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He said marriage counseling or he’s getting a divorce. We start tomorrow. Lmaoo

Im really just going cause I want to be able to talk to the therapist but he waited until things got really bad to where I actually feel weird around him and it feels like we’re over doing our stay with each other. I told him these things. Like everytime I look at him I remember the nasty things he said to me.

When I try to work I remember his voice making fun of my job. When I try to stay home and play with our son I have flash backs of him calling me lazy or saying everything is paid with his money. Not true because even though he made it to where I can stay home I work for extra things and I furnished the whole apartment. I drive my car and I hear his voice telling me I wouldn’t have a car if it wasn’t for him. Then I hear a sad song and tears full up in my eyes and I have to pull over and take a break. Also lately I’m Leary of his kind gestures because I never know when it’s going to get blown up in my face. Like now he’s lovebombing again buying gifts I didn’t ask him to get, telling me how much he spent on my valentines presents. Honestly we don’t have it like that for him to even be bragging. I love him but love isn’t enough when respect is gone. I try to show respect for him but then he does something and I guess I get ptsd and freak out cause I never know if he’s going to blame things on me again and act like I’m over reacting.

Also he honestly believes he can make a marriage work with me even thought he told me he lacks empathy for me and empathy in general his words. I told him it does show in his actions and he said he doesn’t need empathy to love me or be with me. It’s the little things like one time when I was sleep the head board fell on my head and it hurt so bad I cried he looked at me and said ohh. Are you ok well it fell on me too. (His words)

Then if I try to talk to him and I say one wrong thing he doesn’t like he tells me to get out his face and if I don’t stop talking immediately when he says he yells at me. So now I’m tired of talking and I asked him to move out but now he came up with some ultimatum that it’s either therapy or a divorce. I just want to see if therapy would actually help but I’ve heard you shouldn’t go into therapy with a covert narcissist.
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Starcrossed · 41-45, F
I tried couples therapy with 3 different therapists over 5 years with my child's CN father. Every single session was used as an opportunity to further abuse me. Every. Single. Time.

The first therapist helped with his anger management so it was worth seeing him, but all the other times I really wish I wouldn't have gone with him.

As we prepare to separate and work out shared custody, I've been thinking long and hard on if going back to have one as neutral 3rd party would be to my benefit or detriment.
MasterLee · 56-60, M
What happened to love honor and obey as long as you both shall live
SW-User
@MasterLee
It didn’t come across that way and liking your own post lol 😆
MasterLee · 56-60, M
@SW-User because you are sensitive to the topic
This message was deleted by its author.
SW-User
So sorry, I know how it feels, they never change and will use any tactic.
They’ll charm the therapist and make you look bad.
I’d walk away if I was you, you’re still young, I stayed and shouldn’t have, goes round in circles until you lose yourself.
Starcrossed · 41-45, F
@SW-User ^this they WILL charm the therapist and twist any of your reactive abuse back to make you be the sole scapegoat for all that went wrong.
SW-User
@Starcrossed
yep outsiders never see the other side. Only the good side 🙄
th3r0n · 41-45, M
Sounds like he has a fair share of issues and then some, but moving out when you're married isn't healthy

Marriage isn't supposed to be until you divorce, it's supposed to be until death do us part

That's why marriages don't last anymore, people consider divorce an option instead of making the effort to fix things

It's not like it's easy, but you need to communicate openly

He's clearly trying to win you back, why don't you let him but tell him the things you need him to work on for you to be ok?
th3r0n · 41-45, M
@WhereTheCloudsareFarBehindMe the idea of saving a marriage is funny to you?
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Carissimi · F
This sounds like classic gaslighting by a narcissist. It’s abuse.
RuyLopez · 56-60, M
It sounds like he plans on using the therapy as another way to manipulate you. Narcissists are like that. They are use to persuading and manipulating others. They can even do that to therapist. If you think he is not sincere you have no obligation to sit through a session of him gaslighting and trying to convince you how wrong you are.
he is abusing you. emotionally and mentally. therapy won’t help you guys unless he does therapy on his own and starts to understand what he is doing and changes it.
SW-User
Just divorce him
Midlifemale · 61-69, M
He won't change. He's an idiot. He doesn't deserve you. Get yourself a lawyer and tell them everything to get the right advise. Can you move back home or with a friend ?
He's such an ass for treating you like that.
I don't know you, but I am sorry for what you are going through.
Some men are just so stupid.
Anielka · F
Listen to yourself and take the divorce, you already know the feeling is gone and you don't feel right around him, it's just gonna get worse plus therapist don't know what they're talking about cause they're not you so don't waste your time.
Lexithegreat · 31-35, F
@Anielka you’re right cause after day 1 therapy he told me the therapist caught me talking too much when it was my turn to tell her what happen and I was telling her how I felt. He flipped that into him and the therapist vs. me.
poshnaturist · 51-55, M
You can can never forget what he’s said and how he’s treated you and he can never take any of that back.
Having been with a narcissist myself, separation is the best thing for you, your mental health and your son.
Good luck
SusanInFlorida · 31-35, F
you probably need to show this post to your counsellor, on day 1, so that he or she can get a feel for your attitudes.
meggie · F
He controls you by keeping you down. I hope the counselling goes well, but these sort of people are never wrong.
ScarletWitch · 31-35, F
I know its hard falling back in love again. I hope it works out for you.
Convivial · 26-30, F
Tough one... All you can do is try.. Good luck
SW-User
Eww he needs the therapist, you need to get away from him!!
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DunningKruger · 61-69, M
This relationship is done. Stick a fork in it and walk away.
uncalled4 · 56-60, M
It's weird, my gf's mom is a covert narc, and does display flashes of self-awareness from time to time, which narcs are not supposed to have. It's probably some humble-brag bullshit anyway, everything is show and no substance with them.
Starcrossed · 41-45, F
@uncalled4 shared mortgage, he refuses to go 'rah rah rah it's my house too' [and in the same breath remind me how miserable he is and how it's all my fault and on me to fix].
uncalled4 · 56-60, M
@Starcrossed Narcs and money don't mix, as you do know.
Starcrossed · 41-45, F
@uncalled4 amen to that 🙌
Move. As soon as possible.

 
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