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My husband turned off my alarm clock

He made me late for work. I work 3 jobs and sometimes he complains that I don't sleep in the bed with him that much but then everytime I try shit like this happens. I've been late 3 times this month so its really serious.
I was late for my online job because he turned off the alarm in the room before I heard it.
Says he was between sleep and wake so there is nothing he could do.
He did not apologize. Claims that I should always set two alarms which I know but since I told him to set the one on his side of the bed I was depending on it. I feel alseep before setting my phone.
Pisses me off so much. Never takes things to heart.

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Scribbles · 36-40, F

I never understood relying on anyone else for waking up or setting an alarm. I just wouldn't be able to do that. Just seems like a bad idea to depend on another or share an alarm. I'd rather depend on myself because I know exactly what time I want and how much I need to get done before work and it takes 5 seconds to set. My husband and I have separate alarms. It works perfectly fine.

I suggest avoiding the stress and arguing by making it a non-issue. Just buy your own alarm, or set it yourself on your phone or whatever each night and put it on your side. Easy peasy. Now it's only your responsibility and you're taking charge of your wake up time. Problem solved.

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@Scribbles Well I don't rely on him as a matter of routine but I had just cooked, washed clothes, and I accidentally laid down without setting my alarm so I asked him if he can set the alarm on his side of the bed. He said yes. A minute later I told him is very important and I asked if he double checked he said yes.
So normally I set my own too but I fell asleep. He still shouldn't have turned it off and especially seem to not care afterwards.

Scribbles · 36-40, F

@REMsleep oh, I misunderstood, I thought it was a frequent thing.

Yeah, I'd be a little mad if my husband did that to me. You're tired from working three jobs and just did a bunch of chores.
And no matter what the issue is in a relationship... the fact that he brushed it off and didn't have your back or apologize when you said it was very important was disrespectful of him. :(

GLITTER · 36-40, F

What a douche, why’s he changing your alarm for? I’d go and sleep in a different room

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@GLITTER Exactly

DoubleRings · 51-55, F

My hubby did something similar but I wasn’t late for work (I don’t think) was a long time ago. Often times we take naps and I will ask him if he set an alarm - he will say yes. Except he doesn’t then we sleep in and wake up late. I stopped depending on him at all. I have a Fitbit now and I set the alarm on that so it wakes me up personally without even disturbing him.

He’s also the kind that doesn’t take anything to heart. Ever.

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@DoubleRings Yes you are right but I work until I get so tired that I nearlt just fall out. I knew depending on him gets me burned. I knew it.

DoubleRings · 51-55, F

@REMsleep yeah! I know the feeling. I forget why, but one time it was important not to oversleep and was so mad I also depended on him. There’s prob a post somewhere in my profile about that very instance bc I remember being so mad. And it was one of those times I prob said “are you SURe you set an alarm?” (To avoid later disappointment) nope shoulda set my own!

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@DoubleRings Seems you know exactly how I feel☝🏾

WhateverWorks · 36-40

The comments section of this thread seems to an example of how disconnected we are as a society from what it is to be married compared to simply in a relationship/situationship or single.

Lots of , “ Your first mistake was assuming you could trust your husband to be a teammate. I would never count on anyone. In the future you should only count on yourself“ input.

I get the whole personal responsibility thing. Yeah, generally speaking it’s good to set your own alarms and not regularly make your stuff your partner’s job. At the same time, what’s the point of getting married if you can’t periodically rely on each other?

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@WhateverWorks Couldn't have said it better myself. I am by far working more than he ever did so I do expect to rely on him occasionally not for everything. As a matter of fact I hardly ever rely on him for anything.

Scribbles · 36-40, F

@WhateverWorks You have a good point.

But honestly when it comes down to it... relationships and people aren't perfect. All I can advise is what I would do in a situation. It may not be the right answer for everybody.

Thevy29 · 41-45, M

I work with a co-worker who works 3 jobs. 16 hours a day or more. She has 4 kids. The first two are in their late 20's and and the other two are tweens. Turns out her husband insisted on having more kids cause he was too lonely by himself at home.

Eddiesolds · 61-69, M

@Thevy29 Man thats terrible

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@Thevy29 Yea sadly I've seen this sort of situation before. I knew a super sweet and drop dead gorgeous lady. She was very young when she married a much older guy from her home country. She thought he would be older, mature, provider.

That guy never worked a day after marrying her and her becoming a medical professional making 100k.
He picked her up and dropped her off at work. He started an icecream shop with her money but I used to pass by his shop and it was always closed so he never made money.
They had 2 kids. After 20 years when she was about 40 she finally left him. She didn't give details but I think that he was a serial cheater.

Eddiesolds · 61-69, M

@REMsleep Gosh this is so.sad.

DearAmbellina2113 · 41-45, F

That is super beyond disrespectful on his part.

PoetryNEmotion · F

Why don't you sleep in the same bed? Why do you work 3 jobs? Why would you, as an adult, rely on someone else for an alarm? Is your marriage an unhappy one? You sound stressed. How can you reduce your stress? So many questions...

black4white · 56-60, M

You are making this situation more complicated then it should be...first off you know he is going to do this and feels this way and it sucks i know.
1. move the alarm clock to YOUR side of the bed.
2. read what @Scribbles said
3. get a second if needed

Good luck but this should not be a matter to argue over...if anything use it as a learning lesson and move on :-) Good luck

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@black4white Its not everday that I rely on him. I fell asleep before setting my phone. It happens from time to time when totally exhausted. Its not my daily plan to rely on him.

black4white · 56-60, M

@REMsleep Just know that when you do ..its a VERY good chance this is going to happen it appears.... learn from your mistakes ...this is on YOU :-) stay stong

SW-User

3 jobs ? And he's being an inconsiderate prick ...not ok

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@SW-User Once one person does something for a long period of time it becomes simply normal. I've worked this hard for so long that no special consideration is being given to me because of it. Its human nature.

SW-User

@REMsleep That's awful

Gangstress · 41-45, F

I wouldn't touch anyone's alarm. Obviously an alarm is used for a reason

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@Gangstress Yea he says that what is done while basically sleeping cannot be apologized for nor avoided

Selah ·

Why do you have 3 jobs and a husband?

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@Selah On one hand I kind of agree with hypergamy or whatever but on the other hand are you suggesting that its not ok to work hard if you are married?

Selah ·

@REMsleep its ok for you i guess but you seem stressed

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@Selah I can handle the schedule. I am only stressed that I don't seem appreciated as much as I deserve and that the little things that he can do he sometimes fails at.
I get where you're coming from tho.

DeWayfarer · 61-69, M

Use a cellphone alarm and put a password on your cellphone.

nevergiveup · M

sleep in another room until he changes his ways

pdockal · 56-60, M

Get a smart watch and he won't be able to turn off the alarm

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@pdockal I have an old smartwatch that the charger broke on it. I need to get a new charger. Never thought of using it as my alarm. Thanks

pdockal · 56-60, M

@REMsleep how many jobs does he work

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@pdockal Exactly

Eddiesolds · 61-69, M

Why is he doing this? Very sad. I jope hes working 3 jobs also. Gosh you must be so so tired.

Thinkerbell · 41-45, F

You work three jobs?!

How many does your husband work? 😳

Souls

If your husband is able to wake up to turn off the alarm, why do you work three jobs?

View 5 more replies »

Souls

@PoetryNEmotion I agree, never trade your time for money.

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@Souls Everyone has to trade their time for money. Thats what any job is.

PoetryNEmotion · F

@Souls I hear you. Perhaps you mean your soul? No pun intended.

justanothername · 51-55, M

Your husband sounds like a passive aggressive douche bag.

Maybe you should move out.

View 2 more replies »

iamonfire696 · 41-45, F

@REMsleep well I mean to leave your husband over the alarm issue. Of course there could be other issues but just that one doesn’t seem like something to leave someone for.

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@iamonfire696 Yes I agree. I think that @justanothername simply wanted to support me

iamonfire696 · 41-45, F

@REMsleep I am glad you look at it that way 💗

Penny · 46-50, F

i think its an honest mistake on his part. try not to be too hard on him. that kind of stuff can happen. get another alarm clock and put it where you have to get out of bed to turn it off. that might help

Jenny1234 · 51-55, F

I always set my own alarm on my phone before I go to sleep. I don’t like to rely on anyone else

Andromedanian · 22-25, M

How do you manage to work 3 jobs?

Thevy29 · 41-45, M

@Andromedanian Some people manage it.. I work night shift. But some of my co-workers, Agency Carers, work a morning here, an afternoon shift there and then come in to the night shift. They sleep on their breaks. Particularly on the weekends when we get time and a half pay. And some do this all weekend. One guy kept crashing his car driving home on Monday mornings.

Andromedanian · 22-25, M

@Thevy29 dang, I can't even handle a 9 to 6. At least I guess they're making good money out of that

PoetryNEmotion · F

You hardly ever rely on him for anything? What is really going on?

justanothername · 51-55, M

Have you talked to your husband about the issue?

Fluffybull · F

Be sounds a complete jerk tbh 🙄

Zonuss · 41-45, M

Uh oh. You need to hold him accountable for that. That's all Imma say about this. 🙂

Penny · 46-50, F

@Zonuss well, why was he on the side with the alarm clock in the first place?

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@Penny Yea can't really hold a grown up accountable. I asked him to set the alarm because I was exhausted and sat on the bed and instantly realized that I forgot to set it so my bad for not setting my own. Just mad that I can't rely on him sometimes.

Penny · 46-50, F

@REMsleep well, its your responsibility to wake up , not his. though i do think he should have apologized.

SW-User

Blimey hope you guys get better in time … sorry bad pun 🙏🏼

SW-User

Well, I'm only hearing about one time you were late, but you say it's been three times in a month.

I do get how easy it is to not be awake enough to really wake up and maybe just turn the alarm off. Yep...others are right that if he doesn't need the alarm it should be on your side of the bed.

It's easy for any of us to make excuses to blame another, but honestly, if you already feel you can't count on him for certain things, then don't count on him.

iamonfire696 · 41-45, F

That sucks. Use the alarm on your phone and one on a smart watch if you have that.

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