How can I loathe him and still stay?

You are still a young woman. Has it occurred that maybe, just maybe, if you left him you'd get your confidence back, and from that address your health issues in a positive way?

Well people stay because some think they have no choice because where would they live how could they get money to live. Some think they are not strong enough and some have kids and they need food and clothes so they stay, Some are threatened if you leave I will come after you and kill you and sadly this does happen and people you are thinking about leaving hear this and stay. It's very hard to leave people do nt understand what it takes for someone to leave. But once they leave that when life starts over yes it's hard but it will get easier and easier and at the end some think I should have done this years ago.

I've asked my husband why he stayed with his abusive partner as long as he did. He doesn't know why he stayed with her either. He had trouble admitting he was a victim too.

Just a few thoughts...

You write: "I shouldn’t still be here , but I stay." Followed by: "Curse him for taking my self worth and my love for life."

Do you see what I see? There appears to be a dichotomy here. You know you should not be in the relationship, yet you curse him for you staying in it and taking that which you know you should not have given.

Yes, there is much that came before and has gone into what you wrote here. And yes, there are those reasons (maybe more like justifications?) for staying.

Maybe the last statement could read "And tomorrow I will begin to change my life"?

Like I said, just some food for thought. Be good to you, be strong and think what tomorrow could bring if....

Sorry to hear this. You deserve to be happy.

Being in a crappy relationship messes with your health and makes everything feel so much worse.

If you got rid of the bloke your health would improve, you'd be amazed how much someone making you miserable can affect your conditions.

Do yourself a favour and start working on an escape plan.

I feel like I am reading my own words 🥺

Someone close to me is in the same situation.
She wanted to leave him years ago but then she found out she was going to have a baby with him. She stayed and now has 4 kids with him and is as miserable as ever, stuck because there is no way out for her in her opinion. Please don't let this happen to you too.

{@dewkissedrose] 🤫yes it is rather strange but unless i can understand how your mind works and why you stay with him it will rater remain an enigma

Codependency

Its sad.

I can relate to this

It really was a case of being too young

And not having enough of a sense of myself due to abuse

Wanting to be the rescuer

And things progressively getting worse as he sunk to the bottom of the sea with me attached

So focused on him and his needs I completely neglected my own

I understand this so very well. My health is very poor and the medications I need that are very expensive are only covered by his insurance. He realizes this.

My self worth is non existent at most times.

I am really sorry that you deal with this too. I hope you have things and people that help 💖.