Question to those of you who use pronouns Can you please help solve a minor disagreement I have...

Unless the person specifically tells you their pronouns, you call them what you deem appropriate. Most individuals will let you know how they want to be addressed upfront.

carpediem · 61-69, M

Just my opinion, but I think the whole pronoun thing is crazy. I don't care what people do in their lives. Make yourself happy I say. Choose any lifestyle you want, as long as it doesn't impede on mine. But the thought I could offend someone based on using the wrong pronoun is wacky. You've proven my point. If you couldn't tell what the appropriate pronoun is, how on earth could I? You certainly appear to be more in tuned with this situation than I am.

I give up. Society is a mess.

Ducky · 31-35, F

I’m with you on this. What if Jer doesn’t use they/them pronouns and goes male pronouns? Then your friend Kerri’s assumption is pointless and Jer might even take offense to her thinking he make and female characteristics. Even if he does use so-called neutral pronouns, all he needs to do is politely inform you of his pronouns, if it bothers him that much. From my experience, though, most who prefer they/them pronouns never make a big deal of others who “assign” pronouns to them and it’s more of a self-identity thing that they expect only from their circle of friends.

ABCDEF7 · M

Ear piercing doesn't make a person feminine. It is sort of fashion for some.

In Hinduism ear piercing is equally recommended for males and females, but in modern times, this ritual known as karnavedha(ear piercing) has become an uncommon practice amongst males.

https://www.mysunar.com/blog/post/the-cultural-significance-of-childhood-piercings-around-india

ninalanyon · 61-69, T

Why does the use of they cause so many people such difficulty? It has been used as a gender neutral singular pronoun for four centuries in English, why is it suddenly so contentious?

But I agree that having both ears pierced is certainly not an infallible sign of femininity. I have relatives who have both ears pierced and who are quite definitely not fem (nor gay as far as I know). The kind of earrings might have been a bit more telling.

Does this matter because you discuss this person often and think that they might find out how you referred to them? If so why not just ask them if they have an opinion on the matter?

If you are corresponding with someone or talking to them you don't use they anyway no more than you use he or she.

Sojournersoul · M

You are the correct one. Assuming with get her in trouble.

Bowenw · 61-69, M

I use "they" if I'm not sure of, or can't remember someone's preferences.

DeWayfarer · 61-69, M

You must ask. Pretty much the whole reason for the new pronouns. So they don't become offended.

Knew a lesbian couple where one was in the middle of a sex change. Before the sex change one looked sort of masculine. Yet called herself Charlene. After the sex change he insisted on Charley.

The only way to tell was he told me about his preference.

She was fat chested as a woman.

MasterLee · 56-60, M

MrsAubrey · 46-50, F

Tell your friend to not be so crazy. Everyone is too scared of offending people now. He probably just likes ear rings!!

KatyO83 · 41-45, F

I'd never assume. I only use they when someone has explicitly said that's what they expect.

BohemianBabe · M

People usually tell you if you're using the wrong pronouns, so it's ok to assume.

Pathogen · 26-30, F

The only they I've been taught is when there's more than 1 person. 😂

iamonfire696 · 41-45, F

Typically if someone uses non-binary pronouns they will tell you. You shouldn’t assume that fish do. I let them tell me that and then I will happily use them.

BlueGreenGrey ·

Why isn't just Jer sufficient every single time? Why is any pronoun ever necessary at all?

swirlie · 31-35, F

If you refer to Jerry by his first name at all times whether he's present or not instead of using 'he' or 'they', you won't have to concern yourself about which washroom he thinks he needs to use, nor will you be expected to conform to the pronoun Jerry assigns to himself after he stopped listening to his mother.

Jerry's pronoun issue is not your problem, it's actually Jerry's problem if he doesn't know what he is at this late date in time. Don't support the stupidity of it all, just call everyone by their first name and ask them to advise you if they ever change their name when you're first introduced to them.

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