Asking for a friend...

Was it tacky? Yes. Are guys sometimes tacky? Yes. In the end, the ring is just a representation of the love they have and their commitment to each other. That’s what matters. If her finding this out… made other things come to light (such as their actual relationship woes, if there are any,) then the ring was never really the problem. If not, focus on the new ring and the time shared. People make mistakes, and some dudes just truly don’t get it or see the problem with it.

sheesh.... and I thought I was cheap. 🙄

The only way this "might" be excused is if the ring is a family heirloom.

Otherwise the man in question just doesn't get it.

I really wouldn't know what to tell a friend in this situation, other than he probably didn't mean to be thoughtless or humiliate her. He just didn't understand that it would hurt her feelings. Something like that.

I’m trying to understand this. So, she found out 4-years into the marriage. He bought her a ring 31-years later, which makes 35-years, and now 10-years later, she is upset and feels humiliated. I get feeling upset and humiliated, but why now? Was she upset between years 4 and 31? It’s so bizzar to be upset now that I’m thinking that something else has happened ... like she found out he’s having an affair, maybe? This can rake up all past hurts and insecurities that never actually go away, we just bury them in our “store consciousness (a term from a Buddhist teacher) where they quietly stay until something unearths them, and they rise to the surface. Then it’s old pain on top of new pain. It’s a horrible place to be for anyone. I think you need to find the trigger for all this. Need to know what she’s dealing with before giving advice.

It's easier said than done, but maybe focusing on the ring that was eventually purchased just for her is the thing to do now.

i am sure not one to be able to speak on how someone should feel, but i can offer perspectives.

consider the ring like the man, he himself was with a woman for a year, and she decided he wasn't the one, even though he was willing to be hers.

he then found someone who appreciated him in all the ways the first one didn't.
and granted it took a while but he became a new person, and with that came a new ring.


now opinion wise i think he should have shared this a little sooner, but we all have our insecurities and reasons for delaying things.

there's no need for her to feel humiliated, if i pick a door in some gameshow that another prior to me passed up i get to feel lucky....at least in the picking sense.


But i'd say the husband owes her an apology, or even just to share his explanation. the past cant be changed, only our perspectives on it.

my only advice for you is be there for your friend, she's going through something and she needs someone to hear her, to see her, because without that were left alone to our own solitude wondering if it's all in our heads.

I’ve had this thing where I am just wracked with huge emotions that I previously suppressed. We grow and change over time and come to recognize time runs out and those feelings really did matter. I wonder if that’s sort of what’s happening with your friend and she’s just finally releasing what she buried. If that seems to fit, I would think validation and kindness and support and maybe a walk through some of the good stuff could possibly help. Of course, I don’t know. Just trying to help brainstorm. I feel for you both. 🤗

How did she find out?

I don’t blame her for being upset, not a great thing to do.

I feel like its not about the ring. I think that situation validated some existing feelings about the marriage. Thats why she's so upset.

Gives the ring BACK?!!!!!!!!

It's all about worth, I guess....and I don't mean the worth of the ring but the worth of the relationship. I'd be so upset too.

So...the question is...what is he doing about their relationship? Does he understand how hurt his wife is? What's he going to do about it?

Hugs...horrible being caught in the middle of it all...but good that you're there for her.

Couple counselling I'd recommend.

SJD x

Is this a real story? Wow if it is.

it’s kinda lame for him not to have gotten you a new ring. sorry you’re going through this.