overbearing in law. what do I do?

So I meet my bf mum for the first time, and she starts by asking what I do for a living when she already knows (I work from home doing catering/farmers market /frozen meals) I love what I do and I make money. She goes on to say that's not a real job job and I HAVE to work.she then asks me why I don't drive and she likes girls to be independent . Me and my bf want to live together most of our stuff like fridge and stove is coming from my parents who have retired and giving it to me because they get new stuff so they helping me, she is not offering anything yet she doesn't want him to take his bed and TV from their home that he paid for . She keeps tell me well you know my son has forgotten his family very since he met you . After lunch I had to do all the dishes while she storing the back and watched. During the time she only insulted my bf and kept saying oh he won't make it and he's so lazy .
Am I wrong to be upset?after the meeting I had to come home and rest my head because I felt physically sick . She also said we cant move in together until I meet the whole family. What you think of this woman? What do I do, I have so much on my plate already and now I have to deal with this woman.

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calthouse01 · 41-45, M

Wow... She sounds like a real joy... *obvious sarcasm is obvious*... 😒

The two of you need to talk it out first... Calmly and rationally. For all you know, he may have already recognized the same problems and may be just as tired as you are, if not more so.

If you two REALLY want to be in this for the long haul, then I see nothing wrong with the two of you, the next time you have to deal with her, letting her know in as polite and respectful of a way as possible, that this is YOUR life that you are building together, NOT hers and basically calmly but firmly encourage her to 'butt out', as it were. She may have raised him but now that he is grown, she no longer has any business dictating his life and life choices to him.

As far as his belongings are concerned... If he paid for them, then they are HIS. Sorry... But mumsy-in-law will have to suck it up on this one. This is the one area where he is in EVERY right to demand he be allowed to take what BELONGS to him... Up to AND INCLUDING calling Law Enforcement if she wants to push the issue too far... Denying someone the possession of legally purchased items IS theft and little miss mumsy is going to have to accept that.

As far as any further dealings with her... This is a choice for both of you to make. I hope he does not display the same character flaws shown by his mum... Contrary to the old adage, apples CAN roll quite a ways away from the tree! 😂 Decide what is more important... Starting a life with this person who has managed to take your heart, or the problems you have with the woman who birthed him.

I think you'll do fine if you can keep that in it's proper perspective.

Wow... Now that I've sounded like 'Dear Abby', let me just close by saying best of luck to you both! Make as much of the fun times that you can... The more you enjoy your lives together, the less bothersome 'mumsy-in-laws' and other nuisances can be...

Ciao! 😀

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calthouse01 · 41-45, M

@Clairessa09 Please DO NOT let little mumsy dearest be a roadblock to this relationship that you want with your boyfriend... It's not his fault nor his responsibility for how she behaves.

This is YOUR life, not hers. If you want this life for you and him, you can't let her be in the way of it. Don't put him through undeserved pain just because his mom can't behave.

Clairessa09 · 31-35

@calthouse01 You are right. Thank u i needed that

calthouse01 · 41-45, M

@Clairessa09 Not a problem... 😘😊

Gusman · 61-69, M

Be assertive. Not a big serious confrontation to communicate your needs, but it is important to speak in an assertive manner when the opportunity presents itself. Learn some key phrases such as, "You’re entitled to your opinion, but this isn’t up for discussion" or, "I’m sorry you’re upset, but we’re sticking with our decision."
Tell her you love her son and you love your work and the two of you(her son and yourself)are going to have a lovely life together.
Be assertive but not aggressive

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Clairessa09 · 31-35

@Gusman he says not to worry about her and we will start our lives together whether she's happy or not. She will always choose me first. After today I can imagine what he went through. And did I mention she wants me to meet the whole family before we move in , like what does that mean??!!

Gusman · 61-69, M

@Clairessa09 Reassuring for you that your bf chooses you over his mother.
It means she wants to display you and to control you.
She wants others in her family to give her justification for her own attitude towards you. She wants her family to also be negative towards you.
Stuff that.
She does not have that control and do not bend to her will.
Do your thing Clairessa and worry not about her.
She may set up a family get together before you move in with your bf. Tell her no, you control your life. Meeting the whole family is not a priority. You are not getting married.
Remain steadfast and assertive. Do not give in to her demands.
Enjoy your life with your Beau☺

Clairessa09 · 31-35

@Gusman thank you appreciate it. I won't let her ruin my life

walabby · M

Where you and bf live is up to you and bf. Do what you want...

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Clairessa09 · 31-35

@walabby no ways, she is wealthy and has money she is doing the for nothing, why should he give his TV to her? When starting our lives and been battling with our business and financially.

walabby · M

@Clairessa09 If she can afford her own TV then take it for sure... !

Clairessa09 · 31-35

@walabby yes she's rich just stirring problems. Got two flats and a posh car.

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