Not sure how to handle this

I'm afraid I would absolutely handle it that way. I would be having some serious words with that den mother, from children, you expect it. They don't know any better until they learn but the den mother is there to try to educate them about how to treat people and if she doesn't know that, then it's up to you to explain how her comments made Joel and your children feel.
I've got three adopted children and one has additional needs too. Once, some kids had been targeting my son and they made up a rhyme "Your mum, your dad they swapped you for a fag... You're adopted" the school were doing nothing! My son was so distraught. Fury doesn't come close but oh you'd better believe I dealt with it!! Your children need to see that you will fight their corner no matter what the cost is. ❤

I’m so sorry my friend. This actually made me tear up. The world can be a cruel place and it’s awful that your two beautiful boys had to experience this.

I think a talk with the Den leader is in order to find a way to teach all the kids about bullying being wrong and the importance of kindness. They need to get a strong message that what happened was not okay and will not be tolerated.

In the meantime give lots of hugs to those boys, let them know how proud you are to be their parents and that you love them exactly as they are. ❤

I am really sad your son was put through this ordeal.
My hope is that this will not stop him going to Scouts as I am sure he and his brother truly enjoy their time there.
Meeting with the den leader, maybe discussing you and Joel talking with the scout group about how hurt your son was with what was said. I know that a discussion with them might have the perpetrators gaining empathy and compassion.

Den Mothers are human, and make horrible mistakes, it's true. But the way to handle is by contacting the Boy Scouts Council and asking THEM to contact the Den Mother.

My entire troop of Girl Scouts was kicked out of the girl scouts because the leaders did something that some of the girls perceived as wrong. One of the girls father was a lawyer, and he drew up a petition, and there was a LOT of pressure to sign it, BY the daughter and her friends.

The upshot was, we were ALL kicked out of the Girl Scouts by the Girl Scout Council for un-Girl Scoutly behavior. Except for the leaders two daughters.

One thing we have to realize, as human beings, is that not ALL human beings are evolved, and definitely not ALL human being are sensitive to the feelings of children.

I wonder if the Scouts have some national policy about things like this. Some training that the den mother should have received, some protocol to follow specifically in instances like this. I have no idea. Just wondering.
What would I have said if I had been that den mother? I don't know. Seems to me that something with the word Respect in it was called for.

The Den mother handled that poorly. She should have told the other kids, especially that young boy that behavior and comment is unacceptable. He should have been made to apologize to your oldest boy, your tiny tornado and to Joel. Did the Den mother even offer an apology? Hopefully tomorrow, you and Joel can find a way to resolve this issue.

The scouts really changed. Why is there a Den mother in that scout troop? I thought only fathers were allowed to lead male cub scouts.

I'm sorry but it was obviously the wrong question to pose to kids. She should have known better. I'm with Joel she needs to be spoken to.

That’s sad I’m sorry that happened. The cub leader certainly could have handled that one better.!!!!

Blind ignorance will do that, and yeah her in a leadership role should know better. It went from feathers to tungsten in less than a minute. Best to sleep on it, and address it tomorrow. Don't want to bust the tranquilizers out, which it sounds like Joel might need, if he walks out that door.... 🤭

I am so sorry this happened to them. I'm sure she had no idea that was going to happen. Hopefully this will never happen again and she had a talk with the kids and their parents. Are the boys going to quit Scouts?

Call and talk to the scout leader

Some one needs to talk to this kids parents.
Manners!

Sadly the boy scouts and religiosity are bed mates