Should I kill myself on my 20th birthday?

I think Raymond Reddington, as portrayed by James Spader, said it best: "Have you ever seen the aftermath of a suicide bombing? I have. June 29, 2003. I was meeting two associates at the Marouche restaurant in Tel Aviv. As my car was pulling up, a 20-year-old Palestinian named Ghazi Safar entered the restaurant and detonated a vest wired with C4. The shock wave knocked me flat, blew out my eardrums. I couldn’t hear. The smoke... It was like being underwater. I went inside. A nightmare. Blood. Parts of people. You could tell where Safar was standing when the vest blew. It was like a perfect circle of death. There was almost nothing left of the people closest to him. 17 dead, 46 injured. Blown to pieces. The closer they were to the bomber, the more horrific the effect. That’s every suicide. Every single one. An act of terror perpetrated against everyone who’s ever known you... Everyone who’s ever loved you. The people closest to you... the ones who cherish you... are the ones who suffer the most pain, the most damage. Why would you do that?"

I'm not here to pass judgment, just help if I can. It occurs to me that it's possible that you have undiagnosed PTSD. If it goes back far enough, it would basically have rewired your brain chemistry along the way. Therapy and medication only ever really proved pointless for me too. I started doing my own shadow work with the help of various sources (Teal Swan's video called "Healing The Emotional Body" describes a technique that I've found extremely beneficial). I don't *know* this, because I don't know you personally, but I would guess that your body is trying to tell you something with the constant headache.

Instead of trying to end your depression, perhaps understanding where it comes from can help. Can you identify the source of your depression? I find that understanding is the key to just about everything, this being no exception. I've been suicidal myself, and it felt desperate and empty and painful, like no one could possibly understand or care, at least in part because I thought I didn't care about myself. The more I learn about myself, the less inclined I am to feel irreparably lost in negativity. Understanding my own triggers has been a big part of that.

Nah. You've yet to live and you wanna die already? Try a little adulthood and being free to be responsible for and only answer to yourself. It may be challenging at times but heck that's how it is, that's freedom, that's living. At leafy experience what that's like and after some real experience at it. Then after about 10 years if you still feel the same - go ahead cuz you're probably not gonna make at that point after calling your own shots anyway.

Let me say more about the WALL -- a race car driver once said that the way to avoid hitting a wall when in a spin or skid is to look down the track where you are headed. Do not look at the wall or you will hit it. You feel frozen because you are focused on the wall of depression, discouragement, hurt, being betrayed -- any/all/and more of the above. What would you like to be doing, where would you like to be -- as you look that direction the ice will melt.

no,. never do it, people have all sorts of problems, but they carry on, as they dont want to destroy the lives of the peopel they leave behind, like parents brothers, sisters freinds, if your depressed get meds, drink alcohol, get high, just stay the course, as you will die of natural causes eventually

I hear you. Really -- I also see you daring to look ahead to what you long for in life and the ice beginning to melt. The key, is to look beyond the pain, beyond the circumstances and begin to enter into all you have hoped and dreamed of in your thourghts. Believe me -- the ice is melting!

Thinking of you and letting you know that you continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. Hopefully, your headaches are lessening. Your birthday is in about two weeks I believe-- it is a time to be grateful for life -- . Just know I sincerely care.

You need at least 2 doctors and some loved ones to ok it first. I think that's the current law in Canada, Co e over and die with us depraved liberal bacon maple sucking swine!! Lol

@thedevilsdagger my depression is mostly biological, medication and therapy brought me nothing. I'm not being emo or whatnot, but my head literally hurts all the time.

*hugs* I understand and I hope you feel better. The truth is you will. Things change over time, so keep living and keep pushing. Don't give up, you never know what's in store.

Absolutely not! You have the promise of a full life -- no matter current feelings -- get your eyes off the WALL and look down the road to your desires and hopes.

So what was the question you were too embarrassed to ask, so spoke about suicide instead?

For the record...encouraging self harm/suicide is now considered a "crime" and punishable in a court of law.

thedevilsdagger that is the best description of suicide I've ever heard.. and 100% true.

I still have 29 days till my birthday. I hope I find peace before that. Thanks guys.

TheDevilsDagger, I really like what you said. It's spot on.

No! There is so much life to be experienced and lived after 20.

Nope -- what a waste of so many opportunities yet to come.

This depression isn't gonna end, guys. I should end it instead.

FrozenRobot, are you alright? Do you need to talk?

Someone actually chose "Hell yes." Lol what?

Make a better life for yourself instead

@thecoolestcat you're a preach luv yuh

devils dagger very good post

Good answer TDD.

Yes

NO

No

No

no