trackman11 · 61-69, M
Of course. Cookie has a great answer. There are more ways than one to cheat. If it’s lust then you are giving into temptation and that indicates a lack of self discipline. Although you can love one and cheat (lust driven) with another, frankly it makes you far less “loveable”. Self discipline is always important but exponentially more important when others count on you.
Of course instead of lust it can be driven by emotion and attraction to a soul as much as a body. This of course argues that you can love more than one and argues against the romantic ideal that you have a single soul mate. This leaves you with the reality that any and every relationship requires you to make choices. Commitment is what is now at stake. Love alone is never enough. Life is far too complicated. I love each of my grandchildren and all four of my children, but they don’t feel betrayed because they know I am committed to them. In most cases your partner will expect your commitment to mean that you “love” them exclusively and as a result they learn to trust you. Commitment and discipline are some of the many underpinnings that form the foundation of a lasting love.
I do understand it’s more popular to romanticize love and turn it in to nice words, warm fuzzy feelings and emotions. I’m just suggesting that’s not enough and cheating is always a choice. When you believe you are above it you might be most vulnerable.
Of course instead of lust it can be driven by emotion and attraction to a soul as much as a body. This of course argues that you can love more than one and argues against the romantic ideal that you have a single soul mate. This leaves you with the reality that any and every relationship requires you to make choices. Commitment is what is now at stake. Love alone is never enough. Life is far too complicated. I love each of my grandchildren and all four of my children, but they don’t feel betrayed because they know I am committed to them. In most cases your partner will expect your commitment to mean that you “love” them exclusively and as a result they learn to trust you. Commitment and discipline are some of the many underpinnings that form the foundation of a lasting love.
I do understand it’s more popular to romanticize love and turn it in to nice words, warm fuzzy feelings and emotions. I’m just suggesting that’s not enough and cheating is always a choice. When you believe you are above it you might be most vulnerable.
CookieCrumbs · F
Yes, because Love is not a black and white yes and no concept.
I’m not saying cheating is right, nor do I condemn those who fell into that trap. All I’m saying is that the answer to your question is : Yes, it is possible.
A person can be both a generally honest person and would fall trap to cheating. The same way a person could be honest with his work dealings yet pad his expense reports or take small favours in exchange for something of benefit, or take company supplies for home use. All those examples I’ve mentioned are different forms of “stealing”, but do you call the person a thief?
I’m not saying cheating is right, nor do I condemn those who fell into that trap. All I’m saying is that the answer to your question is : Yes, it is possible.
A person can be both a generally honest person and would fall trap to cheating. The same way a person could be honest with his work dealings yet pad his expense reports or take small favours in exchange for something of benefit, or take company supplies for home use. All those examples I’ve mentioned are different forms of “stealing”, but do you call the person a thief?
bijouxbroussard · F
@CookieCrumbs Actually, yes. It is dishonesty and while it’s human, unless you (general “you”) would feel okay as the partner of someone who cheated, or the employer of someone padding his reports and taking home supplies, it can be assessed as the acts of a cheat or a thief.
CookieCrumbs · F
@bijouxbroussard I agree that it is not right. And definitely not a practice that is right by any standards.
The employee example is something I totally do not approve of, but what I’m stating here is : people call a person who steals a car a thief....but not the one who took supplies home. The society has a “grey” tolerance (almost acceptance) to the act.
The same way that the act of transgression/cheating has found tolerance depending on the situation.... the one doing it has excuses and the one cheated on will only see the betrayal but not see the point of view of the person who has excuses or reasons on why it happened.
....
The question is about the possibility of “Love” in those cases, the answer is yes.
If it’s a question on how I feel about the issues at hand: I had been in those situations and my choices reflected how I personally felt about them. I had turned down a marriage proposal bec of questionable trustworthiness of the other person who I had caught cheating once. And I had chosen to become a whistle-blower to stop and correct a bigger version of “padding expenses and taking supplies”.
The employee example is something I totally do not approve of, but what I’m stating here is : people call a person who steals a car a thief....but not the one who took supplies home. The society has a “grey” tolerance (almost acceptance) to the act.
The same way that the act of transgression/cheating has found tolerance depending on the situation.... the one doing it has excuses and the one cheated on will only see the betrayal but not see the point of view of the person who has excuses or reasons on why it happened.
....
The question is about the possibility of “Love” in those cases, the answer is yes.
If it’s a question on how I feel about the issues at hand: I had been in those situations and my choices reflected how I personally felt about them. I had turned down a marriage proposal bec of questionable trustworthiness of the other person who I had caught cheating once. And I had chosen to become a whistle-blower to stop and correct a bigger version of “padding expenses and taking supplies”.
RubySoo · 56-60, F
Sadly...yes. coz theres lots of different types of love....and its very rare one person can fulfill a your needs.
Of course...most of us dream of being so connected to that one person that they care our everything and they can give us and we give them all they need. But....in most relationships.. sonething is missing ...And sometimes .....someone else provides that little bit and its what we need right that moment.....
Im not saying its right....but its easy to see how it happens...
Of course...most of us dream of being so connected to that one person that they care our everything and they can give us and we give them all they need. But....in most relationships.. sonething is missing ...And sometimes .....someone else provides that little bit and its what we need right that moment.....
Im not saying its right....but its easy to see how it happens...
bijouxbroussard · F
SW-User
Yes. Sex isn't always about love. Urges are hormonal and biological. Then, there is the excitement of the chase or the boredom factor. Indulging in a bit of strange doesn't mean you don't love your partner. One thing has nothing to do with another.
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SW-User
@VeronicaJane I don't disagree with your stance or bijoux's. But dishonesty and sneaking around weren't part of the original question. That's a whole other ball of wax. Now you're both talking about the end result that occurs when a person cheats. It doesn't mean you don't love the person you're cheating on.
I do understand the ability to separate emotion from the physical act. I've known a couple of people who have addictive personalities and sex was one of their issues. A guy I know ruined his marriage because he couldn't control his urges. It's a shame because he really did love his wife.
I do understand the ability to separate emotion from the physical act. I've known a couple of people who have addictive personalities and sex was one of their issues. A guy I know ruined his marriage because he couldn't control his urges. It's a shame because he really did love his wife.
@SW-User the ability to seperate - intellectually I have been exposed to the concept. Don't quite understand it.
Too bad about your friend/guy you know.
I disagree. Its not another ball of wax. Dishonesty and sneaking are part and parcel of cheating. Its part of the package. How many people blatantly tell their spouse they are cheating?
BTW, hot wife and cuckold are not cheating when they agree and get off on it.
Your friend.... did you have him in mind when asking the question?
Perhaps if it were a 'sickness' or 'addiction' it might be possible. But in that case it would be very, very sad and tragic.
Too bad about your friend/guy you know.
I disagree. Its not another ball of wax. Dishonesty and sneaking are part and parcel of cheating. Its part of the package. How many people blatantly tell their spouse they are cheating?
BTW, hot wife and cuckold are not cheating when they agree and get off on it.
Your friend.... did you have him in mind when asking the question?
Perhaps if it were a 'sickness' or 'addiction' it might be possible. But in that case it would be very, very sad and tragic.
SW-User
@VeronicaJane
I didn't have anyone in mind since I didn't ask the question darling, Calmemotions did. I simply responded to the question. And of course, you are free to disagree with me, as you have done so twice now.
Yes, I am well aware of "hot wife and cuckold" are not cheating when they agree, as any other relationship that is an open one. Not sure why you feel inclined to bring that up.
I'm sorry you "don't quite understand" the concept of having the ability to separate oneself. As I explained, I do understand it and I don't believe "dishonesty and sneaking around" have anything to do with feeling love for another person. I believe it's a character flaw that gives someone the ability to do that.
Again, what you are stating wasn't the question that was asked. We are going in circles. We disagree. Please accept that. There's nothing to debate here. It's obvious we each aren't going to change the other's mind.
I didn't have anyone in mind since I didn't ask the question darling, Calmemotions did. I simply responded to the question. And of course, you are free to disagree with me, as you have done so twice now.
Yes, I am well aware of "hot wife and cuckold" are not cheating when they agree, as any other relationship that is an open one. Not sure why you feel inclined to bring that up.
I'm sorry you "don't quite understand" the concept of having the ability to separate oneself. As I explained, I do understand it and I don't believe "dishonesty and sneaking around" have anything to do with feeling love for another person. I believe it's a character flaw that gives someone the ability to do that.
Again, what you are stating wasn't the question that was asked. We are going in circles. We disagree. Please accept that. There's nothing to debate here. It's obvious we each aren't going to change the other's mind.
@rhouse I would agree with that.
I abhor cheating, consider it selfish and dishonest. If you have unmet needs, discuss it and get some agreement about it, or a divorce and be free.
I bet you know which side I was on. ;-)
I abhor cheating, consider it selfish and dishonest. If you have unmet needs, discuss it and get some agreement about it, or a divorce and be free.
I bet you know which side I was on. ;-)
SW-User
My original thoughts.
Alittlebitofsomething · 26-30, F
SW-User
People do it all the time.
Often times it's not that the person didn't love the other person, the person they loved usually didnt provide what they wanted in the way they wanted.Which leads to desire and then going through with something to meet that desire.
Maybe their sex life sucked.
Doesn't mean its okay, but its very possible for someone to love and cheat on a person.The saying, "You hurt the ones you're closest to the most" or "you hurt the ones you love the most," makes sense.
Often times it's not that the person didn't love the other person, the person they loved usually didnt provide what they wanted in the way they wanted.Which leads to desire and then going through with something to meet that desire.
Maybe their sex life sucked.
Doesn't mean its okay, but its very possible for someone to love and cheat on a person.The saying, "You hurt the ones you're closest to the most" or "you hurt the ones you love the most," makes sense.
MarkPaul · 26-30, M
Could all the people who said, "yes" line up over there 🕺 ? And, everyone else, collect yourself in a group over 👈 there. And, everyone please fill out one of the "Hello, My Name is" sticker-tags and put those on. And, we will get this meet-and-greet started. Does anyone have any questions?
MellyMel22 · F
luckranger71 · 51-55, M
Tminus6453 · M
sometimeslonelytoo · 51-55, M
I think probably most people who cheat, still love their partner, they just can't resist temptation too, unfortunately :(
rhouse · 56-60, M
Absolutely
Yes
SW-User
yep
Yes