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I have been married for five years now, and sometimes I ask myself why? My husband and I are going through so much trying to stay married, but we’re

both struggling to try to understand each other. I know I love him and I want our marriage to work, but we need to overcome the fighting, arguments, and not trusting each other. A week ago he said that he needed to get away by himself, so he can do some thinking. He packed his bag and left without telling me where he was going, I was upset because I thought he was going to meet someone else, he finally texts me and said he was in Las Vegas NV, but he still refuses to give me the address where he was at. We spoke throughout the time he was there and I still had that feeling that someone was there with him. I finally accepted that he needed his time away from me, but still had that negative feeling about the whole situation. Why would a husband want time away from his wife? Was I wrong to feel that something was going on?
REMsleep · 41-45, F
You guys need help. Personally I don't find it acceptable to leave the home and not tell my spouse where I am, no matter how much space I need.

Noone here online can suggest if your husband might be with someone else. You meantioned having a lack of trust. Why do you not trust him? Has he given you a reason in the past?
It does sound very fishy to me to use the excuse of an argument to run to Vegas and not disclose his location.
Try this book: "Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life : Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships"
by Marshall Rosenberg.

By reading through, and then using your issues to practice the methods, it should become much easier to resolve your issues.

It does require self-awareness. If either of you has difficulty identifying and naming his/her own emotions, it might be helpful to see a qualified psychologist. If the psych can show clear empathy for both of you in the first session, they're likely to be the right person; if they can't, find someone else. Learning a mindfulness meditation practice can also be very helpful, eg, Vipassana, Dzog Chen, or Zen.

If one (or both) of you has a neurological issue, like undiagnosed ADHD, mild bipolar, etc,, that may need to be diagnosed and addressed.
Depression, anxiety, stress, addiction... these kinds of issues also need to be dealt with.
None of us can judge you or your husband nor decide who's right or wrong in your way of handling your conflict since we don't know you in real life. I can only suggest that If you think your relationship is worth saving, you both have to agree to see a marriage counselor to help you figure things out . If that option isn't possible for whatever reason, you have to come to terms that perhaps you will never know if he was with someone in Las Vegas or not. If you both already had a problem with trusting each other, it's hard to understand how he handles that by doing this because he now has created more cause for your doubting him.

Stop torturing your mind with it and meditate on the kind of life you want for yourself....can you handle more of this in the future? I think you can best do that by telling him to enjoy himself and that you too will be going on a trip so you "can do some thinking "too. Don't tell him where you're going, it's important he feels the same way you did when he did it to you. Sometimes, you have to treat people the same way they treat you for them to wake up. I wish you good luck and hope you know you are strong and powerful as an individual, whether or not he forms part of your life.
He went to Las Vagas ....to think !?!

Im thinking he went to las Vegas to distract himself from thinking.

That's not really a zen place for inner retrospection.
FukFaceWillie · 51-55, M
Just get divorced while you still are young. You’re wasting your life with him.
Dv8rs · 18-21, F
You answered your own question, Why would a husband want time away from his wife? Here are 3 reasons, fighting, arguments, and not trusting each other.
Generally, the one who is accusing the other, does so out of guilt.
@PatKirby @Dv8rs i dunno.
Its very rare that relationship issues are totally one persons fault.

And even if what you say is true, the husband has shown that he uses denial and absence to deal with issues.
Sounds like they might be in a fight/silent treatment cycle.

They need to learn to understand each others pressures and struggles, and realise compromises and solutions need to be made by both parties.

They BOTH need help.
PatKirby · M
@OogieBoogie

I dunno either, I wasn't there. But considering all the open man-hating misandry pushed by society in television shows, commercials, radio, magazines, all over the internet, in academia (try working in a college as I witnessed), the workforce, in the unjust family court/divorce system, etc... since the 90s basically all over the cultural zeitgeist no one in charge or of any real consequence stops nor shows an effort to halt. In spite of this although yes nothing ever happens in a vacuum of course it was a two-way street - the greater likelihood is, and the implication is clearly there that, since he's a male [i]he's already guilty[/i] and it will be seen as his fault. So we can dispense with the verbal platitudes and move on with what real life teaches us.
@PatKirby the only reason this post is directed at a guy is that its typical of people venting to throw blame outside if ones self ....and the self in this is a wife.

Im not sure throwing social issues into the mix is pertinent as its a [i]personal[/i] relationship problem....between two people.

I get there is unfairness in the world.
But dont let it taint your views of a particular gender as a whole.

I had very loved man turn violent on me, and deliver a fair amount of emotional and mental abuse over quite a few years. His lies were supported by police and the system.

I could spew my misery and hate about this to the world. Let it colour the way i look at every man .

But i dont ....because everyone is their own person ....and deserves a chance. 🤷‍♀️
CassandraSissy · 22-25, T
Two words, sweetie...

Couple's Counselling.

That's all I am gonna say...

Best of luck

☺️
He could have told you where he was staying.
ashishkapren · 46-50, M
Dont strrssed urself trsut is the key
Barebum61 · 61-69, M
Yes ,time out

 
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