Love & Attraction > Relationships

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my bestie confessed his feelings to me a month or two ago

i told him im struggling to have an interest in anyone at the moment or to date at all, and also would struggle too much as there was a great deal of distance between us. he told me today he met someone and they kissed and spent the whole weekend together. he said he needs to get over me and might put a little bit of distance between us

im afraid our friendship of ten years will end. ive been such a shitty friend the last year as ive been struggling a lot with the death of my mom and just everything else awful thats happened the last two years. which tbh ive been a shitty friend for the last two years in general. struggling to text back, set up times to call, reaching out first. if he realizes what a pos i am with this step back i wouldnt blame him for not talking to me anymore. but i love him so much and i dont want to lose him in my life.

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GlitterEater · 36-40, F

If he stops being your friend because he found a different woman to date him then he was never your friend

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MartinTheFirst · 26-30, M

@orioninthenight and she eats glitter, you can't trust those

ElwoodBlues · M

@Frostcloud It could well be that from his perspective, he always wanted to date you and found himself in the friend-zone where he didn't want to be. It could well be that from his perspective, you have been rejecting him for years, and that's why he moved on.

Frostcloud · F

@ElwoodBlues he had really open and honest communication. he started to develop feelings shortly before my mom died

SW-User

Tell him how you feel

Frostcloud · F

@SW-User i think i will in a couple of days when i can maybe better explain how im feeling and give him time to think as well

SW-User

@Frostcloud write out your thoughts and organize them a little, then read it through to yourself before you talk to him.

OlderSometimesWiser · F

If you love him so much and don’t want to lose him, you need to step forward and make more of an effort.

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OlderSometimesWiser · F

@Frostcloud Do you have romantic feelings for him or strictly friendship?

Frostcloud · F

@OlderSometimesWiser i guess i dont know. i do feel some romantic attraction towards him.. the most important part of a romantic relationship to me is a strong friendship. but between being generally sad and sorta generally disinterested in dating (which im trying to get over) and him living hours away i just couldnt be in a relationship with him

OlderSometimesWiser · F

@Frostcloud Does he know all this? If so, sounds like it’s too painful for him to maintain your friendship as is because he wants to take things to the next level. In which case you should respect his feelings and give him the space he’s requested.

You’re absolutely entitled to your feelings but yes, you do run the risk of either altering or losing the friendship.

DailyFlash · 56-60, M

He's actually pursuing someone who is emotionally available. You are pretty much saying you're not emotionally available or available distance wise. Telling him you are almost interested in him romantically will derail his chance at a healthy relationship.

Frostcloud · F

@DailyFlash i wont tell him that part, just that i want him in my life. bottom line is i cant be in a ldr

DailyFlash · 56-60, M

@Frostcloud good luck

Carazaa · F

Tell him!

Frostcloud · F

@Carazaa i think i will try to by the end of the week when im feeling less cry-baby lol

MartinTheFirst · 26-30, M

Yeah it sound like he is making a mistake that's going to cost you a crucial part of your friendship.

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