unknown . . or irrelevant. So it was a neat and acceptable form of speech long before certain people began to over-think things 🙂

Kerri and Jerry . . 🤣 . . sorry, couldn't help myself 🤣

But you just did too!

🏃🏻‍♂

Why does the use of they cause so many people such difficulty? It has been used as a gender neutral singular pronoun for four centuries in English, why is it suddenly so contentious?

But I agree that having both ears pierced is certainly not an infallible sign of femininity. I have relatives who have both ears pierced and who are quite definitely not fem (nor gay as far as I know). The kind of earrings might have been a bit more telling.

Does this matter because you discuss this person often and think that they might find out how you referred to them? If so why not just ask them if they have an opinion on the matter?

If you are corresponding with someone or talking to them you don't use they anyway no more than you use he or she.

Ear piercing doesn't make a person feminine. It is sort of fashion for some.

In Hinduism ear piercing is equally recommended for males and females, but in modern times, this ritual known as karnavedha(ear piercing) has become an uncommon practice amongst males.

https://www.mysunar.com/blog/post/the-cultural-significance-of-childhood-piercings-around-india

You are the correct one. Assuming with get her in trouble.

I think that Jer is fine with Jer. Just agree with Kerri, and when you address Jer call him Jer. Regardless of whatever awful pronoun she comes up with.

I use "they" if I'm not sure of, or can't remember someone's preferences.

100% with you on this. If Jerry wants you to use different pronouns, he will say so. Until then, make no assumptions and be the good friend you've always been.

I'd never assume. I only use they when someone has explicitly said that's what they expect.

I’m going to guess that he went home to his significant other/ wife/ gf and his children.

Barring adoption or invetro, I’d also assume that he used his penis to impregnate her.

In this scenario, I’d use the masculine pronouns. A vocal minority shouldn’t change how you address ANYONE unless requested otherwise. He may find it insulting that his choice of two earrings created an assumption by you.

The tail doesn’t wag the dog. You’re attempt at being polite (statistically) has much greater odds of doing just the opposite - offending, albeit unintentional.

People usually tell you if you're using the wrong pronouns, so it's ok to assume.

Sorry about typing mistakes in my message!

They is a generally safe gender neutral pronoun. No harm in using it unless the other person is looking to get offended. If they haven't specified pronouns they are likely defaulting to he/him. You can guess all day, but if in doubt, simply ask Jer. No point in arguing about something if you can get an easy answer right from the source.

I've only ever done it once, and it was with a philosopher, a australian hermaphrodite who was pressured into having his penis removed as a teenager in order to fit in. In his twenties he turned into a Rasputin looking hermit, then a doctor gave him testosterone and he is a weight lifter now. I do it more out of pity knowing liberalism mutilated his body. Otherwise, I won't play along, and 99.99% of the time even when I know a preference exists, I'm not registering it as a insult. I'm the sort of guy if you change your name, I'm still gonna call you by your old name, and you shouodn't remotely be upset at that because I in general can't remember most people's name, so count yourself important enough to even have a name in my eyes. I call most people "Hey".

There is much unnecessary heat generated by this subject. If someone tells me their prnouns are they/them, or whatevet it mighy be, i use those pronouns. I happen to think they sound ridiculous and an ugky use of language but i respect their wishes.

You must ask. Pretty much the whole reason for the new pronouns. So they don't become offended.

Knew a lesbian couple where one was in the middle of a sex change. Before the sex change one looked sort of masculine. Yet called herself Charlene. After the sex change he insisted on Charley.

The only way to tell was he told me about his preference.

She was fat chested as a woman.

Tell your friend to not be so crazy. Everyone is too scared of offending people now. He probably just likes ear rings!!

Typically if someone uses non-binary pronouns they will tell you. You shouldn’t assume that fish do. I let them tell me that and then I will happily use them.

If you refer to Jerry by his first name at all times whether he's present or not instead of using 'he' or 'they', you won't have to concern yourself about which washroom he thinks he needs to use, nor will you be expected to conform to the pronoun Jerry assigns to himself after he stopped listening to his mother.

Jerry's pronoun issue is not your problem, it's actually Jerry's problem if he doesn't know what he is at this late date in time. Don't support the stupidity of it all, just call everyone by their first name and ask them to advise you if they ever change their name when you're first introduced to them.