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Should I tell him my ex texted me?

I am in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend . We met online, live in different countries but are part of the same diaspora. We’ve been together for about five months. Although it’s long-distance, the relationship is serious and we’ve discussed marriage and plans to meet once finances allow.
We’re both Christians. He is relatively inexperienced in relationships and has expressed that he is cautious with his heart. Early on, we agreed to be honest and transparent with each other about things that could affect trust.
I have an ex (33M) whom I haven’t seen or spoken to in over a year. Two weeks ago, he called me unexpectedly. I didn’t answer. Today, he texted me while I was at work asking for a work-related tool. I did not respond.
My current boyfriend has previously said that he feels uncomfortable with the idea of any interaction between me and this ex and that it affects how much trust he can give. I’m worried that if I tell him my ex reached out—even though I didn’t engage—he may see it as a reason to end the relationship.
At the same time, I feel conflicted because we agreed to honesty, and I don’t like the idea of withholding information, even when I’ve done nothing wrong.
There’s nothing I can control about an ex reaching out, and I’ve maintained clear boundaries by not responding.
Should I tell my boyfriend about this, or is it reasonable not to bring it up since there was no interaction and no response from me?
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AstroZombie · 36-40, M
Honesty is the best policy. And plus you respected his wishes and concerns about your ex by refusing to respond. As long as he knows you're not engaging with the ex, therefore making him uncomfortable, I'm sure he'll be fine.

At least I hope so. I know, if I were in his shoes I'd appreciate the honesty and respect.
Barkingpuppy · 31-35, F
@AstroZombie just to update you. I told him....was not the best reaction. And he's predicting we're going to meet up.
AstroZombie · 36-40, M
@Barkingpuppy You and your ex? Or you and your current boyfriend? Because I would hope that you and the boyfriend meeting up is a good thing. I'm sorry the reaction wasn't the best :(
You agreed to honesty, and also a matter of trust.

The question is - what if your bf later finds out your ex texted you, and you didn't mention (i.e. "hid it")?

If the relationship is serious, then your bf should appreciate your transparency of telling him, and that you that your ex reached out totally unsolicited and you've maintained clear boundaries by not responding.

If he decides to end your relationship over that, perhaps you've dodged a bullet.an better to find out now than end up in a divorce later.

Your bf should respect your honesty and transparency. What do you think?.
Barkingpuppy · 31-35, F
@VeronicaJane I told him....it didn't go to well. He says he won't be collateral damage for me and my ex...among some other things. But pretty much he's going back to square one with me....
Levenrack · 46-50, M
Is there a reason other than self-esteem, that trust is hard for him in a new relationship? If not, then it's time for a lesson in circumventing life and just learn to deal with it.

Honestly being honest is the right way to go about it, cause you start playing emotional dodgeball to protect yourself and his feelings, by going around them instead of through.
That will create jealousy/resentment and that's not good and difficult to come back from.
ViciDraco · 41-45, M
You should let him know. Tell him you didn't engage.

If this is enough for the guy to break up with you, it's better to happen now than it is to happen when some insecurity arises after one of you has moved to the other's country. If he can't handle someone contacting you and you not responding then he's just not stable enough to plan a relationship with.
Your ex's actions are certainly suspect, but unless you absolutely need to I wouldn't say anything about it. It was a pointless conversation anyway, and your ex can literally get that from anyone. You are not obligated to tell your partner about your ex, and your ex is not entitled to a conversation. Maintain your boundaries dude.
Barkingpuppy · 31-35, F
@GohantheThird I do find his message suspicious. He wanted a ventilation mask and it was destroyed when we were together, so i am suspicious of the message. I'm scared loosing this person and even more afraid that If i don't tell him snd it leaks out somehow when we do meet, he will never trust me.
@Barkingpuppy Some exes are more cordial than others, but it sounds like your ex was trying to bait you into a conversation. You were right not to respond. If you feel better about telling him, then tell him.
gregloa · 61-69, M
Why haven’t you blocked his number? You would have never known he tried to contact you?? That’s what your current boyfriend will be wondering why you hadn’t already blocked his number if you tell him. I think you should immediately block his number and never tell your current and never think of your ex again!!! If you’re that serious about him.
Jrzgrl · 56-60, F
Yes, tell him. If he decides to end the relationship because he can’t deal with it, that’s his problem. You can’t control how he reacts to something. And it may be a blessing in disguise.
Jesus Christ. You’re in a long distance relationship and that’s the first problem. He’s not there and other guys will be popping in and out of your life, you will likely find someone else worthy of your attention.

Your ex only sent you a text. Last but not least you both will never be able to stop each other talking to other people in life and will have to trust each other. Deal with insecurity and don’t ever feel jealous until one of you has a good reason.
AngelUnforgiven · 51-55, F
I would be honest because i would want him to be honest with me if the shoe was on the other foot.
tobynshorty · 51-55, F
I dont agree with telling him and at this point you owe either one anything.b
Northwest · M
Why would you bring it up?

However the fact that you're asking, indicates you've resolved to engaged in a long term relationship and marriage, to a guy you do not know, and an existence where you will you be constantly need to justify every decision you make.
Barkingpuppy · 31-35, F
@Northwest told him....it wasn't the best idea
Northwest · M
@Barkingpuppy
told him....it wasn't the best idea

Why did you feel the need to tell him? I'm not saying that you should hide stuff from someone you're in a relationship with (albeit online only), but it seems as if you feel you need to "report" on every event in your life.

There's something wrong with this picture, starting with why you feel the need to do that, and that's really my point.
Sounds a little like my story: https://similarworlds.com/relationships/dating/3053956-Would-you-want-to-know-if-after-25-years-your but yours sounds a little different since there's no apparent danger. I think it might be safe to just let it be.
Adogslife · 61-69, M
Your boyfriend is so immature you should treat him as imaginary. If he’s going to act that way when you’re being truthful, the relationship is not worth it.

Things only get worse. Forget both men.

Sorry 😞

Dating an insecure man never goes well. This won’t either. It’s best to nip things before you get hurt.
stayfickle · 26-30, F
Tell him and explain.
caccoon · 36-40
Block the ex. Not necessary to tell the new guy. It will just cause upset and you don't have any intention of talking to ex anyway.
justbob · 61-69, M
Tell him and block your ex's number
I see no reason to tell him, nothing happened.
dale74 · M
Just keep ignoring the ex if it helps block his number
basilfawlty89 · 36-40, M
Tell him, be honest.
@Barkingpuppy you did nothing wrong, remember that. You didn't respond or reach out to your ex, and there's certainly no need to feel guilty about what your ex does.
@Barkingpuppy I agree with Mr Fawlty; honesty is best. You've kept to the high road by ignoring the ex; stay on the high road by explaining to the new BF how you've kept your promises to him.
Levenrack · 46-50, M
@Barkingpuppy But, if he not big enough of a man to realize what it actually is, and makes a bigger deal than it is, then that's probably to your benefit. You do not want to baby him through the rest of the relationship.
dale74 · M
Depends what did the X text you and what did you reply
Be honest if he asks
Zonuss · 46-50, M
No. Leave it.

 
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