I feel guarded

I had a nightmare last night. I was freaking out and needed to talk to someone about it but I realised, I don't have anyone.

Times like this makes me think of him. I pretty much isolated myself from everyone while I was with him. It was my choice. I didn’t feel the need to have anyone except for him at that time. I was young and foolish.

I was so dependent on him when it comes to my emotional needs that I’m left scared now that he’s gone.

Why can't he love me the same way I loved him?

GeistInTheMachine · 31-35, M

You are still quite young and you are still foolish like the rest of us. My most empowering lessons have come from agonizing pain and hardship. Life can be a cruel teacher. But learn from this, it has already made you stronger. God willing, you will find a much healthier relationship from the ashes of this toxic one.

I can relate to those sort of anxiety dreams/nightmares, as I get them too when I am low or stressed.

Emotions ALWAYS come to surface. If you are in the position to get therapy, you should. IMO, even healthy people should get therapy to stay healthy!

Modern life is cruel and unusual still despite the myriad bells and whistles in some places.

Menetics · 26-30, F

@GeistInTheMachine I did get therapy but it never got me anywhere. He only prescribed me meds that made everything worse.

Even with a good therapist, I can't seem to open up. It takes a while for me to get vulnerable. Especially when it comes to one on one conversation.

Pain and hardship indeed made me stronger. I tend to be more productive with my time when depressed. I get told that I shouldn't bury myself in work and have time for other activities. Work and running are a remedy for my pain.

GeistInTheMachine · 31-35, M

@Menetics I get you. Many therapists do not prescribe meds. Perhaps he wasnt the best fit. It is ok to "shop around."

Betterhelp.com might work for you? Some people like it, some don't. There are other sites that can connect you to great therapists as well, but I met a great one on Betterhelp as they let you be particular in what you are looking to accomplish.

Shop around for deals and coupons, I think they are out there. I.e., coupons.

I personally do not like Big Pharma, but the typical antidepressants do help some people I hear? No one I ever met with mental health struggles has really seemed to do better on them though, but if you still want to do Pharma route you can get a Genesight test to see what may work with your genetics.

God and a Ketamine Clinic saved my life. I am a proponent of psychedelic medicine, provided it is done/overseen by qualified professionals.

If ketamine clinics are legal in your area I highly recommend.

Options for infusion, nasal-spray (Spravato, and oral ketamine lozenges are out there.

Depends on where you live, though. But I think it's worth traveling for if need be, because this is a quality of life (and in some cases life or death issue.

Depression is no joke. I underestimated my depression for many years until it brought me to my knees completely and I was very humbled.

Addendum:

As always, follow your local laws, do your own research and ask your doctor(s) and psychiatrist.

They might even refer you.

Godspeed and God Bless.