Do you think being taken for granted is abuse?
Do you think that being taken for granted is no big deal? Or do you think its abusive?
36-40, F
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will999 · 70-79, M
Hello again darktippedrose 31-35, F. I have been taken for granted and to me it sure felt very much like abuse. My wife thought it was my job to feed, house and clothe us all even while she was off making babies with another man. It made me feel like a complete idiot for not putting his f_cking lights out when I first realized what was going on. If I had done that I would probably still be in the lockup today, and partly in denial because it was obviously not all his fault. I would dearly love to hammer that miserable worm's face into the ground but I can not afford the price I would have to pay for the pleasure. I had to let my EX go, not because I want her to suffer but because I want her to take responsibility for her own freely chosen actions. I still can't be sure she understands this. I only know that I dare not consider her half hearted and flippant offers of renewed "friendship" even for a minute. That relationship nearly destroyed me once and she could easily do it again if she really can not see the harm in it. Perhaps she regrets her mistake, I really don't know. To me it was a bigger mistake than David Warner's cricket ball tampering in South Africa and she has never apologised for the grief she caused me.
darktippedrose · 36-40, F
@will999 Hugs....I understand. My husband doesn't apologize at all. And he still cheats on me. Even talks about it from time to time. Or will offhandedly insult me and then tell me that's why he only has sex with other women. le sigh. I understand. you did what you did for your sanity and get out of that dark place.
will999 · 70-79, M
@darktippedrose I seem to recall you saying somewhere else that your husband only talks to you about religion. Some religious people can be thoughtless and extremely narrow minded. From the way you describe him he does not sound very spiritual to me. For some people even religion is mostly about material or physical things. How did you view his faith before you were married? I'll bet you don't think much of it now. Some christian monks were warriors that existed for the purpose of making "holy war" which is really a misnomer. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds of false argument. 2 Corinthians 10:4
darktippedrose · 36-40, F
@will999 well I'm not Christian. The religious man he portrayed himself as, isn't what he really was. I think my husband is what you might call a religious sociopath. He uses religion to feel superior to others and such. He can only talk about religion to me. He'd laugh at me and say I'm distracting him from God and that he doesn't want to go to hell if I wanted to eat with him or watch a tv show or something.
Him and his friends kept things from me. And yes, if you are sooo religious that you're unreligious then chances are that you don't understand it. If being religious turns you into a jerk, you don't actually understand the point.
Him and his friends kept things from me. And yes, if you are sooo religious that you're unreligious then chances are that you don't understand it. If being religious turns you into a jerk, you don't actually understand the point.
darktippedrose · 36-40, F
xSharp · 31-35, M
they abused themselves for not thinking for a moment about what secret motives one asking for assistance or partnership might have had.
they abused themselves through their willful ignorance and the expectation of kindness and the assumed inherent goodness of all mankind. they should have educated themselves on the real world or their parents should have shattered that illusion they had about the world for them when they were young enough to accept it and build up a firm stance against it, rather than allow them to grow up to abuse others and then attempt to justify it.
they abused themselves through their willful ignorance and the expectation of kindness and the assumed inherent goodness of all mankind. they should have educated themselves on the real world or their parents should have shattered that illusion they had about the world for them when they were young enough to accept it and build up a firm stance against it, rather than allow them to grow up to abuse others and then attempt to justify it.
lasergraph · 70-79, M
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darktippedrose · 36-40, F
@lasergraph yes he is. I tried to get him to see how his dad corrupted him when he was young, he thinks theres nothing wrong.
lasergraph · 70-79, M
@darktippedrose I don't think he ever will, it is too late for him.
darktippedrose · 36-40, F
@lasergraph i know. Its so funny. I say this is who he is. And others tell me to have hope. the one time a girl doesn't try to change him and accepts his behavior, and they tell the girl to hope he'll change.
go figure.
go figure.
darktippedrose · 36-40, F
I'm also a stay at home mom. But I most definitely don't have that kind of time. I often feel like Dobby the houseelf lol. I can't imagine having the time to cheat.
will999 · 70-79, M
@SW-User You're entitled to disagree with me of course but it IS relevant to the question.
will999 · 70-79, M
@darktippedrose Yes, That is a valid observation. A cheat of either gender deprives the entire family of their time, energy, resources and attention. It may not be violent by an ordinary definition but they depend on everyone else in the family to remain loyal, thereby abusing them.
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Hdryder555 · 61-69, M
hippyjoe1955 · 61-69, M
popmol · 26-30, M
its not abusive but its a bit of a compliment because if you're taking away that means they can't be without you and they are dependent of you. so without you a part of their life falls away
SW-User
@popmol lets say you share housing duties with someone and that person starts taking over parts of your duties because you dont feeling like doing them. they will start to feel like you are just taking them for granted because they picked up the slack where you werent willing to help out. its more about someone giving more than the other. someone who is willing to put more of the effort into something than the other.
popmol · 26-30, M
@SW-User then leave, i mean if you think you should perfectly share 50/50 or some thigns you do and you need to take over for a time and you dislike it say something. they are glad you do it they aren't like omg why aren't you doing your own jobs but also do mine. unless they are a dick but these are as far as i know only a little bit of the people who do.
VeronicaPrincess · 61-69
Jackaloftheazuresand · 26-30, M
Not when I want it
darktippedrose · 36-40, F
@Jackaloftheazuresand are you referring to a sex fetish?
Jackaloftheazuresand · 26-30, M
@darktippedrose Nope
darktippedrose · 36-40, F
@Jackaloftheazuresand I geuss I still don't understand.
Winterskies · 31-35, F
I don't think it's abusive. In my experience, a lack of communication is going on when this happens.
Nobody28 · M
The thought never occurred to me it hurts that's all I can say for sure about it
TheConstantGardener · 56-60, M
No I don't. It's unpleasant and unfeeling but not abusive.
I understand where you are going with this- but no, it is not.
Probably need to ask the person whos being taken for granted. LOL
SW-User
No, I don't think that's abusive.