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The biggest most stressful thing in my life right now is my boyfriend's 11 year old son 😭

I do t think I have ever been this stressed out for this long in my life . I feel like I just let my worst enemy into my home 😭. He is the worst and make things even harder his bad attitude and behavior has been rubbing off on my kids 😭 who are a 3 and 5 year old little girls . I have been so stressed and annoyed for so long now without feeling like I can have a day of happiness. Sometimes I just wish I had a bunch of money so I can disappear and then I feel more upset because I cant believe I am so stressed and sad that I want to leave my kids behind for a little while 😭.

On top of it I feel like I have to constantly be on guard because the kid was accused of humping his friends little sister . The boys both accused each other but I don't believe either of them they both have holes in there stores and I believe they both need exactly what they where doing together.

I just need some positive in my week right now and some stress free days 😔😣😔

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Mamapolo2016 · F

When I was 28, my stepsons. 12 and 17, moved in with us. I thought I'd died and gone to hell.

My husband would not control them because he was afraid they'd move back with their mom.

My opinion is that if your BF will not consistently support you and control his son, you need to move out or ask them to leave. I was lucky because at that time I didn't have a child.

If you want to stay, insist on family counseling. It may help.

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Mamapolo2016 · F

@Spoiledbrat It's a very tricky situation, and she is in a position where her stepson could accuse her of things that would get her arrested.

Spoiledbrat · F

😳 oh

Im sorry to hear that. @Mamapolo2016

Mamapolo2016 · F

@Spoiledbrat I didn't get arrested, the boys were bigger than I was. We were way past the point where spanking would have been effective anyway.

But it can and does happen.

MrPerditus1 · 61-69, M

Not knowing the dynamics of the relationship or how long it's been going on, but his son could be acting out because he doesn't like his mom being "replaced" or wants his parents back together. I only say that because kids around that age really don't get a lot of what's going on between adults all the time, as I'm sure you know. They act out because they are mad or hurt, but it's not always at the right person, for the most part, they might not know as well. Okay, remember, this is just going by a tiny bit of information.

No matter what the reason behind it, he needs to be talked to. If you can approach the subject with his father, your boyfriend, it would be the best. Talk to your bf and explain in more detail, because I have a feeling you already brought this up. Explain to him what it's doing to your daughters and to you. Get him to see it, bring it up every time, nag him if he chooses not to listen. Your bf should be the one taking control of this. If it's in your home, then you have the right to say whatever, it's your home, your rules. If not, then you definitely need to get the dad to do something.

I wouldn't go so far as to give an ultimatum, those don't usually work out well, but if his dad loves you and loves his son, he should work something out. Find out why his acting up, dig into that and get it worked on. That is the root and it needs tending.

Yes, getting away for a while would be nice, letting you get some rest from it all, but as you probably know, it won't solve it, it'll just give you a much needed break. This situation needs to be dealt with or it'll only get worse. I do wish you luck though and hope something I have said might be helpful.

Stray4life · 31-35, F

@MrPerditus1 his mother gave his to his father the day he was born . She tried to have a miscarriage a couple time my boyfriend told me and as soon as he was born she left the hospital. Otherwise he's only seen her a handful of times for an hour or so. H hasn't seen her for a couple years now he forgot her name one time . I know it's hard for his cus she has other kids the two youngest she has still the others she doesn't . And the only other girls his dad has dated or married in one case where mean to him.

I just feel like I have explained to him plenty of times and have tried to have heart to hearts with him but he just chooses to be a menace.

Stray4life · 31-35, F

@MrPerditus1 his dad's ex wife was a bitch I guess .

MrPerditus1 · 61-69, M

@Stray4life She sounds like it. The best I can say is talk to your bf about all this, again if you already have. He really has to take charge and not let his son walk all over you or treat you badly in any way. It's hard being a parent. I remember many times I was the bad guy, I can't count how many times I was told by my son he hated me and so on. But I did what needed to be done and though we are thousands of miles apart, we have a great relationship in his adulthood.

Thank you for putting some clarification to this. I not only think your bf needs to step up and lay down some law, but that slowly the two of you can talk to his son, try to show him you're not like the others and that you want to treat him well. With all that boy has gone through and has seen, it's no wonder he acts that way, but still he should not be allowed to continue.

Not sure about this option, but if there is a way to get him to talk to a professional, it could really help. Just talking to a child therapist can work out things that you and your bf may not know or understand. When you're close to a situation you don't always see all that can be going on where someone outside can and is trained to help guide the child to a better place inside as well as with others. It's good if the parent can sit in sometimes as well. Usually happens later on though. Just some ideas I thought I'd share. But no matter what happens, the dad really needs to take charge, be there for him and place rules that are reinforced to help lend some stability to his sons life.

Again, I only know so much so forgive me if I have said anything that has been or is being done. I don't mean to criticize or put down anything you or your bf have or might be doing. I hope things work out for the best for all of you.

JaneDoeEyes · 41-45, F

I mean lets be real,at least he's a boyfriend. If shit gets to be to much you can just break up. I would talk to him before it gets to that point.

Stray4life · 31-35, F

@JaneDoeEyes my boyfriend is perfect his supportive and carrying. It's amazing his son is nothing like him . He must get the shitty behavior from his mother

SuperA · 70-79, F

@Stray4life I on't know you, but if the child hears negativity about his mother it might be one reason he's acting the way he does with you.

Whether or not the mother is a good r bad mother she still is his mother and he may feel he needs to defend her if he hears anything bad.

ihurtmychin · 26-30, M

easy , leave and raise your kids in a safe environment , you never know what could happen behind your back , you better do it now b4 it's too late !

AngelKrish · 26-30, M

@ihurtmychin It is easy to say "go and leave" doing is very difficult +other problems as well one need to face!

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User41 · 36-40, M

You should ask for u deserved best answers

I hear it helps... 😐

User41 · 36-40, M

I’d fix this but peope keep hearting it 🤷🏻‍♂️@User41

Coppercoil · M

tell your boyfriend to fix it.

Spoiledbrat · F

He may be acting out so be careful how you choose to handle it. His mom and dad split I take it or something close and now has step mom and siblings. He may just feel out of place or threatened. Try to find out what’s bothering him and let him push you a little.

Stray4life · 31-35, F

@Spoiledbrat I'm pretty sure it's mostly his dad not taking the time out of his dad to spend time with him . I've told his dad that plenty of times but he doesn't like spending time with it seems because Everytime they try to have boys time he does something that gets them into a fight .

JeanAnna · F

If you are not married to this man, maybe it's time you left and get out of this stressful situation before something bad happens to one of your kids. That's what I would do. You need to protect your own kids and your sanity.

SW-User

Have you talked to your boyfriend about it? What exactly is the problem? His behavior? Sometimes these kids behavior can be caused by trauma. Also, is his mother around?

SimplyTracie · 26-30, F

I cannot imagine your life right now.
One of three things must happen.
1. Your stepson gets therapy.
2. You get training on how to cope in a hostile environment.
3. Your stepson gets kicked out after turning 18.

Your biggest challenge is keeping your 3 and 5 year olds safe. They gotta be feeling as stressed as you are if not more so. Yikes!

Maybe consider having the children live with their father until your home becomes more harmonious. They are your number 1 priority. Right?

Stray4life · 31-35, F

@SimplyTracie they always are my priority. I mostly feel like they have been picking up on his bad behavior and now I have to correct it at the same time they are seeing his behavior is not being corrected.
My kid's father is not in the picture right now . My girls are my boyfriend are close he cares for them like they are his own and I think his son is jealous of them and me when he doesn't have all his dad's attention.

AngelKrish · 26-30, M

Can we talk on chat about it? I need to understand more deeply so i can give you best advice so you can find a way of happiness in your life again!

BlondilyOld · F

I feel sorry for the little boy. He has no mother that loves him like he should be loved.

If I were you I would look into getting him a therapist and also have family therapy. Hes a child. He cant express himself like an adult. He needs time to adjust and fit in.

If its too much for you maybe you should think of ending the relationship. Its very complicated and your own two children will be affected by this if you dont get therapy or counseling now.

Livingwell · 61-69, M

Sorry for your situation. I’ve been there and there’s no way to come out ahead if dad doesn’t straighten him out. Let dad know that your patience is running thin.

SuperA · 70-79, F

I don't know why you feel your boyfriend's child is your responsibility

You have your own children who you should focus on.

SW-User

Yikes .
.try talking this out to see if some other things to be done to help the situation

Stray4life · 31-35, F

@SW-User we have talked a lot he just wants to be a jerk and wants it to be just him and his dad . Ik he's only 11 and kids his age are kinda selfish but it's really like he doesn't care about his dad's happiness

SW-User

@Stray4life my son is 12. Please bare in mind he is most likely going through a lot of changes ,not just with this living situation but physiologically too. He probably does care but he may not be able to articulate it properly . Many kids ,especially boys have a harder time with this . Just something to keep in mind .

Spokeskitties75 · 46-50, M

I’m sure there is a precarious cliff somewhere near by... where unfortunate accidents happen... accidentally.

This message was deleted by its author.

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Stray4life · 31-35, F

He has been to a mental hospital for kids before and was on lots of meds when I met them since he has been living with me he has been a better then he was and doesn't take meds anymore . He used to have sleeping problems and night terrors and doesn't have them anymore . Now he's just an ass hole .

SimplyTracie · 26-30, F

@Stray4life You need help. Please get help to find out what’s hurting him that he’s acting out like this. Only then can you help him.

Giving him a party and gifts may not be helpful. Is there someone close to him?

SuperA · 70-79, F

@Stray4life Seems like he needs therapy and maybe meds again, but his dad needs to be more active in his life. It's not fair to you or your children to be the only one responsible for doing everything

Without his dad being involved I don't see anything positive happening

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