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overbearing in law. what do I do?

So I meet my bf mum for the first time, and she starts by asking what I do for a living when she already knows (I work from home doing catering/farmers market /frozen meals) I love what I do and I make money. She goes on to say that's not a real job job and I HAVE to work.she then asks me why I don't drive and she likes girls to be independent . Me and my bf want to live together most of our stuff like fridge and stove is coming from my parents who have retired and giving it to me because they get new stuff so they helping me, she is not offering anything yet she doesn't want him to take his bed and TV from their home that he paid for . She keeps tell me well you know my son has forgotten his family very since he met you . After lunch I had to do all the dishes while she storing the back and watched. During the time she only insulted my bf and kept saying oh he won't make it and he's so lazy .
Am I wrong to be upset?after the meeting I had to come home and rest my head because I felt physically sick . She also said we cant move in together until I meet the whole family. What you think of this woman? What do I do, I have so much on my plate already and now I have to deal with this woman.
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Gusman · 61-69, M
Be assertive. Not a big serious confrontation to communicate your needs, but it is important to speak in an assertive manner when the opportunity presents itself. Learn some key phrases such as, "You’re entitled to your opinion, but this isn’t up for discussion" or, "I’m sorry you’re upset, but we’re sticking with our decision."
Tell her you love her son and you love your work and the two of you(her son and yourself)are going to have a lovely life together.
Be assertive but not aggressive
Clairessa09 · 31-35
@Gusman I had to go through so much he'll financially emotionally the last few months and now this 😢there's just no break. Next time I meet her I'm going to just be quiet and speak when I'm spoken to and be straight and blunt, I give a damn if she likes me or not.
Gusman · 61-69, M
@Clairessa09 You can put your point across without the aggression. Stay calm, be gentle but assertive.
If she responds negatively then you and your bf need to have a discussion. Find out what he thinks of the situation and take it from there.
There may need to be a short term separation from him and his mother to let her know that she may lose her son if she does not temper her ways. Sad, but true. Sometimes people need to take this path
Clairessa09 · 31-35
@Gusman my sister went through the same problem and she's divorced now, I have my fears because of that and my bf and I love each other to bit, he is my whole life. If she causes too much problems I have no choice but to leave I can't do nonsense anymore
Gusman · 61-69, M
@Clairessa09 What does your bf say? Would he choose his mother over you? Surely not. Your bf needs to break away from her influence. Then can you two start living your life as a happy couple without interference.
Clairessa09 · 31-35
@Gusman he says not to worry about her and we will start our lives together whether she's happy or not. She will always choose me first. After today I can imagine what he went through. And did I mention she wants me to meet the whole family before we move in , like what does that mean??!!
Gusman · 61-69, M
@Clairessa09 Reassuring for you that your bf chooses you over his mother.
It means she wants to display you and to control you.
She wants others in her family to give her justification for her own attitude towards you. She wants her family to also be negative towards you.
Stuff that.
She does not have that control and do not bend to her will.
Do your thing Clairessa and worry not about her.
She may set up a family get together before you move in with your bf. Tell her no, you control your life. Meeting the whole family is not a priority. You are not getting married.
Remain steadfast and assertive. Do not give in to her demands.
Enjoy your life with your Beau☺
Clairessa09 · 31-35
@Gusman thank you appreciate it. I won't let her ruin my life