Love & Attraction

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Have you ever rejected someone for being too nice or decent?

Sometimes even being Too Good also doesn't work for all. Do you feel same?

Not talking about pretenders here.

Peapod · 61-69, F

Sometimes "too nice" really means "too passive". I have walked away from guys like that.

I'm married to a guy who is truly kind, but also has a very strong backbone. I have enormous respect for him and respect is something that cannot be underestimated in a relationship.

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@Peapod Well said.

Peapod · 61-69, F

@REMsleep Thank-you.

KingsRansom · 46-50, M

Shamed to probably say yes. I don't know if I would say too good/nice, but too agreeable? Where I don't get to know who they are because they are fine being what you "want"?

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Peapod · 61-69, F

@CrazyMusicLover This was my ex husband. He was always "agreeable" to a fault in the beginning. I thought I could be someone that could help him express himself. It didn't work. This guy really had a lot of pent up anger and it started to come out on me and the kids. After 20 years of a progressively abusive marriage, I ended it.

If someone seems "too nice", it really can be a situation of their poor self esteem and inability to be assertive. No one can live that way and they can snap.

CrazyMusicLover · 31-35

@Peapod That sounds very dangerous.

Peapod · 61-69, F

@CrazyMusicLover It was. I had no idea what was really inside him or how to recognize the red flags. There were a lot of passive/aggressive people in my own family.

I'm grateful to be in a place now where I am loved and respected. I'm just sad it took so long to find it.

REMsleep · 41-45, F

Well sometimes if its a romantic connection and the guy's only personality is that he is " nice", its just not enough.
I mean outside of his niceness would you even like hanging out with him?
I've never rejected anyone for being too nice but I can see not liking someone who was really nice to me.
What I mean is that society kind of shames women if they reject a nice guy ( as being for da streets) but you don't have to like him just because he is nice.

JustNik · 51-55, F

No, I was the rejectee for that reason. He kind of thrived on drama though so it didn’t break my heart.

SatanBurger · 36-40, FVIP

@JustNik Oh yeah. Usually the people to say this stuff have bad coping mechanisms and aren't mentally healthy. You save yourself. He could have made you pregnant and then you'd be stuck with a drama filled life. Ug. You dodged a bullet.

SW-User

I was approached by several men who were 'too nice' before I was married but I was never interested. The men who did interest me were always big, strong and somewhat rough. I got hurt because I didn't understand how to separate strongly masculine from abusive and controling. I always picked the wrong guys. I'm glad I found my husband and he's awesome and perfect ❤️

CrazyMusicLover · 31-35

No, that wasn't the reason, I wasn't physically attracted to them first and foremost. I'm not sure if I could reject someone physically attractive for being too nice and decent. Maybe if he was this good Christian boy type with holiness in his eyes. That's definitely nothing for me.

SatanBurger · 36-40, FVIP

The only way I can see your point is if someone was nice in a way that they were being manipulative. I'd argue that's not really nice though, they just expect to get something from it.

Generally though, I been through some narcissistic relationships and literally don't want mean people anymore. I want kind people so I probably can't relate unless you're talking about the first thing I mentioned.

Curvyvixen · 36-40, F

@SatanBurger no. Just someone who is really nice by nature. Extremely nice

SatanBurger · 36-40, FVIP

@Curvyvixen I understand, some women have daddy issues.

Curvyvixen · 36-40, F

@SatanBurger ya true.

BittersweetPotato · 31-35, F

Too nice could mean naive, and yes, I don't like naive people.

deadgerbil · 26-30

@BittersweetPotato naive potato

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@BittersweetPotato Yes I prefer someone who has been thru a little fire and who can protect me emotionally and physically when needed and handle stress. A really super too nice guy could be all of those things but its not common.

SmileOnYourBrother

I have rejected some who claimed they were being nice and decent when really they were being passive aggressive gaslighters

FrogManSometimesLooksBothWays · M

No, I only interact with jerks. There are no nice people in my environs.

Oneofthestormboys · 100+, M

No, but I’ve been rejected for that reason. It’s ok though.

NerdyPotato · M

No, but I'm rejected for that all the time 😔

Nanori · F

U mean a doormat?

Strongtea · 22-25, M

Yes I did a couple of years ago, she was one of the first girls I dated. She actually became like super hot afterwards so I totally regret it now, but she was soooo nice and kind back then it made me want to scream!

Greyjedi · M

I figured it would be good for you all to know rejection like this contribute to the creation of rapists. The are other things like control, desire for control and violence that are higher. But it contributes.