My works bring all the junkies to the yard and they're like "they're cuter than ours." Damn right, they're cuter than yours.
Not sure if this is a compliment, but I told my therapist that I was boring for my last one and she says "you are anything but boring to a therapist"
The nurse next week is gonna be perplexed by the combination of track marks and fear of needles I exhibit
Life Pro-Tip: For grout that really shines, give your roommate 1 gram of methamphetamine and leave a scrub pad in the shower
Not doing opioids until you start getting dope sick when you have a pile of opioids should be an Olympic sport
You ever see something like this from a colleague and think "My Glob, would my life terrify you?" (1)
