Is it rude that your friends wants to have a BBQ at your house?

I feel sure she knows it's rude.

Being a host or hostess is always a huge effort - especially with all the cleaning up before and after. It's a huge imposition on anyone so why on earth would your Dad want to say yes?

Her reason for asking you to keep her request a secret (and pretend it comes from you) doesn't ring true. Why would she suggest that she'd be seen as a bad influence when surely, at 26-30-years-old, you're fully capable of making your own decisions? She sounds manipulative to me - someone with little or no respect for obvious boundaries.

Why doesn't she volunteer her own place or suggest a public BBQ or picnic spot?

Or if the weather's unkind, why not all meet at a restaurant or cafe and each person pay for themselves?

Well their no problem asking if they could do something at your house but doing it behind his back is a bad idea and this is probably why your dad thinks she is a bad influence on you. At the end of the day you want you do make the difference do not do anything with out your dad's permission. You will have to deal with your dad afterword's not your friends.

Well, that is good to hear. I still agree with it being a touch rude, though. Next time they do something like that just offer an alternative. @ElizabethBabe1994

Edit: idk why it put my reply separate from the others. Kinda weird. lol

Yeah, I agree. It kinda sounds like she is using you. Obviously you know them better than me, but from the outside, that is how it appears.