I wouldn't say that it's wrong or right. Did you ask or did you tell her to do it? If you asked she can say no. If you told her, that could make her mad.
Been with my hubby for 40+ years, married for 30+ years. We were high school sweethearts. He has never asked me to do anything like that nor told me what to do. About anything. Even when we were very young.
In the end, you really can't control another person. You can try, but you really won't get the relief that you seek. If you are concerned about cheating and your gut is telling you she is, address that specifically. Don't let that feeling make you controlling in other areas. If that's not you.
If that is you, then it's a you problem, not her problem. If she's going to cheat, there is nothing you can do to prevent it. If she does, it's her problem, and you deserve better. Moving on. Find someone else.
I don't think it's wrong to express discomfort regarding your partner being connected with exes, what matters is how it's communicated and why it matters to you.
If your request came from a place of insecurity, fear, or past experiences, I think that's valid and worth discussing. But asking her to cut off people without understanding why can feel controlling to the other person, which might be why she’s upset.
People want to see and require benefits coming to them. Benefits come with expectations. There is a benefit or benefits why your girl is with you right now. There's also a benefit to her why she keeps her exes on Facebook or anywhere else. When the benefit diminishes or is no longer a benefit, she moves on. Don't drive yourself crazy over this. People will come and go from your life because of lack of benefits (and expectations) . The one exception is a very true and loyal friend. If they are a true friend, they don't rely on benefits to stay around. The benefits she sees in you are most likely different from the benefits her ex has. If the benefits of her exes don't meet her expectations they won't be around long, she'll leave them behind. And the same goes for you. Basically when the benefits cease, they leave. The best thing to do (in the back of your mind) is always expect someone to leave. They're only going to be in your life temporarily. It's best to have good friends and to be able to rely on yourself for anything you need and not someone else. If she's telling you who you can have on Facebook and you're not allowed to say anything to her about her exes, that's not a two-way street. Once she sets down the rule of a double standard, you will never be equal and more than likely it'll naw at you. Sooner or later that relationship is going to end. Sooner than later. Keep a close eye on your expectations and keep them in check. Good luck
I mean.. Only "ex" I have on facebook is one that never turned into a relationship. If my man asked me to delete him I would.. If she gets angry I would try to understand if the anger comes from being told what to do (and maybe a trigger response) or something else.. Some people get along with their exes for some reason.. 🥹
It can be a bit of a red flag for a woman to want to remain in contact with multiple ex-boyfriends.
Despite the carping of others here at you .. that situation does lead to cheating at a pretty fair clip.
Talk to her about it some more. If she can't understand your concerns or is more worried about her connections to them .. that might be telling you something.
yes it is wrong, and she's reacting like this because she is baby-sitting your insecurity by acquiescing to this request, and that makes her angry that on the surface you dont trust her, and sad that her having access to her exes profiles and visa versa made you feel threatened or insecure about her attachment to you. It screams "CONDITIONAL LOVE " i.e red flag
The short answer is, if she was going to cheat on you or go back to her exes she would, with or without facebook, you cant assuage your insecurity by trying to regulate her life as a way to erase her past that you dont like.
To fix this you must do the opposite, talk about her exes as a main topic, tell her the truth tell her why you are so affraid of them, tell her the real reason you wanted her to delete all contact.
Good luck. Dont do this move again with a lady in the future just dont.
When I was a younger man I would have asked or suggested she remove them. Now I believe that would have been a mistake. I would just leave it alone and see how it develops. If you're the one you won't have to ask her.
There’s a reason they’re called her exes. At some point, they had qualities she genuinely liked—maybe he made her laugh, remembered her coffee order, or had great hair. But then came the other side of the scale: things she didn’t like—bad communication, weird socks, emotional immaturity, or maybe just the inability to say “I was wrong.”
In the grand tug-of-war between likes and dislikes, the dislikes pulled harder. So—snap—they were promoted to the honorable title of “Ex.”
Now, here’s what you should take away from this: 1. Her exes still have traits she once appreciated. So don’t get too cocky thinking they were total disasters. 2. She’s already running the same analysis on you. Right now, the scale tips in your favor. Congratulations! But don’t rest on that—because if you start stacking up those “dislike” points, you might just earn a membership card to the same club.
The moral? She’s always evaluating. The game isn’t won—it’s ongoing. So if you want to stay in her present and not her past, be a man who stays worth liking.
Humorous? A bit. Logical? Absolutely. Warning label? Built-in.
It is a little much if she had like One X but if she keeps all of them on Facebook yeah that is a little excessive and it tells me something that's not being said. That don't sound right bro. If it's that important to her and your feelings are not that tells you all you need to know and actually they're doing you a favor
Me personally, if I have not removed them when we split up then it’s simply because I don’t know they’re still there. They don’t appear anywhere or post anything then she has forgotten and it means she doesn’t think about them.
Frankly yes. If a girl asked me to delete any of my exes off of facebook, it would be a huge red flag. It makes you look needy, desperate, and jealous. You should let her sort out what to do with her ex, not ask her to deal with it your way.
Idk if your being is the appropriate way to say it but it seens to imply a lack of trust. I think her being friendly with her exes is perfectly fine. Do you think she is going to cheat on you? Also how long ago are these exes?
I wouldn't see the relationship you are currently in as serious with somebody who did that however there may be an upside to this. Get her password (keylogger or maybe she'll just be careless) and then you have access to the conversations and now you know the real score.
@Elisbch Or and here's the funny thing it doesn't have to be your device! The only reason for keeping those sort of secrets are to do things which you don't want people to know and since we're talking about somebody you should be committed to and not have secret s from...I'll put you with the other 2 in the Cheaters Union. And if you'd cheat the person who is supposed to be one of your closest friends how do you live the rest of your life? Nobody declared in genius but it's pretty good, it's only stupid to people who don't want to be exposed.
