Love & Attraction > Relationships

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Why do men not care to fix a relationship or marriage until it actually falls apart completely ?

SW-User

It's definitely not just men.

GerOttman · 61-69, M

A relationship is like a car, when it's new it doesn't need much work. As it gets older, if you skip the routine maintenance it starts to break down. Pretty soon you're standing by the side of the road waiting for a tow truck!

LyricalOne · F

Quite the generalization. Do you mean your man? Couldn’t say without specifics.

Primnproper · 56-60, F

Not all but some don't like change it's a hassle to deal with the fall out..they like to hope it will sort itself out or the crazy wife will get herself together..there are also some women that will ignore there's a problem because they don't want to lose their lifestyle. r

Dontbeanass · 36-40, F

I think a lot of men don’t realize how bad it actually is until it’s completely fallen apart. My friends husband didn’t try to fix anything until she told him she wanted a divorce and when they went to therapy he told her he just didn’t realize how unhappy she had been because she kept doing everything she always had like taking care of the kids and house and going to work etc. Other parts of the marriage that were failing he just assumed happened in all marriages so he didn’t realize he needed to fix it.

JoeyFoxx · 56-60, M

@Dontbeanass in other words, communication is a two way street.

Fernie · F

@JoeyFoxx irrelevant...this post is specifically about MEN...why do you insist on making it about something else?

JoeyFoxx · 56-60, M

Since the OP is a woman and the topic is marriage, then the post is about both men and women. The question in the post, as clarified in many other replies, is categorically incorrect as it implies that only men wait until things fall apart, where it is clear that women do this too. @Fernie

With that said, having this kind of debate on someone else’s post is unfair to the author, so I will most respectfully bow out of this conversation and yield the floor

PhoenixPhail · M

I think the culprit is fear. Many aren't willing to work on it even when it falls apart. And I'm sure, for some, it's falling apart that's what's wanted.

Fernie · F

Many men have zero communication skills

View 2 more replies »

Fernie · F

@JoeyFoxx the subject HERE oh defensive one...is MEN

Fernie · F

@GerOttman

JoeyFoxx · 56-60, M

@Fernie you say defensive, I say “offering clarity”

:)

cheesyAF · 31-35, M

I would leave nothing untried to fix and save my relationship!

Magenta · F

@cheesyAF Yes! That is Love.

redredred · M

Because it's only by then that most women open up and tell them what's bothering them. Many women think it's a necessary act of true love to be able to read their minds.

We can't.

Fernie · F

@redredred get a grip ...don't blame women for a man's inability to communicate

redredred · M

I'm citing the well known aspect of relationships that women expect men to be able to read minds. @Fernie

TeresaRudolph71 · 51-55, F

@redredred Your point is well taken. But sometimes, for various reasons, we don't feel comfortable talking about what's bothering us. The last time my boyfriend asked me if I had been unhappy, and what was bothering me, he didn't like the answer he got. He said, "I don't want to hear about that." After this happened a couple of times, I learned that when he asked questions like that (Have you been unhappy with me? What's been bothering you?), these were only rhetorical questions, which he didn't actually want the honest answers to.

Sometimes the truth is harsh, or makes us uncomfortable, so we avoid facing it.

HerKing · 61-69, M

Or women...

xixgun · M

Because when we ask, “What’s the matter?” We get a terse, “nothing”.
Which, to a man, means nothing is wrong.

Fernie · F

@xixgun and then you never bother again and blame her for your weak communication skills" Women, you can't figure them out" no, many of you males just don't bother. We are NOT that complicated

xixgun · M

@Fernie The fact that she lied instead of saying wtf the problem was, does not constitute “weak communication skills” on a man’s part.

Fernie · F

@xixgun Oh, now she lied and THAT is why....🙄

This comment is hidden. Show Comment

Magenta · F

I think some or many don't want to put out the effort or commit to it.

4meAndyou · F

I think the operative phrase there is "do not care".

Goralski · 56-60, M

Cause men choose not to

Spartan1 · 46-50, M

Isn't just men

fazer1k · 56-60, M

If generalisations such as this find their way into relationship issues it doesn't sound as though the 'men' you speak of would have much chance either way.

JoeyFoxx · 56-60, M

I do believe this is a broad characterization and that there is plenty of evidence of some women doing the same thing

Tminus6453 · M

We do try to fix it if its worth fixing....Im guessin those are the ones that wanted it to fall apart cause they were ready to leave🤷

TonyPajamas · 22-25

Did you consider being up the issue yourself? Because they might not know what the problem is.

kimmy159 · F

I wonder about that too...

DDonde · 31-35, M

I did try.

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