Should I kill myself on my 20th birthday?

Let me say more about the WALL -- a race car driver once said that the way to avoid hitting a wall when in a spin or skid is to look down the track where you are headed. Do not look at the wall or you will hit it. You feel frozen because you are focused on the wall of depression, discouragement, hurt, being betrayed -- any/all/and more of the above. What would you like to be doing, where would you like to be -- as you look that direction the ice will melt.